A, B, C, D, DD, DDD, BOOBIES

Awwww, these poor, poor, women. Pfffft!

THEIR BRA CUPS RUNNETH OVER

By STEFANIE COHEN and TODD VENEZIA

March 31, 2006 -- 3 CLAIM BOOB DOC D-FORMED THEM
Three angry women claim an Upper East Side plastic-surgeon-to-the-stars turned them into freaks by stuffing massive, Pamela Anderson-sized breast implants into their chests when they wanted only modest boob jobs. (modest? if you get boob jobs you want to get noticed!)

The women say the mammary monstrosities (aka Boobie Beasts) installed by Dr. Brad Jacobs nearly caused their bosoms to explode and the surgery left their breasts deformed, ribs aching and nipples swollen.

"I wanted to leave with a 34B - but the day after my surgery, I was
huge," said Felice Rosenbaum, of Manhattan, who claims her B-cup breasts were
inflated to a whopping double-D. "I was horrified," she said. "I went into
my closet and I couldn't button anything. I couldn't look at myself. I became
extremely depressed."

Jacobs' lawyer, John Jankoff, called the allegations "completely baseless."
(or braless)

"Dr Jacobs has performed over 11,000 breast-implant procedures since
1995. He has literally thousands of satisfied clients," he said.

Rosenbaum joined fellow plaintiffs Iolanda Rodriguez, 34, of Staten
Island, and Cornelia Ion, 27, of Queens, to talk about the trio of malpractice
suits they filed against Jacobs. Each woman claimed he installed implants that
would have made better beach balls than breasts. (what about melons?)

"We had an agreement he would not go too large," said Ion, who describes
herself as a "dancer" born with a B-cup. "I made it very clear to him that I did
not want to be a double-D. I'm a double-D now."

Ion said the surgery left the side of her breasts radically deformed
and the area around her nipples indented. (she could eat off her own breast!)

Shockingly, Jacobs made her pay another $6,000 for two operations to
fix the original botched surgery, she said, which failed. (UH, is that legal??)

Rodriguez, a homemaker, said she originally got D-cup implants. But
when she went back to the doctor to repair a leak in the devices, she claimed,
he took them out and put in even bigger implants.

"I was a small D - now I'm a double-D, nearly a triple-D," she said. "I
didn't want them bigger, I wanted them repaired because they were leaking."
(Got Milk?)

Rosenbaum said that after Jacobs inflated her B-cup chest into a
double-D, her wounds started opening. "The skin started separating," she said.
"It started to eat away at my areola."

A year ago, a jury awarded $130,000 in damages to a patient who got
silicone implants, not saline, put in by Jacobs, whose celebrity patients
include Playboy Playmate Courtney Culkin.

In 2001, one of his most famous clients, singer Brenda Kay Starr, sued
him for a botched implant - but that time, a jury found him not liable.

Rosenbaum said she thinks Jacobs is obsessed with large breasts.
(Hello?? He's a MAN!)

"His dream is for every woman to have a D cup," she said.

Additional reporting by Lukas I. Alpert
stefanie.cohen @nypost.com

Christopher Walken 2008

I guess "more cow bell" is really on my mind these days.

Look what I found on fark.com...

Did anyone else know that Christopher Walken is running for President in 2008?

He is saying all the right things, at least things I want to hear.

Knowing that our electoral college is Democrat/Republican oriented, the poor guy doesn't really stand a chance. I wish the Democratic party would take a good hard look at him. Obviously the Republicans have their own Evangelical, fiduciary agenda.

Ronald Reagan, once an actor, became a governor and then President. He was solid as our President for most of his presidency until Alzheimer's took over, but he was also our oldest president to date. He is hailed as one of the better Presidents this country has had.

I'm curious to see what my fellow bloggers think and what you might do if given a ballot with Christopher Walken on it. Read his platform and give me your opinion!

By the way, today is Christopher Walken's 63rd birthday.

Happy Birthday Cow Bell Boy!

Biscuit and a Milkshake...Two Bits!

Today my boyfriend told me that the only way my biscuit could taste better would be if it was raspberry filled.

Hrmmm.

Then he said to come over for pie (mine) and milkshake....in his pants.

Ba-Dump-Bump

TSSSSSSSS

Well, I know you're tired of the "in his pants" song and dance, but I swear I hear it all the time!

GAWD! I feel like I don't have anything interesting to blog about!

I know why.

I've been working from home A LOT and I haven't had anything happen to me.

I'm boring! And working from home is making me FAAAAAAAAAAAAT! Not fart, FAT!

