Ms. M:

Running With Scissors

September 25, 2006

A textbook definition of cowardice

A textbook definition of cowardice - Countdown with Keith Olbermann -

Keith Olbermann hit this one right on the head.

Fox News needs to be shut down by the FCC. They call themselves a news channel. They're more like hate mongering, witch hunting, extreme right wing conservative loving, Bush ass licking, fuckwads. Rupert Murdock should die of gonnorhea and rott in hell for this unbelievably GOP loving station he's created. Whatever happened to truth in journalism? Whatever happened to "fair and balanced" as they claim to be?

GWB has them doing his dirty work. Rewriting history with a bunch of bullshit he serves up steaming hot.

Shame on you Fox News.

You don't report news, you INVENT it.

September 23, 2006

Lonely Weekend for Me

I'm all alone this weekend.

My son went to a friend's house to spend the weekend. It's his friend's 16th birthday and since we live so damn far from everyone now it's just easier to let him stay there for the weekend, at their invitation, than for me to go pick him up every day of the weekend. It's about a 65 mile round trip. Sucks living in a spread out city like ATL.

The man, D, flew to Tuscon Thursday to his parents' house. He was surprising them, as they were driving down to Mexico for a long weekend. His mother had expressed that she wanted us to go, but since I have no one to come up to BFE to stay with Jack to make sure he gets up and goes to school and doesn't smoke up the house with ganja, plus the fact that I just got out of the hospital a week ago, I am here. Yah, life can be a huge, syphalitic byotch.

So he's in Mexico with his parents and his sister and her husband. J, my son, is hanging with a bunch of his friends for the weekend. I'm now alone. Blogging. Listening to my iPod.

To be fair, I am going to dinner with one of my good friends tonight. We're going to see either the Black Dahlia or Hollywoodland, unless we make an impromptu decision to go see Jackass II. Um, that was a joke in case you weren't sure. I would rather put hot pokers up my rectum than watch that fucking ridiculous shit. Damn, would that hurt!

I have no idea where to go to eat. I'm always up for sushi, but my friend may decided she's not. She usually is, but the last time I wanted sushi she didn't. Hmmmm. It's a quandry. We'll figure it out I'm sure. But, I also have to be conscious of my diet since I just got out of the hospital. I'm supposed to eat lowfat to avoid getting pancreatitis again. Ok, no big deal. That's how I generally eat.

Except last night.

I went to Super Wally World and got one of their kick ass deli pizzas. It was less than $7 for a 16 inch pizza. Can't get that anwhere else. Plus those fucking pizzas are what dreams are made of. I kid you not. I reveled in that bitch last night. I ate 3 fucking peices of pepporoni pizza. So much for low-fat. This morning, for breakfast, I had 2 more. I am a gluttonous pig!

I think I need to go find some new clothes to wear to work now. Since it's now the 3rd day of fall I can say I've definitely noticed a slight chill in the air. It's getting down in the lower 60's at night so it's a tad chilly when I leave for work at 6:30 in the morning. I thought I might get some long sleeve button downs for work and maybe a couple of sweaters, plus a pair or two of new shoes. They are needed, trust me. I hate to buy clothes while I'm still a fucking stay-puffed marshmellow woman. It pisses me off, but I guess I should do something about it like NOT EAT FUCKING PIZZA BY MYSELF.

I'm a moron.

Even worse, tomorrow night my parents have invited me and the kid to their house for dinner. Meatloaf, potatoes and carrots. That is comfort food from hell to me. I love that stuff. My mom's meatloaf is so much better than any other I've ever had. I'm sure it's not lowfat by any stretch of the imagination. But, it's so good! The flavor of that fucking meatloaf almost makes me cream my panties. I do not lie about that. In fact, just typing this I am imagining that damn meatloaf and I think I feel a tad moist now. OOOH!

Ok, now I've had my O for the day, what are ya'll doing this weekend?

