Ms. M:

Running With Scissors

October 10, 2006

Whatdya Mean You Need More Pancake (tits)?

Well, I have to have another mammogram. Only on the left side. Turns out I have a suspicious lump that they need to further scrutinize. Just what I need. More issues, more health trouble.

It could be nothing, probably just a lymph node, but they have to check it out again to get a better view of what is really going on.

It sucks that the docs and nurses can scare people like this when it could be absolutely nothing.

They told me I needed to get back in ASAP for another mammogram, take the next available appointment. So, I made one, but the earliest I could get in is the 16th (next Monday). My boss, MSC, wants me to move this appointment to the end of that week or even later and do it in the afternoon instead of the morning. Unfortunately, the follow-ups are only done between 9:30 and 10:30 on specific mornings of the week so they can be distinguished between other appointments for screening. Too bad, so sad MSC.

I am surprised that she even asked me to do such a thing knowing that, for some odd reason, I've had one health crisis after another lately. I just want to be healthy goddammit!

Why am I always getting shitty news from doctors?

I have been giving my health a lot of thought lately. I'm only 36, but I didn't start getting diagnosed with "stuff" until I turned 30. It's almost like a magic switch was flipped and now my disease DNA came into play. I don't get it. Why couldn't all this crap have waited until I was in my 50's or 60's like everyone elses shit does? Well, most everyone. I guess I'm just one unlucky bitch healthwise.

Oh well.

To assist in my health, I've enlisted the help of a Super Diet, a 3 day diet that, combined with 4 days of moderate eating can cause up to 10 lbs of weight loss. I started it last week and lost 5 lbs. I was thrilled that it worked so well! So, I got D to do it with me. The lunches are pretty small so I'm sure he's gonna hate this diet, but if he sees results I bet he jumps on the bandwagon and kicks it into high gear.

Speaking of high gear, we walked last night and I discovered just how shitty of shape I'm really in! Cardio? I hate it. I loathe it. I DESPISE it! I'll live. I told him we have to ramp up to the really fast paced stuff. We jumped right into hills and my calves hurt today.

We went to our county's Fair & Festival on Saturday and rode this ride call the Moon Rocket. It's a circle that is really more of a small roller coaster. It starts you off where you go a quarter of the way up, then back, then half way round, then back, then all the way around several times. The problem is that there is hang time when you're at the top, hanging upside down. It's not so comfy to have that pressure on you. Plus, I held on so tight my biceps almost cramped up and now they kind of hurt. No use will do that I guess. After riding that ride first we didn't ride any more rough rides. Fun as it was, we stuck to the ferris wheel and the buckets that transport you above the fair from one end to the other.

I discovered I don't do so good with heights. I feel very vulnerable. What is up with getting old? I used to be fearless! Now I guess my own mortality has hit me and I'm afraid that I could die doing just about everything. Not such a good way to be I'd say.

I'm a fucking fraidy cat!


October 05, 2006

I took my son to his annual Shriner's appointment today. We had a 7AM appointment in Greenville, SC (2 hour drive from ATL) and normally I would get up and drive it in the morning, but my normal appointments are usually 9AM. I wasn't about to get my ass out of bed at 4AM to drive 2 hours or so to Greenville! So we drove up last night and stayed in a hotel.

My son has been a Shriner patient since he was seven. He's got a leg length discrepancy which we've been seeing Shriner doctors for since 1997. He had surgery to stop the growth of the longer leg at the growth plate below the knee when he was 13 in 2003. We just go for follow-ups annually now to see if the surgery did its job.


Today we got the news that instead of the expected 4 cm difference between the tibias/fibulas if we hadn't done surgery, he now only has a 1 mm difference! I am WAY excited by this. He's worn lifts in his shoes for years, but after this surgery and his pubescent growth spurt he's got near identical length legs. It's AMAZING! I just didn't think I'd ever see his legs be the same length.

To be fair, he still has a little bit of deformity in his left leg. He was a 10 lb baby when he was born and I'm not a very big person to be delivering a 10 lb baby! So, he got so crowded in utero that his left leg started to curve with the wall of the uterus as he kept getting bigger. So his knee was contorted and his leg curved to a near 45 degree angle at birth, plus his left foot would flip up so the top of the foot would hit his knee. It was freaky!

He's grown out of it so much. His bones are straight and his foot is normal, the knee is still a tad contorted looking, but you hardly notice it unless you are looking for it.

So, I'm happy. Mark it on your calenders people.

In a related story, we stopped at Hooter's for dinner last night on our way up to Greenville. We pass this fucking Hooter's every time we drive to Greenville, and every time we do, since the kid was 7, he has asked to stop and eat there, and I always have said no. Of course he eventually admitted it was to SEE the hooters on the servers. I knew this all along of course, but the BF convinced me that I was being ridiculous for not taking him there. I just thought it would look tacky for a mother to take her small child there (he's not so small anymore!). But, D says that he has seen families eating there so I decided I WAS being ridiculous for not taking him there. It wasn't to protect him so much as that I generally did not care to eat the greasy food and be waited on by some chick in orange hot pants.

I was right, the food was so greasy that my gut was churning all night. I had a lovely night's sleep on a shitty mattress in a crappy hotel close to the hospital. Jack enjoyed checking out the teeny, tiny girls in teeny, tiny orange shorts and tight white tank tops. I've never seen such small girls in my life! I was under the impression that bodies so small were on children, not women. Perhaps these chicks really were children with stuffed bras and Hooter's uses slave labor???

Hoooo knows?

Sorry for the play on words...

Don't you think it's time for Hooter's to change their frickin' uniforms for their servers? I mean, these shorts look so Disco. Plus, it was freezing in there, I'm sure to assist the servers in receiving better tips from their male customers. But, give the chicks some sleeves for fuck's sake! CHEESIS H KROIST! Frigid temps were enough to make me want to eat and run! Too fuckin' cold in that joint!

So how has your week been? Seen any hooters lately? I think I missed Free Booby Tuesday on Billy's sight. I've been busy as a one armed paper hanger.