Well, okay. I fart too. But sitting at my desk at home with my refridgerator just mere feet away is a seriously dangerous situtation for this carb lover to be in! What's a fatty to do??

Well, my BF doesn't seem to mind the extra insulation. He likes bonin' me whether I'm fat or thin, as he's had me both ways and doesn't complain one bit. In fact, he once said to me that if I lose weight and get thin I might get high on myself and leave him for someone better.

First, there's no one better than my D.

Second, there is no worry of me getting skinny, or even thin. I was that way once, but I don't think my body will ever allow that kind of body for me again. I have an hourglass shape, big titties and junk in the trunk. Strangely, he can pitch a tent at a moments notice regardless of whether I've showered or if I just rolled out of bed with raccoon eyes. And remember, I'm FAT.

I guess things go deeper than the surface. YIPPEE for me!

This post wasn't supposed to turn into a BF post...sorry!

********************

Still don't know anything about that job offer. MSC hasn't sent me what she was supposed to though she said she had it for me. She wants me to meet her 'partners' on April 15th. Kind of scary. I'm getting nervous about possibly changing jobs.

In fact, the more I think about it the more apprehensive I get . I would have to drive 80 miles round trip, 5 days a week. The money is better, but the miles and maintenance on my car would negate that I'm afraid. Right now, I am a 'work anywhere' employee. No office to go to, work from home. No miles on my car and no gas in the tank...thank GAWD for that one!

Anyone have anything to add that I might not be thinking about?

**********************

I've been adding some blogs to my sidebar. Check em out if you have not already been to their site. Just go to any blogs you don't recognize. That's what I do and I find some good stuff!

**********************

Oh, Mr. Fabulous is up for Sexiest Male Blogger. Ya'll better vote for him right here!!!!!

Later my lovelies! MWAAA!

More Cowbell Anyone??

Sorry!

When I saw this I couldn't resist!

Blahging

I've been digging at the acne on my face all day. I think I finally spelled the word "HELP" in bloody scabs. Maybe I'll be rescued soon.

The doctor upped my medication today. He's concerned that another medicine I have to take is making me gain weight. I should have probably told him that I've been eating powdered donuts like a man, dying of thirst, drinks water.

When I lay down it feels like there is a metal pole in my neck, pushing on it. Perhaps I should take the pole out of my ass. Maybe then the pain in my neck would go away.

Am I pathetic or what???

Holy Crap! A New Opportunity Just Fell In My Lap!

I got offered a job today.

Two actually, but one was much more to my liking.

I was floored.

A woman I work with (and have complained about on this blog) is leaving my company to head up a division of a wireless management consulting company and she has asked me to come work with her as her Divison Operations Manager. She offered me a different position first, but then decided I might prefer the other one...it pays more too. She asked me what it would take to make me leave our company, so I told her what kind of pay (among other things). I couldn't believe it. She was COOL with all I said it would take.

This new job would be a huge step up for me and a huge pay jump.

Seems like a no brainer right?

Well, there are some things to think about.

Pro's where I work

1. I work for a company that is about to make me a "work anywhere" employee. I won't have cube at work, I'll work from home everyday which means I can roll out of bed at 8:00 AM and I won't put any miles on my car or empty my wallet/max out my credit cards at the gas pump!
2. I get 4 weeks of vacation where I work and unlimited personal days.
3. I have GREAT benefits
4. I've been there almost 7 years.
5. Free cell phone service and discounted service/phones for my family.

Cons where I work

1. There are 70K employees so job competition is STEEP
2. I really don't have a career path out of the job I'm in at my company.
3. I make "okay" money, but I should be getting paid a lot more for the bullshit I put up with and all the assistance I give above and beyond my job description.
4. Those in my current position are always having to "prove our worth" to make sure we won't being targeted for layoff since the merger. Not a given to say the least.
5. I travel for work a lot and I hate it. It wears me out!

Pros about the new offering

1. Obviously, a LOT more money, almost a 20% pay increase.
2. A job with some power to do good things for the industry
3. A chance to do something NEW and be a part of a young, growing, successful company.
4. Much better chances for advancement in a smaller company
5. I won't be just a number amoung tens of thousands of employees.
6. A much more worth while job title to add to my resume.
7. Great benefits
8. Get to work with all Wireless carriers which would add to my marketability in the industry

Cons about the new offering

1. Subordinate to MSC everyday
2. Drive in ATL traffic twice a day
3. Start over as a new employee and earn my vacation from scratch
4. Can't work from home.
5. Don't have all the details yet, won't get them all until Tuesday afternoon.

