Ms. M:

Running With Scissors

October 10, 2006

Whatdya Mean You Need More Pancake (tits)?

Well, I have to have another mammogram. Only on the left side. Turns out I have a suspicious lump that they need to further scrutinize. Just what I need. More issues, more health trouble.

It could be nothing, probably just a lymph node, but they have to check it out again to get a better view of what is really going on.

It sucks that the docs and nurses can scare people like this when it could be absolutely nothing.

They told me I needed to get back in ASAP for another mammogram, take the next available appointment. So, I made one, but the earliest I could get in is the 16th (next Monday). My boss, MSC, wants me to move this appointment to the end of that week or even later and do it in the afternoon instead of the morning. Unfortunately, the follow-ups are only done between 9:30 and 10:30 on specific mornings of the week so they can be distinguished between other appointments for screening. Too bad, so sad MSC.

I am surprised that she even asked me to do such a thing knowing that, for some odd reason, I've had one health crisis after another lately. I just want to be healthy goddammit!

Why am I always getting shitty news from doctors?

I have been giving my health a lot of thought lately. I'm only 36, but I didn't start getting diagnosed with "stuff" until I turned 30. It's almost like a magic switch was flipped and now my disease DNA came into play. I don't get it. Why couldn't all this crap have waited until I was in my 50's or 60's like everyone elses shit does? Well, most everyone. I guess I'm just one unlucky bitch healthwise.

Oh well.

To assist in my health, I've enlisted the help of a Super Diet, a 3 day diet that, combined with 4 days of moderate eating can cause up to 10 lbs of weight loss. I started it last week and lost 5 lbs. I was thrilled that it worked so well! So, I got D to do it with me. The lunches are pretty small so I'm sure he's gonna hate this diet, but if he sees results I bet he jumps on the bandwagon and kicks it into high gear.

Speaking of high gear, we walked last night and I discovered just how shitty of shape I'm really in! Cardio? I hate it. I loathe it. I DESPISE it! I'll live. I told him we have to ramp up to the really fast paced stuff. We jumped right into hills and my calves hurt today.

We went to our county's Fair & Festival on Saturday and rode this ride call the Moon Rocket. It's a circle that is really more of a small roller coaster. It starts you off where you go a quarter of the way up, then back, then half way round, then back, then all the way around several times. The problem is that there is hang time when you're at the top, hanging upside down. It's not so comfy to have that pressure on you. Plus, I held on so tight my biceps almost cramped up and now they kind of hurt. No use will do that I guess. After riding that ride first we didn't ride any more rough rides. Fun as it was, we stuck to the ferris wheel and the buckets that transport you above the fair from one end to the other.

I discovered I don't do so good with heights. I feel very vulnerable. What is up with getting old? I used to be fearless! Now I guess my own mortality has hit me and I'm afraid that I could die doing just about everything. Not such a good way to be I'd say.

I'm a fucking fraidy cat!



At 10/10/2006 12:29 PM , Blogger Jerrster said...

ms M.
out of nowhere I've developed something of a mild sense of clastraphobia...I don't know why...but it's real...I too was once fearless....things change. hope all is well and you can get off the medical tract.

At 10/10/2006 7:25 PM , Blogger lilfeathers2000 said...

Blessings & prayers for you.

At 10/10/2006 8:34 PM , Blogger Nihilistic said...

Wishing you all the best!

At 10/11/2006 9:21 AM , Blogger NuggetMaven said...

Honestly, I'm surprised at what the female titty can withstand. There are some days when I am *SURE* my titty is just going to explode during a mammo.

Good luck... keep us posted:)

At 10/11/2006 12:46 PM , Blogger Marny said...

Jerr, I too suffer a touch fo claustrophobia, but I managed to deal with it when I had an MRI while in the hospital. I was SO proud of myself, becasue that feeling sucks!

lifeather & nihilistic, thanks guys. All I can say is "it's always something." I'm not worried, at least not until they tell me to worry.

maven, I hope it bounces back into shape! YIKES!

At 10/16/2006 1:46 PM , Blogger ~Deb said...

The doctors told me that I had two large masses in my left breast. I went for that AWFUL mammogram, but they put me through an ultra sound which was much more effective. They say that the mammogram isn't as effective as the ultra sound. Good luck, and don't worry until the results come in.

Prayers going out your way!

At 10/23/2006 3:30 PM , Blogger KB said...

Been there on the mammo Marn. The "magnified view" sucks serious ass. YOUCH!

As for the phobia development--I'm actively working to get over my phobias. I'm in line for a job that requires I spend time in the back of a helicopter (I mean seriously, a chopper isn't big enough to have a back, is it?). Yikes.

How is the diet going? I just got a new treadmill. I tossed around the idea of an elliptical, but thought a new treadmill would get more use between the two of us.

At 12/05/2006 5:06 PM , Blogger dirtydan said...

not to throw another phobia into the mix...but I have been amazed to see recently that crash dieting seems almost inevitably to cause failure of the gall bladder. That bilious part of yr system has been working overtime compensating for yr lifestyle and it just doesn't jump on board to a new starvation trip because you want it to. Take it easy on that puppy!

all best trips.


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