Skirts so short your ass sticks to the pew in the summertime

This morning D and I went to IHOP for breakfast. Tried to beat the church crowd so we went in around 10AM.

There were lots of families and groups waiting to be seated already, but many more were pouring in. I think my eyes bugged out of my head when I saw a hoochy mama dressed in her finest slut attire for church! A young Hispanic family walked into IHOP with 5, count 'em, FIVE children, all ranging in age from infant to 7 years of age. Busy couple! But, what really got me was that this woman walks in, her whole family dressed in their Sunday best, but what does this little mother decide to wear to church to worship? She had on a tight, hot pink, lowcut rayon/spandex shirt, a tighter, pink/black leopard print micro-mini skirt, but the capper was her "come fuck me" strappy sandals. Stilettos to say the least! Good GAWD almighty! I bet the old women cringe and the old men drool when this gal walks in. I'm sure she picked a nice, noticeable spot down front so she could make an 'entrance.'

I suppose it sounds as though I'm being judgemental. D, being ever on top of what I say, had to let me know that I was being judgmental when I mentioned her church attire. I responded that I would never go to church in something where my tits might fall out or my ass checks might show. The old biddies would have me for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, plus I could be excommunicated for showing my body in a manner in which to elicit impure thoughts! The HORROR! I also mentioned that it is disrepectful to fellow worshipers, especially the women who don't want or need their husbands checkin' out her goodies.

D is not a church person, nor am I. I grew up Catholic, but since I have gotten older and wiser, I have decided that church is for those masses who wish to give up a portion of their salary and believe in something they cannot prove exists. Sounds suspiciously like a cult or brainwashing doesn't it???

Strangely enough another hispanic family, this time with four children under five, came in a couple of minutes later and THAT mother was wearing a short, tight micro-mini in pink and black too, only, if I were this mother I would NEVER have been wearing that skirt! She apparently was still carrying a lot of baby weight in her belly cause it was pulling pretty tightly at that skirt. Now, as a big woman, I do not wear anything so tight that it shows any unsightly bulges. I don't wear tents or unflattering clothes, but I also don't wear stretchy, tight skirts and extra tight, low cut tops that reveal whether or not I'm feeling a breeze. I'll wear low cut, just not terribly tight.

Do I sound judgmental? I know I must. I'm just wondering how much the church has changed since I left it. The overwhelming of our country by the right wing, Evangelical Christo-Republicans (my dad coined that phrase) leads me to believe that the country is becoming more provincial and less tolerant of people wearing what they want, especially to church. Judging from what these two young mothers were wearing I would appear the opposite were true.

Now, I do not believe in organized religion. I suppose I do believe in a higher power, but because I grew up in the Catholic Church, I cannot fathom anyone wearing hoochy mama clothing to worship/mass. Come on! That's gossip fodder for sure. And it would surely merit a stern talking to from the priest or an angry nun, not to mention the old biddies giving you the stank eye or bearing their dentures at ya! Wearing that kind of clothing would make for a busy confessional after church. No doubt about it!

Let the women wear what they want. They're the ones who have to hear about it when it's all said and done. If I looked good in a short skirt I might consider wearing it to, not to church-if I went-but maybe out to a club or a party. I was just shocked to see "Your Sunday Best" be something out of Frederick's of Hollywood in this era of extreme, conservative Christian values currently overtaking our country.

Perhaps I'll try a social experiment and actually go back to church. I'll wear a short, tight skirt, with 6 inch hooker heels and a low cut, cleavage busting shirt. I can guarantee you I would be asked not to return unless I wear respectable clothing. 'Respectable' in the eyes of the church is a dress or loose skirt below the knees, loose fitting shirt up to the neck or collar bone, flat or low heeled shoes, perferrably close toed. Not kidding here. In my old congregation you do NOT show up in anything revealing. You'd be asked to attend in the outter lobby area where mothers with crying children are forced to sit so they do not disturb mass.

Is it any wonder why I don't belong to the Catholic Church anymore?

Jealous? Who? Me?

I'm afraid I'm about to sound like a jealous girlfriend.

In one month D is going back to our hometown to gather his belongings from the home of his ex-wife. His things have been there a year. She's shacking up with some guy she cheated on D with. She's prego by this guy too. Nice slap in the face she gives to D. I know he still has some feelings for her regardless of her Borderline Personality Disorder and her relentless belittling of him.

I don't understand it.

Today he showed me a couple of pictures of her on the internet with this new man (not so new anymore). I haven't seen her for probably 12 years. She's not aging so well. She's a year older than me, but I don't think I'm aging as badly as she. I still look younger than 30. She looks like she's in her forties, at least around the eyes anyway. See? I probably sound jealous. Even if she wasn't D's ex I would still think she looks like she's not aging so well around the eyes.