September 22, 2006


Nothing like a mammogram to start your weekend right.

I'd been told horror stories about it feeling like getting your funbags slammed in the freezer door, or some other cold and unforgiving, closing mechanism. I was prepared for horrendous pain, sweating, crying, possibly hemmorhaging, begging, fainting, vomiting, etc. The whole gamut of crap you go through when you have to have some sort of "medical procedure." Been there, done that.

But, surprise! It ain't as bad as I thought.

Giving birth? Now that fuckin' sucks as far as pain goes. I got lucky in that I had a C-section, but not until after I had been in 21 hours of exhaustive, screaming, beggin' for death, crying, wanting to be heavily drugged or given an epidural-but wasn't, labor. It's been said a thousand ways before, but labor pain, to me, feels like a bowling ball being rammed thru a drinking straw. Like I said, I was lucky, I didn't have to delivery thru the punani, but my 10 lb kid sure as hell was heading down the pike and I thought I'd never been in such pain or that I'd never be the same in "the region" when it was over.

You know. It's true, I've never been in such unbearable pain as I was in that 21 hours.

Anyway, the mammogram is like a mosquito bite by comparison.

It must be fucking dynamite to be a man and not have to experience that, though I do know a guy who had gynecomastia and had to have one.

To experience sex as a man, just once, is an unattainable fantasy I have. I just want to know how it differs by comparison. I have kick ass orgasms by Mr. D, but I will always be curious. I would also love to be able to write my name in the snow or be able to pee outside without squatting. Not that I make a habit of it or have even squatted within the last 15 years.

Another fantasy that will never come to fruition.

They should do mammograms for penises. Call them Phallograms. There would be lots of men dying of penile cancer if that was the method for detecting it. No man would allow their penis to be put in a machine that would smash them flat.

Lucky bastards.

September 16, 2006


So my muthah got me a great new fleece robe while I was in the hospital. It's a light minty green, very plush and awesome!

The boyfriend has commandeered it. He looks lovely in it too.

Oh well.

Since I just recently got to start eating again, my sphincter got a reprieve from its "duties" for a few days. Unfortunately you would have thought I'd never taken a dump before. The first and second time I had to drop the kids off at the pool I swear I ripped myself a new one. And I didn't do a huge log people. It was nothing unusual. Both were competely NORMAL. I think my butt hymen just decided to grow back. Is that possible?

September 13, 2006

Human Pin Cushioin, At Your Service

I'm sitting here at my computer while my son and my man watch the Simpsons. I'm hooked up to an IV in the hospital. Yup, the hospital. I came in here Monday night and I'm still here. I have been diagnosed with idiopathic pancreatitis. I had horrific pain in my upper gastric region that radiated to my back and I was vomiting. I haven't felt good for a few days, mostly just really tired, but that pain just waylaid me!

I've had blood work and an MRI, all of which revealed not much, just that my pancreatic enzymes were elevated. Tomorrow I have an endoscope to see if I might have an ulcer that could have eaten thru my stomach, irritating my pancreatic tissue. Sux.

So here I am. The pain meds are a derivative of morphine and they are seriously kickin my ass. All the nurses except one, think pushing the meds in fast is the the best way, but it kills me! God what pain! I feel it start at my neck and head, exhausting pain and pressure, that washes down my body. But the nurse last night administered it slowly so it wasn't nearly as bad. I bet CP would have plunged that medicine into my IV faster than the speed of light! Just kiddin' CP. I know you're a caring and gentle angel of mercy. I wish it were CP who was taking care of me. She wouldn't have taken four different tries at a new IV site at 4AM like my nurse and two others did. It sucked. While they were poking me a phlebotomist came in and took blood out of the arm the nurses weren't working on. That was fun. Pain from needle sticks in BOTH arms at the same time.

I'm a human pin cushion.