Okay all. Help! Both jobs have pros and cons that kind of equal out. I'm torn by this.

Since she and I currently both work for the same company, MSC has sworn me to secrecy. Only a handful know she's leaving the company to run this divisional office, but they have no idea she's asked me to come with her.

MSC told me she chose to offer me this opportunity because the others on my team in my position, when asked if something can be done, will tell her that it cannot and end it there, whereas I tell her, "I'll make it happen, one way or another." It's true. I do make a lot of stuff happen just by sheer diligence and digging to find a way. It's my job. Pleasing my customers, giving them the tools they need to make their business grow, manage their wireless services and needs to save them money.

Guess all that working my ass off, going above and beyond, may be paying off.

So my friends, given the information above, what would you do? Any suggestions or advise to offer?

I should tell you that I'm a 35 year old, divorced, single mom. I get no child support, NEVER HAVE, and I'm struggling to make ends meet right now. That might help you to come up with some good advise. Oh, I want to buy a house soon too, I just need to pay down some credit cards first and build a down payment. I've been trying to do this for 3 years now and I feel like I'm getting no where!

Hope this info helps you help me! (Damn! I sound like crazy-assed Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire! Fucking C o $...)

In His Pants

My boyfriend has a sugarbone--in his pants.

Today the BF is wearing a shirt I got him in Baltimore at Crabby Dick's. It says "Crabby Dick's Seaman Sauce-great on balls!" Just like the ones--in his pants.

I wanted to buy protein shake mix today. The BF told me he has some for me--in his pants.

Whenever I say I want a milkshake, he always has one for me--in his pants.

Tonight we're having pot roast, potatoes and carrots. A meat and two veg, just like--in his pants.

Whenever my blood glucose count is low my BF says he has the perfect medication--in his pants.

I told my BF I needed to get new facial cleanser. He said he had some--in his pants.

He told me he got me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day, but it was--in his pants.

Then I swallowed it.

Change-aroo! A New Blog "Do"

I’ve been playing around with my template and such for the better part of the last couple of hours at work. Do you guys do that too? I guess I just look for an open moment to look in on my blog and others’ and then, WHAM; I’m hooked in and can’t stop myself!

Well, today I decided to look around for a free template. I was just trying to spice things up a bit. I am still not overly happy or ecstatic about my choice, but I wanted something kinda sweet, and what’s sweeter than cookies and shit??? Okay, shit isn’t sweet, but I never said I was couth so get over my writing will ya?

I actually like the template, if not 100% pleased with the tea and biscuits idea. I am planning on having a new one built; I just haven’t found anything I’m thrilled with yet. KB has been doing the same thing and I think hers is nearly finished. Not sure who she’s using, but I may use the same template builders. There are a lot of KEWL blog templates out there. I just want something to express who I am.

I have sort of gone with the booger and snot them in my sidebar titles. I know, it’s childish, but it’s generally snot city among my family members. Sinus problems and infections abound from age 3 to age 60 so I’m just going with what I know. So, LAY THE F**K OFF! I’m kidding of course. No one has given me any trouble about my choice of words in my sidebar.

So, here’s my latest template change. What do you think?

Oh, I dropped the Haloscan commenting. I just don’t think I like it. Every time I change my template I have to re-link Haloscan and that’s sort of a pain. I’m keeping Blogger comments instead. That way your comments won’t go away!

Oh! I also must apologize if you comment and it takes me a few days to get to your blog to check out your latest and greatest. I don’t know about you, but I feel like there isn’t enough time in the day to visit all my buddies on my blogroll! Trust me, I want to, but this chickie is NO speed reader, plus I usually have to think about what I want to comment. I sometimes just don’t know how to put into words exactly what I want to say, and other times I have something roll 'write' off my tongue, er, fingers.

I also must apologize to you all in case you are completely bored by my postings. I am feeling extremely non-creative these days. I just don’t feel like I have anything worthwhile to say. Do you think I do? I just feel like, after reading some of my favorite blogger’s posts, that I am dismal at the story telling thing. Like I said, I’m not creative. Not a creative bone in my bod!

So, I’ll see if I can think of some random event that I’ve experienced that I feel might be interesting reading. I am NO CP or Cranky Prof! But, I enjoy reading their blogs and I hope I’m learning from them! (Cranky Prof, I hope you aren’t checking my grammar and punctuation!!! SCARY!!)

Just know that I love you all, everyone who is compelled to come check out my stuff. I thank you too. You’re all great writers and I’m glad to have you on my blogroll!!! I promise to start entertaining you more! Perhaps a writing workshop would do the trick?? Help tap into my creativity? Hell, the only thing I get creative at is sex. Will that do?? I'll try to keep it no worse than an "R" rating. *L*

Ciao!