I guess I wonder why he's with me. I'm a chubby girl, a single mom, I have some health issues (nothing life threatening at the moment). He says that he thinks I'm beautiful. Whatever. I guess my insecurities are coming out now that he's heading home to pick up his daughter from her mother (wife #1) and pick up the rest of his things from wife #2. I just wonder if he'll come back. What if bitch # 2 tries to convince him to stay? He says when she called him a few months ago to tell him she was pregnant by her BF it was simply to drive home the point that their relationship was through. I know it upset him. When they first got married six years ago they were trying to get pregnant, no luck though. Then she decided that she didn't want HIS baby at all (she told him she didn't want babies specifically with him) and made him get a vasectomy. He decided that was okay with him...no more babies. She was apparently having an affair. Two years into it she kicked D out and shacked up with her current BF in their home. D moved away because he couldn't be in the same small town, seeing them together as she rubbed the new BF (a large, fluffy guy) in his face. He moved to Vegas, shortly after that we reconnected, the he moved to ATL to be with me...the rest is history.

He says C (preggo ex-wife) would say he was reaching for the familiar by dating me. Whatever! We haven't dated in almost 16 years! We have a history that outlasts hers with his, at least timewise. But, she had his heart and then broke it. Just don't know if I'm the consolation prize. I would not want that to be true. I know if I ever find out that that is the case, I am soooo outtie. I couldn't stand the idea that I was someone that he "settled" for because he couldn't have her. I like to think I deserve much better than that. I know I do. I think I'm just projecting, or reaching, or reading too much into things. Come on psych majors! Help me out here!

Anyway, my insecurites are rearing their ugly head and I'm worried I'm going to do something stupid. My mouth spewing before my brain can stop it. I don't want to ask him what our future holds, I don't want to ask him if I compare to her (I worry that I don't on every level). I'm afraid that I'll say something stupid and incredibly boneheaded and start a fight. I don't know why I feel something coming..something brewing that I'm afraid of. It's all my doing too, or it will be. Gawd help me! I don't want to screw this up.

I'm serious! You pyschologist/psychoanalyst types....tell me what the fuck I'm doing and tell me how to stop! What should I be doing instead? I'm a loser I swear. I'm almost 36 years old and I'm about to screw up the best relationship I've ever had over my pitiful insecurities. I'm lame as a 3 legged dog!

I must say though. I'd rather be alone than be someone he's just biding time with. I can do the alone thing. I'm good at it. I enjoy it even. I guess this feeling right here is why I always hesitate to get into relationships. Either it's my insecurities or I have real reason to feel leary of the relationship. In this case, I just can't tell. He was very in love with her and she broke his heart. But, it's barely been a year since they separated and their divorce is not quite final yet. I just worry that, even though she's pregnant by this chunky keyboard player, that all she'll have to do is hint that she's even slightly unhappy and D will go running back, because C would have given him a speck of hope.

Do I sound so horribly insecure that I don't deserve a decent man???

Keep in mind, I've not brought up one of these thoughts to him. I'm not sure how to approach it. I don't want to start a fight over something that I could be totally off base about or could be insignificant, completely and totally. I could be wrong...flat out wrong. I just guess that my intuition has ALWAYS served me well so I can't ignore this gnawing intuitive feeling I have. I just know, if she gives him any hope, no matter how miniscule, that he will chuck me out with yesterday's garbage and race back to IL to "give it a second chance."

I couldn't handle it if that happened. This relationship with him has felt so right, for the first time ever. Now that he's going home to get his things (for only 3 days) I worry that things will change. Either he'll come back and decide that he's not ready for our serious relationship we find ourselves in, or he'll come back, only to pack up and move back home to wait for her to dump her fat boy after she has his baby.

I know. It sounds insane that I would think this way. My instincts tell me something is going to happen, I just don't know what. I guess that's why I keep speculating.

Since I'm having such paranoid thoughts, I'm planning on distancing myself from him as much as I can without breaking it off with him. Just until this trip of his is over. I think if I do that and he comes back to give me bad news it just won't hurt so much and break my already shoddily mended heart.

Oh well. Time will tell. I've been alone most of my life. I can keep on keepin' on the same way. I think my idea that I was not meant to be with anyone for any good length of time is not really an idea, but the way I'm supposed to live my life. I accepted that a long time ago and then D popped back into my life. Wham! I'm fucked, I swear. I hate opening myself up to this shit again. I may be way off base, but I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, like it always does.

Lord Save us. KFed has procreated AGAIN

I think it's time to insist upon sterilization for Britney Spears, or may just KFed.

There's another bun in the oven, the spawn of Satan, er, I mean Kevin Federline!

I Need A New Look

This is a call to arms! I need ya'll's help.