They wouldn't let me eat food, any food, until lunch today. I threw up Monday night's dinner, then didn't get to eat until noon today. It sucked big fat ones. The food is okay, I've obviously had better food, but as far as hospital food goes it's not bad. I got apply pie tonight. Cool.

I really want pizza, or a double cheeseburger and a vanilla milkshake. I wonder if I can get Mr. D to sneak in some Steak N Shake!

I doubt it.

I was on a new diet and now I've had to let it go for a bit. I think I'm gonna stick to Weight Watchers. I can eat what I want in small portions. And, if I'm making it I KNOW they'll taste good. I rock in the kitchen, hence my lard ass.

Damn, speaking of my ass, it hurts from sitting in this bed. I need to walk. Get up and take a stroll down the hall. I'd rather go home and get into my tempurpedic and relax!

Lucky me, the hospital has free WiFi so I'm able to surf the net and blog, instant message and what not. Yippee!

Well, I do have some pain, I think I'll stick around and get some pain meds. Time for loopiness!


September 11, 2006

Waxing Random....and Exhausted

I'm bummin'.

I'm low on funds between pay days (get paid in 2 weeks) after paying my bills. Mr. D asked me if getting my nails done was really a priority. To ME it IS a priority, however I know I have other expenses to worry about.

What sucks is, I haven't had my nails filled in for 4 weeks now. I was attempting to save money by not filling them in and just manicuring them myself. I didn't want to go farther than 4 weeks between fill-ins because that is just taking a risk of some serious injury if you're not careful, as well as possible fungus. Now they are way grown out so I've had to file them down, but they need some professional attention and I can't get them done! They are seriously scary right now too.

I almost fell asleep on the way to work today. I swear I haven't done that in a while! I was just so tired! It might have something to do with my taking a hydrocodone last night. My doc gave them to me for the bitch ass cramps I've been having. They always make me seriously drowsy so I take them later in the day or at night when I won't be leaving the house. I think the side effects have carried over into the next day. Damn! I need my tempurpedic!!!
Also high on the suck meter: I started a new diet today. the Fat Buster diet by Dr. Ian K. Smith of Celebrity Fit Club fame. It's a simple diet and I think it will work great, but it's a diet. DIET is a four letter word. It fucking sucks. But, I'm going to give this one the old college try and see if I can drop about 10 pounds within the next 9 days. It's no meat for 9 days, no coffee, no sodas-diet or otherwise, no starchy potatoes or white rice, or pasta. I can have any veggie and fruit, brown rice, yogurt and lowfat or fat free milk and herbal tea. That's about it. Oh, I can have Oatmeal too. Big frickin' woop.
I'll live....I think.
Ok, I said it once already, I'm sayin' it again.
I don't know if I'm going to make it through this day. I don't remember ever feeling this tired at work before. I'm seriously draggin' ass and having trouble focusing my vision. I'm not likin' that at all!
I drank some English Breakfast herbal tea with caffeine. Didn't seem to give me any jolt of energy. I ate a banana too and I'm just feeling so sluggish! Gee-awd!
Oh well. C'est la vie.
I got cut off this morning by some moron in an older model Chevy Blazer. If you'll remember I wrote that I almost fell asleep while driving to work this morning. Luckily I was awake at that moment during my drive. This fuckwad tried to get into my lane (the right turn lane) to get on the interstate. There was not enough room for him, but that didn't stop him. He didn't signal or anything, just almost caused my death as he merged illegally. Fucker. I ALWAYS use my turn signals, I ALWAYS head check, I ALWAYS make sure there is PLENTY of room for me to merge prior to doing so, because I do not want to cause an accident, and I certainly don't want to get ticketed for one.
Driving in ATL sucks. It's one of the worst cities for commutes in the country. In fact I think we're number four or five. The average commute is something like 40 minutes, but mine is 1:30 to 1:40 at the minimum. Of course I live 45 miles from the office too so I guess that might explain it. Unfortunately, my job is also not one that allows for telecommuting. I manage employees and the operations of my company so I have to be here to make sure my team are doing their jobs. Fun stuff. I love my job, just hate the commute.
I need a vacation.