Random Spewage

Wow!

It feels like I haven't posted for a while! I guess I haven't since my last post was on the 18th and today is the 22nd. Four days of not blogging or commenting!!! I'm having withdrawals!

But, I have had too much going on and by the time I actually HAVE time to blog, I'm exhausted!.

I had a great, rather lengthy post, about my St. Patty's Day weekend all typed out and then my computer crashed on me. F**king thing. I didn't feel like spending another good bit of time trying to remember everthing I wrote and proofing it so I just let it go.

Ick, I just ate some popcorn so my fingers feel kinda greasy.

Can greasy fingers f**k your computer up? This is my work computer I'm on so I guess my copany would just replace it. Still, don't wish to piss off the powers that be!

I have to pee, for the 2nd time in a hour. GOOD LAWDY! At least I don't have to drop the kids off at the pool. Did that earlier, it just couldn't wait! Sometimes you just can't wait till you get home. It wasn't pleasant. At least I christened the newly remodeled bathrooms at my office. Been dying to do that!

I'm still hooked on Sudoku. Does anyone know of a rehab or 12-step program to help me break my addiction?? I'm CRAZED by it!!!!

Geez do I have to pee!

Sorry for my psycho post here. I'm just thinking about a million things at once. I need to get laid. I wonder if D will be free to bone me tonight?

My office is boring the piss out of me, but my email is blowing up my f'ing computer.

Again, I'm crossing my legs because I have to piss!!!

Have I mentioned that my kid is failing all four subjects he's taking in school? He's killing me! He's also missed several days this semester. He's depressed and refuses to get out of bed and go to school. He's much bigger than me so it's impossible to physically force him out of bed. I need a cattle prodd. Anyone know where I can get one?

I think Friday's should be made part of the weekend. Really. Everyone leaves early on Friday and does as little work as possible so what difference would it make if Friday became a weekend day? Discuss...

Okay, I have to go to pee NOW.

Later ya'll.

Why can't my office be this way?

Oh, THANK YOU Wilde_Thought for this lusciously, hilarious clip!!!

Everyone enjoy, and while you're at it, help me figure out a way to make this something to do in EVERY office! Moral would go WAY up!

Things about me that very few people know

I was inspired by June Cleaver's Revenge. Her latest post is called "True Confessions" and she tells some interesting things about herself.

1. I was born out of wedlock to my parents. My mother was married to another man she was separated from and she had to divorce him, then my dad had to legally adopt me to change my name. They didn't marry until I was seven months old. They are still married to this day.
2. My son was born by C-section so my poononny is as tight as the day God made me. Consequently, every time I get it on with the BF (who has a girth galore) I tear and bleed. It's like being a virgin every time we have sex. Well, sort of.
3. I didn't have an orgasm until after my son was born. Never knew what I was missin! Now I'm multi-orgasmic to the point where I can't count them anymore during sex. I'm so bloody lucky!...No pun intended...well okay it was.
4. I don't remember the names of some of the guys I slept with in college. I was sorta slutty back then, but I sure had fun! *dirty giggle*
5. I told my paternal grandma to "go to Hell" for calling my mother hateful, dirty names because of #1. She's an evil, conniving, manipulative biatch and I gave it to her good. I was the family hero for a bit until all, but my dad, on that side of the family became militant Catholic, zealot, Evangelical Republicans. Then I became the "black sheep!" Shhhhh!
6. My son likes to push my buttons and make me enraged...I sometimes curse at him. He drives me THAT CRAZY! But, I get over it as fast as it starts and apologize for the language, but not for the anger. He's the master at pissing me off at 15.
7. My current BF is someone I've known since I was 14 years old. We dated then, again when I was 19, and again when I was 21. He may be the father of my 15 year old son. We're about to do paternity testing to find out. It's freakin' me out. I think I blogged on this once before, but not sure if anyone really read it. So now you know.
8. I've been married twice to two jackasses. The first lasted a year and half but we only lived together 5 months. Got divorced a year later when he came home from Desert Storm. The second lasted 11 years. We only lived together 6 months, then he disappeared when I left him. Tried to divorce him 3 times, but the final one I got lucky, September of last year! Didn't have to find him to get divorced. Basically, I've been a single mother all my adult life.
9. I once stood next to Ewan McGregor at an art fair behind the Museum of Natural History in NYC. He and I were the only ones at this particular tent. I wanted to say something, but opted to let him have his day with his family, who happened to be at another tent. I love Ewan McGregor!!!
10. I have an ex who told KB that I was a "movie star." He apparently videotaped our sexual escapades and showed it to his friends when they got together to watch football games and whatnot. He's a fucking bastard who is now married , but who wants me to come back to Illinois so I can fuck him. What a dick.
11. I had an affair with a married man for 2 years. I was desperately in love with him. His wife tried to burn my face with a lit cigarette, and one time walked into my house while he was there and started breaking things. I left IL and moved to Atlanta shortly after to get away from this relationship. I couldn't end it otherwise as he kept begging me to come back to him and I was weak. He tried to leave her prior to my leaving, but she threatened him with no visitation with his kids. He had been unhappy with is hugely round, extremely short wife for several years and had tried leaving her before, but she got pregnant on the sly to keep him (3 years before me). Why do some women do this to keep men who don't want them? CRAZY. But, so was I. It was never meant to become anything at all. We were friends before lovers. It just evolved.
12. I'm in debt up to my eyeballs and I'm suffocating. EEEEK!