Is anyone else (besides me) tired of my blog design? I'm sick of seeing bagels and cookies and shit. I am ready to commission a blog designer. Any ideas? I love the idea of a retro look. The trailer trash thing is totally cool. I was thinking something along the lines of a retro-look Betty Paige dominatrix type thingy. Any takers on that idea?? Or maybe, because I AM the Divine Ms. M, perhaps a throne for my precious ass (way full of lard) to perch upon while I admire my haggard image in a hand mirror. Too narcissistic? Believe me, I'm not a narcissist, but I thought it might be fun to be a bad girl. Anyway, it's time for a change. Something that reflects the real me so I guess both of those ideas are ridiculous!

Some thoughts to ponder:

• I'm busier than a mo-fo these days with work and getting ready to move in with the BF since my lease is up. Also trying to get pre-qualified for a home loan and house hunting.
• My job and customer are making me crazy.
• Got a great new job I'm starting in 3 weeks and I'm just chomping at the bit to start.
• I'm a single mother of an almost 16 year old boy.
• I am constantly on the run all over this damn city (to my dismay).
• I have a little Parson Russell Terrier named Phoebe who has become the the little girl I never had. The dog gets babied by me like she was a REAL baby. I'm sick.
• Clean? Who has time to clean? I'm lucky I get to shower each day, let alone keep my house in tip top shape.

Okay, my life is a tornado of activity and it is wearing me out! That being said, I'm thinking... me in a business suit, with a tornado for legs, with a bag of groceries in one hand, Phoebe in the other, then another hand/arm holding my ringing cell phone, another hand typing on a laptop, my hair blowing around, bags under my eyes from lack of sleep, and a sullen looking teenager in the background. Perhaps a shot of tequila just out of reach of yet another hand??? I would have to change my blog title too. I'm thinking my gravatar/icon could be a cartoon version of me with blinders on, sawing logs, getting much needed sleep!

Whatdya think?

A Sister Needs Some Sleep!!!

Oy vey!! It's 3:50 AM and I woke up AGAIN! WTF?? Had a weird dream about an ex-boyfriend, possibly J's dad. Yes, it's between this one and D, my current BF. The dream I had was interesting. T, the ex in the dream, his wife HATED me. In real life, she is afraid I have designs on him, but I'm all about D. No worries for her there. But, this dream was strange. We had such a connection in my dream. Not sure if we would in real life. We haven't laid eyes on each other in about 13 years. I should know the answer to the paternity question on his side in about a week. Nervous doesn't even touch how I'm feelin' bout that! Truly, either T or D would be a great person for J to have as a dad. They've both said they want to be part of his life and develope a relationship. We'll see....

Okay, so I watched "24" tonight (BTW, I'm HOOKED), and I cannot believe the friggin' plot twists. For those of you who haven't been watching, Jack Bauer recovered a recording that implicates the current president in the assassination of the previous president. But, he gave it to save the life of his most recent ex-girlfriend. Now he's following the recording onto a chartered plane through the baggage compartment to get it back. DAMN, that show always reels me in so I HAVE to watch the next Monday. Thank Goddess for TiVo.

Tonight is "American Idol" and I KNOW several of you are watching. I've been watching since the 12 women and 12 men were picked. It was SO hard to watch the auditions. I can never do it. I get embarrassed for the losers who think they rock when they suck dick. So, I'm rooting for a couple of folks. I think if the American voters have any sense they'll keep Katherine McPhee and Elliot or Chris through the end. Katherine, by far, has the best, most controlled voice in the competition. She's not as exciting to watch as, say, Taylor Hicks, but his voice isn't that great, he's just a showman. I really like Elliot, but he's not as hawt as Chris, so I think we'll see Chris stay and be the last man standing with Katherine. BUT, so many people like Paris, but I just don't think she's as good a singer as KMcPhee. Don't get me started on Pickler. I know she's only made it this far on her cute, dumb, and likability factor, cause her voice sho ain't getting her anywhere! She's just not the caliber of singer that Catherine, Chris, or Elliott is.

Let me tell you how hard it is to keep a secret from the rest of my co-workers that I'm taking a new job. It BA-LOWS! I want to tell them, but I can't, not till I get my resignation in and a two-week notice given (I'm doing this on Thursday of this week). I'm going to be busier than hell after that. I'm already sort of working my new job, working with MSC on a couple of projects, but it ties in with my current job so it's not technically working for her yet. I'm still doing my job by working with her because her new company is providing a valuable service to us with my most hated customer who keeps me "busier than a one-armed paper hanger" (can anyone tell me where that movie quote came from and who said it? KB oughtta know it!). Still, I am SO looking forward to the new job! I'll miss my company, but I won't miss the fact that my customers abuse my kind and gentle nature (yes I am that way, ask KB) and take advantage of it continually. You see, I can't say no. D thinks that's why I get overloaded and fucked over at work. Yah, he's probably right, but I've been pushing back with my dickhead customer and they don't like it. They've taken it to the Sales Mgr and she's supporting me without truly supporting me. We've found a way to get the customer what they want, but for a fee. I won't have to provide specific ad-hoc reports (data they can get of the billing CD and billing flat file they'll be getting after their bill cycle ends) that they want me to manipulate the data so they only have to open the report and see what they want. So, IT will build the report for me, and because the customer didn't negotiate their reporting needs into their newly signed contract, we'll be charging monthly for them. HA! Take that Mr. ASS Customer. Try and fuck me into more work that isn't my job and I'll fuck you right back! Now, normally I would just do the work and end up working 60 or more hours a week to keep up with all of my customers' needs, but I just got fed up with being abused by this customer. I set a bad precedent early on with them by being on top of everything they asked for, but in the process, fucking my other customers by not being able to give them my attention...not much anyway. So, I've made it be known that I'll do the work, but in my own time based on the needs of all my customers. Plus, from previous posts, you'll note that this customer thinks every need is a fire drill and they needed it yesterday. Too fuckin' bad! DAMN I will NOT miss that customer!