September 08, 2006

Pancake Tits Returns

I bet ya'll wanna whip me with a wet noodle, don'tcha?

Yah, I've been a bad, bad girl. I haven't blogged in over a month! Over 30 days! OUCH!

I have no excuse other than the fact that I've been one busy ass byotch! I'm away from home a minimum of 12 hours a day and at least 3 of those hours are spent driving to and from work. My job has just gotten really, really busy, so much so that I just don't even think about blogging!

Until today!

I decided it was time to get back on this puppy and see how my beloved bloggers are doing!

So, how are you?

I'm well, sort of, thanks.

Just got in from my annual cooter appointment. That was fun.

The first words my gyno said to me when I walked in is "you've gained some weight since last years visit."


Well, no fuckin' shit, of course I've gained weight. She put me on Lupron Depot to put me into temporary menopause, what did she expect?

Plus, I don't eat like a normal person. By that I mean, I only eat twice a day because that's when I have time. In fact, I only eat when my body reminds me that it has been hours upon hours since I last filled it with vital sustenance. I'm usually about to pass out from hunger by the time I eat. Consequently, I scarf down something that is quick and generally bad for me, and a I eat a ton of it because I feel positively starved!

Is that wrong?

Oh, I got my hair all cut off....short! It's very short and sticks out all over the back and sides, but is just a tad longer on the top. I haven't had my hair short in years. I forgot that wavy/curly hair doesn't look as good as you might want it to when it is cut short. But, I'm coping and managing to make it look pretty good with a shit load of products. My hair is a stiff as Mr. D's fatty when he's hot for Ms. M. That's pretty fucking stiff just in case you were thinking he might get limp dicked when I need a good bonin'. Tee hee.

Let's see...oh, I had a birthday a week ago today. I turned the ugly 3-6. And thanks to this grand old age resting upon my shoulders, my gyno qualified me for a fucking tit squashing mammogram. Yes, you read right. I'm getting my tits turned into pancakes for the sake of keeping them healthy and cancer-free. Unfortunately, the squashing of the boobies will probably make them sore as fuck and bruised as shit. So, how does that make it healthy I ask you??? I know it's a necessary evil, but I thought I would at least get to wait until I turned 40 for fuck's sake!

Lucky me.

Well, anyway. Besides a mammogram, I didn't expect anything for my birthday because I didn't mention that I wanted anything. Of course my loving son didn't get me surprise there. If I got him nothing for his birthday you can bet your sweet asses I'd hear about it in octaves that would break my fragile tympanic membranes.

But, Mr. D, the sneaky bastard, managed to get me a very nice gift that I definetly never expected. No, not a porn swing. No, not a double ended dildo. No, now get your minds out of the gutter. He got me a video Ipod. I was happy with that. I guess I had mentioned that I was going to get myself one often enough that he decided to shut me up with one. Cool. Great boyfriend huh? I mean, he fucking listend to me!! I almost keeled over from shock.

I almost got my kid the Nano for his birthday, but he kept fucking up so I just got him a $150 gift card to The Bass Pro Shop. He likes to fish, but he has yet to spend his birthday present. Hmmmm? It's a quandry. I think it's because he's so up his girlfriends ass (not literally I hope) that he doesn't have time for anything else.

Including schoolwork.

I put the kibash on the girlfriend thing for a while. He didn't work on a big project for Geography that he promised me he would finish and obviously never turned it in after I pushed him to finish it as the deadline approached. But his girlfriend was more important to please than me I guess, so I took away his cell phone and house phone priviledges, plus he's not going anywhere for a couple of weeks until his grades improve. Plus he gets to do yard work and other fun chores.

Hopefully, that'll teach him.

Yeah, right.