Finally, the New "Do"

I know.

When I got my hair cut a couple of weeks ago I promised a picture.

So many things conspired to make it a bit difficult to get a picture, but I snapped a quick one this morning using my camera phone.

I decided to let you all see my face simply because I don't KNOW any of you except for KB. It's not like she's planning to do something horrid to me so I am not so worried.

However, I will not post my pic again. If you miss it, you can always find it in my archives.

Sorry it took so long and sorry the camera phone takes such shitty pics!

Old "do"

New "do"

Can you even see it???

I tried to give the same perspective as my old do as far as angle of my face in the picture.

Hell.

I need a better picture. I'm NOT using that camera phone again!

You don't really get a good sense of the color and the "do" itself.

DAMN.

Spank Me HARDER!...

because this weekend I went to a 9 year old's birthday party and ended up getting high.

Yah, I'm rotten to the core! Somebody strip me naked and whip me with barbed wire!

I'm HIDEOUS!

My BF's landlord (he lives in a studio in their basement) invited us to her kid's 9th birthday party. Apparently lots of adults would be there and lots of booze for the adults. What we didn't know is that the landlord's live-in BF likes his Mary Jane. I smelled it the night before and found out he and some friends were smoking it in the garage. It wafted under D's door while we were watching Battlestar Galactica. It had to be pretty potent stuff for having to waft under one door, down a hall and under another door.

So, D mentions the "oregano" to him and Ben (the landlady's BF) gets all excited! He's glad to have a smoking buddy I guess. T, his girlfriend, doesn't react well to it. At this point I'm somewhat worried. D recently gave up his daily habit to take a new job when he moved to ATL to be with me. Now what would happen?

So, while I'm just watching the kids in the HUGE Crayola moonwalk, D taps me on the shoulder and motions me into his room. There I find Ben and Ben's BIL with a huge FATTY! They start passing it around and, I'm ashamed to say this, but I took a couple hits.

This stuff kicked D's ass. I felt a nice buzz from it, but he smoked more of it than me, plus I ate a cookie so my buzz wore off more quickly. He was fucked UP! It was all he could talk about the rest of the night.

Needless to say, we stayed in his room from that point on. I wasn't about to go out of that room around other adults, with pinpoint pupils and paranoia! That wouldn't have gone over well. I'm not good at hiding stuff like that. I don't do it very often, in fact, very rarely.

Just... *stares off dreamily*...once in a while....




In our early to mid twenties KB would get pissed at me when I would toke off someone's joint. She doesn't imbibe you see. Now she can drink beer like nobody's business, but drugs are NOT her thing.

Let me stress again, I DON'T do it habitually and neither does D (anymore). We just had been drinking a lot of beer and it sounded like something to do. I know he was jonesing seriously for it though. He wanted me to do it with him so he could have someone to laugh with him at his ridiculous TV shows.

Thankfully, the next morning, he realized why he had been feeling so much better lately. He had stopped doing it for two months. When he woke up he felt pretty harsh, plus he felt bloated and icky.

Thank GOD!

Still...

I'm bad for smoking ganja at a kids birthday party!

I truly am not a bad person, but...

Keep beating me.

I deserve it.

Spank Me Now

I've been a bad, bad girl.

I haven't blogged for almost a week.

I'm slightly miserable which is why I haven't done anything on the computer for a while.

If you've been reading any of my posts you know that I'm on Lupron Depot® therapy which is a medication that puts me into temporary menopause for Adenomyosis which is also called Internal Endometriosis (inside the muscles of the uterus)...very painful. The therapy is supposed to stop the endo from growing and causing pain.