Okay, you can tell I don't have any good stories to tell. I don't think I'm a born story teller like CP is. She has a much better memory than me, cause mine sucks. I think too much ganja ruined my short term memory! DAMN! But, I'm working on it and it's getting better, I think. Anyway, that's all I have to say in the middle of the night. I'm gonna try to get another hour or so of sleep before I begin the hellish ritual of trying to get my 15 year old son out of bed and ready for the school bus which leaves at 6:30. We BARELY made this morning. I drove him to the bus stop so he wouldn't be late and the bus was JUST pulling up. Amazing. Truly amazing how lazy and lackadaisical my kid is.

I gotta sleep a bit more!!! Later my favorite pals!

My Great Home Buying Debate....

I'm house hunting.

Does anyone have any advice for a first time home buyer? I don't know if I'm going to buy ASAP or give it a few months. I am planning to live with D for a bit. Save some money, pay off some bills; in other words, get ahead. I don't mean give him head, okay I do mean that too, but I mean get ahead of the game! Minds out of the gutter people! Okay, I'll have to pull mine out too.

Anyway, I'm not sure what I really want. I am not planning on having more kids; J is almost 16 as it is! Also, D and I are not planning on getting married, just probably living together in blissful sin. You know non-married sex is always HAWTER than married sex because you know you're breaking a cardinal sin...not a mortal one for all you Catholics. I assume that the Catholic Church has emerged far enough out of the dark ages that they aren't stoning women anymore for having pre-marital sexual relations. I was raised Catholic and that never stopped me! I liked my sex dammit, from the very first time I had sex until this very moment. In fact, D nailed me good last night so I'm feeling euphoric!

Going back to what I want (mind outta the gutter, mind outta the gutter) I was thinking I might buy a town home or condo simply because I just don't see a reason to try to make the time to mow my lawn and do maintenance on the outside of my home if I don't have to. If I do buy, I hate moving so I would stay put for a quite a while. I just have no need for more room than a town home or condo would offer. J will be leaving the nest soon enough and I don't want to have to clean a bunch of empty rooms. What's the point? D, of course, thinks I should buy a house, however yesterday we drove by some lake condos that come with boat slips so he got all excited. I have an appointment to look at one tomorrow so I'm kind of excited myself! These condos are surrounded by tall trees so they are in the shade most of the time which means the heat wouldn't be so bad during the summer. I like that! It's hotter than the hinges of Hades in this state! The humidity is stifling! It's like walking into a wall of water when you leave the sanctity of your air conditioned home! Not pretty for people like me who straighten their curly/wavy mop of crappy hair. These lake condos also have lofts and fireplaces. They're two-story A-framish looking. Very funky. Kind of old, but I've seen pictures of the inside of them and they are sweet! Reasonably priced for a lakeside condo too! They're right on the lake! Most lake property sells for anywhere from $300K to over $1M. These condos are considerably less. Just under $200K.

If I don't like the condos by Lake Lanier I'm going to look in Alpharetta, which is West of where I live now, and just south of D. Some of the town home/condos I'm planning to look at are on the West side of GA400 (a NIGHTMARE of traffic on that road during rush hour) and my new company is just off 75N, North of the perimeter so I wouldn't have to take any highways to get to work and I'd be going against the flow of traffic. To that I say... Fuckin' A!!!

Wow, I rhymed!

D really wants me to look seriously at the condos by the lake because of the boat slips. He is planning on buying a speed boat. My thoughts are this. If I buy one of these condos and he wants to park his boat in my slip he better be movin' in with me. Strange...that sentence has a lot of innuendo in it and I didn't even mean it like that. I guess once you have a horribly dirty mind, like mine, you just sort of naturally speak in innuendo. Kinda cool, don'tcha think? Anyway, I could buy the condo without the slip, but he really wants a boat slip and if I buy it with the slip it raises the monthly payment by $200 if I lease with an option to buy. He says that's cheap. I say, shit or get off the pot in regards to the outcome of the condo/boat slip purchase and his desire for this slip...move in or move on. If I just buy it outright I don't know if it raises the price of the condo. Good question to ask I suppose.

Now, I'm not saying D has to marry me to use the boat slip. I could care less if I ever get married again after being married divorced twice before the age of 35. I just don't know if I want to legally bind myself to someone whom I may not make it into old age with. Then I'd have to go through all that legal shit again and I just loathe that process. D is in the same boat and feels the same as me. So we have talked about it and plan to move in together, eventually, so whatever I purchase, he will eventually be living in. That's why he would rather I buy a house, but because of the slip access he's kinda jonesin' for one of these condos. Got any money to contribute honey, especially if you're NOT living with me if I move into those lake condos?

Just to clarify, D is not in the market to buy a house at the moment. Long story, but he has to wait until his ex-wife refinances a second mortgage that currently has his name on it. She's having some legal issues getting his name off of the loan (long story). Once that is done he can buy too, but I think he's thinking we could get a place together rather than each purchase separate homes. In fact we've talked about buying together, but with this ex-wife/second mortgage situation still in limbo he's caught between a rock and a hard place.

Well, time will tell. Ultimately, it's my decision. I'm not basing it on what he wants. I learned a long time ago not to base my decisions on the possibility of anything, especially when it involves a man.

Can I hear an "AMEN" my sisters???

So, what's on your weekend agendas?

Bye Bye Old Job, Hello NEW!

Okay, I did it. I accepted the new position with the new company I told ya'll about.

I decided that I had to make a change. I am SICK of my customers and all the overwhelming amounts of work I've had to do, not just for them, but for my job as well. Since my company merged EVERYone has been inundated with additional work and training and we're all very burned out.

So, I am leaving my safety net. I'm heading to a different company in a different part of town, giving up my home office for more money and a nice entry on my resume' that I would never attain working for my current company. It's just time to think about myself and my career rather than my comfort zone. I need the money and I think I'm going to LOVE this job! It has an actual career path that I don't have at my company. 70K employees pretty much make it nearly impossible to get a position in a different department. Everyone who hires usually has a candidate already in mind and just goes through the pretense of interviewing as a formality. WHATEVER!

Anyway, I am turning my two week notice in on May 1st. That's only a two weeks from yesterday! I have to stay to see a project through. No one else has worked as hard as I have and I just can't leave it in the middle. If something goes wrong, I've burned a bridge and I just don't want to burn ANY bridges.

I start my next job the following Monday after my last day at my old company. I talked to MSC today, who just left my company and now works for the new company and wants me to work with her. She told me they just ordered me a sweet laptop, all new office furniture, a new Blackberry and I can get whatever I need for my office in the way of supplies. I'm freakin!!!

It's real now.

Whoa.

I'm stoked!

Now, since I'm leaving my apartment, I'm also looking for a new place. I have plans to stay with the BF, but if I find something that really suites my needs in the right location I'm going to take it! I've got some good prospects. I'm not buying yet, maybe in a few months. I really want to pay off my credit cards before taking the plunge. Get rid of as many bills as possible!

So, a lot is going on. My head is spinning!

I've been TAGGED by Gidget!!!

Ms. Gidget Bones tagged me today.

My ear sure hurts were it went through. I don't know if the blood dripping from it really compliments my complexion either.

Hmmph. Oh well.

Here's the rules!

1. Go write weird facts/things/etc. about yourself in my comment box and on your site, then tag six more people!

2. Then leave a comment that says "You are tagged!" in their comments telling them to read your site.

6 Weird Things About Me

1. I cannot eat raw tomatoes, but I will eat salsa. Go figure
2. My feet look like Barney Rubble's feet from "The Flintstones"
3. I had a mole in my belly button from birth that grew to be very large and raised. But when I got pregnant with my son, it started sticking out (I have an inny belly button) and eventually starting breaking off in peices until it was all gone. Now I'm mole-free there. Woohoo!
4. I had to have my jaw repositioned with a monstrous appliance when I was in grade school because I had a very bad overbite. Now I have a perfect bite. Every dentist I've ever been to has remarked on it. Kinda weird, but nice to know at least one thing about me is perfect!
5. My hair was straight until I gave birth to my son, now it spirals in the back and falls in waves on the sides. It sucks cause it looks stupid when it's curly so I have to straighten it to make it look decent, which also sucks.
6. I love British sit-coms. They kill me! I even go around speaking in a British accent after I have watched them! Freak? Yup, right here!

Okay, now that I've given you a bit of weird info on me, I'm tagging the following fellow blog buddies. I luv ya!!!

KB was already tagged so I have to skip her dammit! So, Maven, CP, Jerry, Lily, Mr. F
and NonGirlfriend, you all have been tagged!

Doh! I'm an IDIOT!!!!