Well, it has side affects and they are really starting to get me down. This therapy causes bone loss and I'm in so much pain in my joints and long bones. It's been really shitty for the past week! I've actually had my knee give out on me 3 different occasions. No fun!

Another side affect is hot flashes. I've been getting them so randomly, but they are just so annoying! I'm getting the night sweats and have my windows open and fans blowing on me, but nothing does the trick. It truly sucks!

I'm sure if any of you are perimenopausal or know someone who has gone through or is currently going through menopause, you know that mood swings go with the territory. I'm really having issues with anger. I just get pissed at my son for things that I would usually laugh at. I don't know why, I just do. In fact, it's gotten so bad, that he has asked if he could move in with my parents until my therapy is over. How's that for nice?

The biggest pain in my ass is the weight gain. I had lost almost 30 lbs until I started this therapy and now, in 4 months, I've gained it ALL back. It's awful! I feel like Jabba the Hutt!

Now, I really must apologize to all of my fellow bloggers as I haven't even been online to read and post comments to your blogs. I LOVE doing it too so I feel as though I've probably been dropped from your bloglists. I don't know that I have, but if you did, I can't say that I would blame you. I've been a crappy blogger!

Can ya'll forgive me?

I'm going to try to get back into the swing of things. I'm a tad depressed (another part of this menopause I've been put in) and it's affecting what I do. I work from home a lot and lately, working from home means I'm walking away from my laptop more than I'm sitting in front of it. I want to go lay down and just lay there....like a piece of poo.

Dammit!

I AM POO!!

Forgive me???

You've Just Stepped Into The Twilight Zone

This past Monday I was waxing nostalgic about my childhood in central Illinois and my best friend from grade school. I had been thinking about her for a couple of days and been reminiscing about all the fun and goofy stuff we used to do. How her family was my surrogate family and vice versa.

Well, last night my mother called me. She had received an obituary in the paper from one of her friends from our hometown. It turns out on Sunday night my old grade school friend's father passed away. It is somewhat eerie that I had been thinking about her and posted about her and her family on Monday morning.

Have you ever wondered if you had some funky psychic abilities? Dejavue happens to me all the time, but the thing that freaks me out the most is that I sometimes know something is going to happen before it does or I know what a person is going to say before the words even come out of their mouth. It is so bizarre. I know many of you probably have the same experiences.

I wish it would work on predicting lotto numbers!

Anyway, I just found it bizarre that I had been thinking about her for a couple of days and I haven't thought about her in years.

I have another friend who seems to be on the same psychic wave length as me. I'll call her and she'll say "I was just thinking about you!" The same thing happens when she calls me. It's weird. In fact we call ourselves the Psychic Sisters.

I wish this little "psychic" type thingy worked for other things too. For example; wouldn't it be awesome to know when Jehovah's Witness' were at your door so you wouldn't answer? Or wouldn't it be great to know, before you pick up the phone, that a telemarketer is calling (especially if you can't tell from caller ID). Or wouldn't it be great to know in advance, prior to rush hour, what roads are going to be jammed up, like a constipated old woman, so you could avoid them?

I wonder if there is a way to develope this "instinct" so it can work for you or for others? Anyone got a clue? I guess my handy, dandy computer can help me out. Lets hope I don't research myself to the "Psychic Friends Network." "Live Pychics ready for your call!"

Whatev!

GAWD!

Whoa! My favorite! *drool*

You Are a Boston Creme Donut

You have a tough exterior. No one wants to mess with you. But on the inside, you're a total pushover and completely soft. You're a traditionalist, and you don't change easily. You're likely to eat the same doughnut every morning, and pout if it's sold out.

What Donut Are You?

This donut is actually the only donut I like! FREAKY!!!

OOOOH, DEEEEEP!

Your Fortune Is

It's ok to let a fool kiss you, but don't let a kiss fool you.

The Wacky Fortune Cookie Generator

Monday, Monday

Those who hate Mondays please raise your hand!

I'm working from home today and still Monday sucks. I'm still running reports from February that I have had trouble running since 3/1. Finally they're running!! Fuckin-aye!

But, still it's Monday. I know because the dog peed and shit on my living room carpet. Yah, it's almost a comfort to know that life still has it's constants. Yep..a joy. Heh.

It IS a beatiful day in Georgia, however. I breathed in the fresh air and felt revitalized! There's nothing like a beautiful spring day and the smell of all the new growth of nature to renew the spirit! I feel it and I LOVE it! Spring and Fall are definitely my favorite seasons. The smells, the colors, the tempuratures. It all conspires to make for comfort and nostalgia.