I have been one busy fucking bitch.

I have worked my fingers to the bone this week, going above and beyond to please my customer, trying to meet our contract signing deadline.

Sleep?

What's that?

I think I remember it...

Anyway; I made a stoooopid boo-boo this week.

Actually, it was yesterday, when I was supposed to have Good Friday off.
I composed an email in answer to some questions my customer (who has been runnin' my fat ass ragged these last two weeks) had regarding my company's reporting capability as to what we can provide versus what his company requires (commands, demands, no excuses bitch!) we provide them (translation: I provide them!).

Where my mistake occurred is that I composed my response to his email in 'reply to all.' But, then I decided to remove the customers' contacts so it only went to mine with a preface note saying "please read this. I'm burned out on this customer and I'm afraid my tone may be too harsh. Please tell me what changes should be made to make this email more professional/kind." But, the mistake came in that there was someone from my customer's company left in the 'CC' field.

HOLY

FUCKING

SHIT!

ON A SHINGLE!!!!!!!

WHAT HAVE I DONE????

Okay...

Breathe....

Whew! That's better.

I tried recalling the email the moment I sent it.

It didn't fucking work. Everyone I sent it to (including Mr. Customer) read the fucking thing.

I immediately placed a call to this 'CC'd' cat I mistakenly left on my email to explain that he wasn't meant to see it. The convo went sumthin' like this:

Me: Hi Guy (pseudonym). It's M from MyCo.

Guy: *chuckles* Hi M. How are you?

Me: Well, obviously, a little frazzled, I'm sure you know why.

Guy: yah, I just read your email.

Me: I'm SO sorry for the mistake. I'm a tad punchy after getting about 4 hours of sleep this week working on all the requested reports need before our contract deadline and, needless to say, I'm fried and worried that I'm wording my emails in a negative tone. I was requesting some assistance from my teammates to help me write it in a more positive light. I hope you don't think badly of me. I forgot to remove you from the CC. I was hoping to send a clean response that answered your boss's request without sounding bitchy or negative.

Guy: I know, he's a tough one. He makes demands on short notice. I know you've worked above and beyond on this one. Your email goes no further. I promise. I understand where you're coming from.

Me: I apologize. I've just been so focused on what I had to do, that I'm afraid I've burned myself out a bit.

Then I asked him some more questions regarding his boss's expectations and what may happen if I fall short? I really don't want this man to think I'm not competent because, so far, I've managed to do everything and then some on what they've requested.

This customer point of contact that I deal with (Guy's boss or ‘GB’) puts unreasonable time constraints on his requests. For example:

EMAIL:
4:55 PM (inevitably a Friday)
M,

I need a report on _______, _______, _______, and _______, including details on ______ and ______from ______ 2005 thru______ 2006 and I need it by COB (close of business) today! Please provide ASAP!

GB
HisCo

I get these types of emails DAILY. He expects me to read his email the moment I receive it and produce answers or reports within a few minutes. He also copies about 5 people, plus managers, so that he guarantees that I'm going to get him what he wants when he wants it.

Fucker.

I'm not kidding. I'm being completely LITERAL about his requests and the example above.
This man has NO idea what his request may require on my end to produce and complete at the level he wants to see.

WTF?????

I would be so much more amenable to his request if he simply asked me to provide him reports followed by a "Is it possible to get this report today?" or "when do you think you may be able to obtain these reports? Would it be possible to get them by COB today or some time tomorrow?"

Anyway, Guy gave me some advice on how to handle him. Basically, be a straight shooter.

I have been a straight shooter with this man (GB) thus far. However, I have learned not to promise anything by any specific date simply because I need to give myself ample time to produce a quality product for this man. He expects SO much detail that there are times when I am unable to get such information for him. Some of the detail that he requests is just not available. Not just to me, but it may not be something that other reporting teams can actually pull. His answer to my "That information is not available" reply is generally (GB is an older black gentleman who speaks in a deeply Southern voice) "You mean to tell me that you can't provide this information to me that I have been able to get from your competitor?" Seriously, he thinks that by throwing competitor threats at me with a question like that will cause me to bend over backwards to make it happen.

Well guess what? My own ego and reputation will not let me fail. This has become a serious character flaw!!!

I am STOOOPID because I end up making his shitty requests happen one way or another (Ego, remember?). Generally at the expense of my sanity and my normal sleep habits.

Oh, and at the expense of my son's needs as well. He's being somewhat deprived of my attention. Well, not really somewhat. He IS being deprived. I feel like I'm constantly telling him, "Not now, I'm working" for just about every request or question he asks me.

I have become GB's "beck and call" girl. I have set the worst possible precedent and expectation for him. That I will hand him the lube with a bowed head before he screws me in the ass.

OH HELL NO!

So, it's time for a change....

"What changes?" you ask???

Stay tuned on what changes I'm making! There is MUCH more to come in the next couple of days...I have exciting news (for me at least) that may entertain you!

Overworked, Underpaid, and Ready for the Cuckoo's Nest!

I'm a dumbass from hell. It's 6:42 AM and I have to leave my house no later than 7 AM to get to the other side of the city by no later than 8:30 AM (wish me luck in traffic hell). My kid is supposed to be in the shower, but that doesn't appear to be happening. I have wet hair, no makeup and I'm not dressed.

I'm a slacker extraordinaire!

I've been working this morning because my week is filled with meetings and bullshit that is keeping me from doing my regular job. It's killing me. I have SO much to do and just NO time.

Ya'll ever feel that way? I'm literally drowning in reports and bullshit that I need to do, but cannot because I have these lame ass, pompous bullshit, executive level meetings I am required to attend so I can listen to the droning on and on of self congratulation and kudos to those that are not me (fuck).

I'm way over it all. I just need to do my job dammit!

So, I'm sorry if you don't see much activity from me this week. I've got way too much work today and then family to take care of besides. I'll be lucky if I get to take a whopping dump this week!

Please speak kindly to this way stressed bitch. Or tell me something funny to break up my hell week. I'm hoping I don't bite off some unsuspecting co-worker (or my kid's) head this week.

Goddess help me!

Die, You Gravy Sucking Pigs!

I hate the leasing company who runs my apartment complex. They are sneaky, money grubbing, gouging bastards. And believe me when I say that, it is said with calm that is not felt.

I have already been pissed several times over the last couple of days when I think about my current issue with them.

I have turned in my intent to vacate letter for the end of the month of May. My lease is actually up May 22nd. Today is April 8th. I am late on my rent because I had a fine to pay. I notified them of this situation. No biggee. They put a note in the door letting me know the late fee and the date when more fees would be added if I didn't get it paid by then.

My rent is only $850 for a two-bedroom 3 bath apartment. It's a killer apartment. I love it. But, I hate this leasing company so much I decided to get out! Here's the real kicker though. The note they put in my door says my base rent for this month is $940. What I don't get is this: If my lease is not up and my lease states my rent is $850, how can they now be charging me a base rent of $940 plus a late fee? Also, they say that my rent will now be $1039 per month. Does that seem legal to you? It sure stinks to me.

In fact, I called up the business manager, AMANDA *cutesy snide inflection*. She, of course, had just stepped out of the office. I spoke to a nice Hispanic lady on the phone, she asked if I wanted to leave a message. You bet your ass I did!

I told her to tell Amanda to call me back ASAP and to also understand that my lease states my base rent is $850 and that is what I will be paying, plus the late fee which I know I will owe. I will not be paying $940 or more as base rent. That she MUST have made a mistake as these amounts were NEVER mentioned in my lease or otherwise.

I have heard nothing from her and I received this note yesterday afternoon. What a bitch. Does she think that I'm going to let this drop? HELL NO. I guarantee you that if I put the $850, plus late fee in the rent payment drop I will get it back in my door with a note saying it's not the full payment.

I refuse to pay what they are asking. It's extortion. Would you pay it? Does anyone know if this is legal?? My lease says nothing about raising the rent if I don't sign a new lease. I turned in my notice to vacate in on April 1. That gives me 60 days (till May 31), as required by my lease, to move. Come ON!! My lease doesn't say that if I don't renew my lease that they can bump me up BEFORE my lease is actually up!

I'm am seeing red. So sorry if I am just spewing acid and anger. Just pissed like a drunk Irishman.

Advise?

What Dat? Is Dat Delta Burke??

Has anyone ever told you that you look like someone else? Someone famous? Someone not so famous? Someone you would rather not be compared to? Someone you are more than happy to be compared with?

Ever since I was 18 years old I have been told I look like Delta Burke. Our coloring is different, but the similiarities are still there. I don't see it right off the bat. Then I'll see a picture of her and swear it's me with darker hair and fairer skin. It's freaky.

I remember when the comparison first started. I was working as a waitress while I was in college and this busboy (a goofy art student) started calling me Loretta, then Priscilla, then finally settled on Delta (what's up with these funky names these women have?). I knew who the first two were, but had no idea who Delta Burke was. Little did I know that she would be someone who was to go on to bigger fame, bigger butt, then smaller butt, and somewhere in the middle she married Gerald McRainey.

Her showtime show "First and Ten" was the first comparison. She was the owner of a football franchise or something like that and supposedly beautiful. I never saw it so I had no idea who people were comparing me to. I just liked that part that they said, "she's beautiful" when they compared her looks to mine. I was like "cool!" I can totally handle the comparison.

It went on like that for a few years. She started 'Designing Women' and I thought she was great on that show. I still didn't really see the comparison that much. Certain smiles, certain looks I could see, just not all the time.