I always remember playing in the spring showers as a kid, jumping in puddles and tasting the rain on my tongue. Things you enjoy as a child seem to be burdens when you're an adult. When did we change our perceptions without realizing it? I guess when you're an adult you start to care about your appearance and you have agendas and schedules that rain can wreak havoc on.

It's sad.

As a child, spring meant that school only had about eight or nine weeks left. I remember thinking those eight or nine weeks would never finish! I lived for the summer when I was a kid. No school meant swimming, climbing trees (yes, I was a tomboy), playing softball and tennis, riding my bike, camping trips, family vacations. I loved it!

I miss it!

What is really sad is that my son has not had the experiences I enjoyed as a child. He has played outside with his friends when he was younger, but he was not a big sports fan so did not enjoy playing sports like I did. But, he was big into building forts and playing "Power Rangers" and goofy stuff like that. I guess that's the difference between boys and girls, even tomboys.

I guess I'm just nostalgic for the days of my childhood. I remember thinking as I entered my twenties that my childhood wasn't very eventful or fun. But, looking back now I realize that childhood was truly the best days of our lives if we could see past all our incidents of childhood bullies and getting into trouble for doing something we shouldn't. I know other kids may not have had the same experiences or even the childhood they deserved. I wish I could have changed it for them.

I only hope that my son will look back on his childhood with the same fondness that I feel. Yes, I fought with my sisters, yes I fought with my parents. But, I had a best friend that liked the same things I liked and we had FUN. Her family was my extended family and vice versa. It was great having her around. Unfortunately we've lost touch. I know I could find her, but she's got a big family of her own and I know we don't have much in common anymore. That is truly one of the saddest parts of looking back on my childhood.

I am thankful that I do still have a couple of people in my life from my childhood, or at least my adolescence. KB and, my man, D (aka Pablo) are still around. They help me wax nostalgic often. KB and I reminisce about our later lives, after college and early twenties, when we really tore it up. We had so much fun, but still, it wasn't childhood. I remember, the summer before eigth grade when poor KB got strep throat and mono and spent the whole summer in the house. Damn did she look miserable! We used to go watch the County Fair Queen pageant every summer, with her mom and her Aunt Brenda. Yah, we even got to know some of the carnies we were at that damn fair so often! SCARY!

Now, we live in two different states, but we still keep in touch as often as we can. Blogging sure does help. Thanks Kel, for introducing me to it! I'll see you in June! Clear your schedule!

Damn Monday's make me sentimental.

The Vagina Bitchalogs

How is it possible for it to be 70 degrees F outside and I'm freezing my funbags off? I don't get it. I'm wearing jeans and a wool cardigan and warmy slippers. I'm sitting at my desk while my kid is blasting a CD from the DVD player. He's watching the special features of his CKY CD (think Bam Margera's brother's band and the background music to Jackass The Movie). It's fucking loud and I'm miserably cold with a headache so it's making me irritable.

Okay, so I'm whiney today. Eat me.

I sat down to finish doing my taxes. I'm pissed off because my 1099-B form doesn't give me a breakdown of the stocks I sold in 2005 such as price of the stock when it was purchased as opposed to sold to determine the capital gains. The asshat form! So, I have to go to the website of the trust company and get into the details of each sale and purchase. What if I had taken this to H&R Block or Jackson Hewitt? They never would have figured this shit out. I guess that explains some of my irritability.

Really, it's because I got my last Lupron shot. Since I've been on this drug to help treat pain from Adenomyosis I have had a side affect that is not mentioned. I have been FREEZING my ass off or I have been BURNING UP! Good GAWD it's driving me crazy. I've also been so frakin' tired I can hardly move. One other side affect is that you lose bone density and calcium. That has caused me to have bone pain in my shoulders and my legs. It's weird. I have joint and bone pain when I exercise so it's really pissing me off.

Later, I have to go grocery shopping and fill my car with gas. Gas went up another $0.16/per gallon this week. GAWD, when does this shit stop? When I moved to Atlanta almost 9 years ago gas ranged between $0.69 and $0.79 per gallon. Gas prices are jacked.

I'm starving and have no food in my house. My kid, JB, ate EVERYTHING. I always pace myself after buying groceries but he eats like it's all going to disappear if he goes to sleep. WTF??? I love the kid but for fuck's sake! I wonder if the kid doesn't have a tapeworm or something!

Okay, I've had my bitch and whine session. I'm gonna try to figure out my taxes before I kill something or someone.

Breathe.....whew!

Pics of my new hair style later BTW...

Linquistically Speaking, ya'll

Okay, I don't get these results at ALL!

Your Linguistic Profile:

60% General American English

20% Dixie

15% Yankee

5% Upper Midwestern

0% Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

I am a born and raised Midwesterner!

WTF?

I don't understand how I can have 15% Dixie and 0% Midwestern.

I have only lived in the south for 9 out of my 35 years on this planet.

That should NOT negate my Midwestern influence on my language!

I just don't get it ya'll!

Longest Day EVUH!!

Wow! It's Thursday already and I haven't posted anything since Monday. That's SO not like me. Maybe there is something wrong with me! Oh, I know what it is.

I HAVE BEEN WORKIN' MY FRAKIN' ASS OFF!

Yesterday I was a human ice cube among a tray of ice cubes flying through the sky. Coldest flight I ever took! I could see my breath...well, almost. I don't remember ever being so cold. I flew to Kansas City, KS yesterday for a "See how FABU we are" meeting with the C-level execs of one of my customers at our "My Co. Experience" at the HQ. I didn't present, thank GAWD. I sat and listened as part of the account management/sales team while others presented. *snore* I almost fell asleep about 2pm...ya know...lunch coma. It was painful to keep my eyes open.

My Director was there so he rode back with me and two others to the airport. He asked me what kind of stuff I watch on t.v. I told him all the goofy shit that Pablo and I watch and now he has decided that he thinks I'm the cat's meow. He always loved me before but now he really LURVES me! We had a conversation about Stewie Griffin that lasted several miles on the way to the airport. I gave credit to Pablo for all the f'd up shit I watch. It's true. He's converted me to the ridiculous and the stoopid. "I'm addicted baby...it's plain to see."

Can anyone tell me who sang that song??? I know, just wondering if ya'll do.

So, we get to the airport and my director wants a cocktail...O-KAY! So we all down a few cocktails while waiting for our plane and chit chat. I try to talk him into having a team meeting in Vegas. No go dammit. Most of our team is located in Atlanta so that's where we will be having them. FRAK!

The flight back was HOT! I was completely the opposite of the flight to KC. I actually was able to sleep on the butt-crack-of-dawn flight to KC, but going home I couldn't cool down! I was BURNING UP! I had the air on full blast and then my damn nose dried out and my sinuses started hurting. Yippee...a sinus headache and ear popping. My favorite kind of flight!

Luckily we got in about 30 minutes early. I know! WTF??? But I took it in stride. It was 9:30 PM and I hadn't eaten since noon so I was STAAAAAAARVING!

I got a frakin' Popeye's Chicken sandwich at the airport. It was HUGE! I ate it on the drive home, but I lost my straw on the way to my car so I didn't get to drink my Dr. P until I got home. I was dry as a bone by then...I live a good 45-60 minute drive from the frakin' airport.

THE CRAZIEST, BUSIEST, HUGEST, MOST ANNOYING, MOST CROWDED AIRPORT IN THE WORLD!

AT ANY HOUR OF THE DAY OR NIGHT!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I GIVE YOU....

HARTSFIELD-JACKSON ATLANTA INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT

If you don't have to fly through here or from here or to here. You are blessed by the gawds! THANK YOUR LUCKY STARS!

So I made it home and crashed. I couldn't lift a finger. Two flights in one day are not so easy. I slept in this morning. Now I'm in the process of getting ready for work. In fact, I'm sitting here typing this naked. I know, I'm a sexy biatch...or not. I have all the blinds pulled, I just was so hot after my shower I didn't want to start sweating! Me and the twins are just hanging around.

Now I'm off to finish up and go to work. I think I may actually get a picture of my hair tonight! I've been so busy I haven't had time for anything! I've barely talked to Pablo and spent zero time with him and about 2% with JB. Poor kid, but he's a good one. He got up for me at 5 AM and actually got ready for school and went to the neighbors when I had to leave at 6AM. He took out the dog when he got home from school yesterday and fed her for me. He even cleaned up the poop she did in the house before he got home! AMAZING...if you have been reading any of my posts you know he's the laziest human ever created and that he refuses to get out of bed to go to school most mornings. He's been trying to change. He's changed his look (got his long ass hair cut and some new clothes) and he's been doing HOMEWORK! I'm FLABBERGASTED! My mother brought him some money and he ordered himself a pizza last night. He promised to help my Pop in the yard this weekend to pay them back. SHOCKER!!!

What has happened to JB, formerly Peabody?

He's a pod person!

I know it!

Yesterday was the longest day EVUH!