I remember one time I was working in this factory after my son came along, trying to stay in school and keep formula in the bottle. I was walking in as the 3rd shift was walking out and some smart ass chick made a snide comment..."Well it's Delta Burke!" She didn't say it like it was a good thing. I don't know why, I had no idea who this chick was. I just assumed that she was tired from her 3rd shift, ready to go home, a total bitch, and jealous that she was ugly. *L*

That was the first time anyone had said anything derogatory about my resemblance to Delta Burke. I wondered, "Is this a bad thing? Do I want to discourage people from this comparison?" That really was the only time anyone said anything negative. For the most part, people have really responded well.

It's very strange. EVERYone in my immediate family has been remarked upon, how they resemble someone famous. My little sister looks like Debra Messing. Skinny, red hair (not her natural color BTW). But she looks a lot like her at certain angles. I think my sister is much prettier though. My older sister has been compared to Brook Shields and Kirstie Alley. I see the comparison to both in her, but only occassionally. My dad has always been likened to Tom Selleck during his Magnum PI days. My friends swooned over him. Uh..gross girls! He's my DAD. My mother used to get compared to Elizabeth Taylor during the 60's and 70's, her heyday. When I was a little girl people used to tell my mother that I looked a lot like Elizabeth Taylor as a child. I had no idea what she looked like back then. I don't think I did, but what the hell?

So, it's weird. We apparently don't look like our own selves. Not sure how I feel about that. I would kind of like a bit of individuality myself. I'm a fatty so I suppose I have finally become my own person (or two).

My son definitely looks like me, but he looks like himself, no one else. I'm so grateful for that. When he was growing up I thought he would grow up to look like Kirk Cameron without the curly hair. Nope, he looks like me. Does that mean he looks like Delta Burke? HELL NO. He's just a freckled face kid who has my eyes and mouth.

I look like my dad with my grandpa's nose and my mother's green eyes and dark complexion. I got the best of both of them, that's for sure. I did get the shitty genes though. I am the shortest in my family, I'm only 5'4" and my oldest sister is 5'11.5". My younger sister is 5'8" and my mother is 5'6". Pop tops us all at 6'1". My older sister married a man who is 6'4". She had to have someone that made her feel short since she towered over everyone and got made fun of for being so damn tall for a girl. Go figure.

I also got the fat genes and the health issues from my mother. It sucks, but I'm learning to deal with it. Strangely Delta Burke and I have another thing in common regarding our health. She's a diabetic and I've been borderline (according to my doctor) for almost 5 years. Maybe we're distantly related???

Well, that's all I have to say tonight. Except, who have you been told you resemble? Gimme the dirt!

Let There Be Light....PLEASE!!!!

My power went off tonight, and it went off earlier today. It really pisses me off because it kicked off in the middle of my soap, Guiding Light, then tonight it went off right at 9PM so not one minute of '24' recorded. It finally came back on around 9:20 PM and I had to start manual recording on my TiVo.

What the hell is going on with the power???? It was out all over my apartment. The news tonight showed a story about the Atlanta Hartsfield Jackson International airport, the busiest in the world, also had a power outage for several hours in Concourse D. This is crazy! It halted everything!

The weather is beautiful here, but we've had rain and tornado warnings today. For the most part, the day has been beautiful so I just don't get the power outages.

Lucky me I'm prepared for a power outage, but damn! Two times in one day! I'm sure it won't be the last though.

I'm really just pissed about the whole TiVo thing. Tells you where my priorities lie huh? Not worried about my refridgerated goods, I'm worried about getting my '24' fix. FREAK!! Yup, I sure am.

I WAS able to start this post though, using my Sprint PCS EVDO broadband card given to me by my company. It rocks! Battery powered laptop and an 'air' card. Keeps me connected enough to check my blog and comment on others. I LOVE technology! It's faster than dial up though not as fast as my cable modem (not nearly), but I'm CONNECTED!

Okay, this spring forward shit is kicking my ass. I can't handle it! I know it's only 9:05 PM rather than 10:05 PM, but I'm so freakin' sleepy! Also, the pollen in this city is ridiculous! It is every year from all the pine trees. EVERYTHING turns yellow! So, I've had sinus headaches and my allergies are making me sleepy along with the time change, getting up an hour earlier. I'm sneezing my fool head off! Bleck.

So, I'm going to bed! Too much to do tomorrow! I hate work!!

So love ya, and

Later ya'll, er you all!

Things you will NEVER hear a Southerner say ...

I'm sure you have all seen or heard these, but I just thought...why not?


40. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen.
39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won't fix that.
37. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can't feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
30. Wrasslin's fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We're vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don't need another dog.
24. Who gives a dang who won the Civil War?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15. I've got it all on the C: drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
12. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
9. Checkmate.
8. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
6. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
5. I don't have a favorite college team.
4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
3. You All.
2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer.
> > >>> And, Number ONE is:
1. Nope, no more for me. I'm driving tonight.