You're Bed or Mine?

Is there anyone out there who hasn't heard of a tempurpedic bed? It's the Swedish memory foam bed that costs about $1700 for a queen set. I had never slept on one before until I started dating Pablo. He HAD to have one. He had one during his previous marriage and learned that he coudn't sleep on a regular spring mattress.

Fuckin' Aye.

I have a regular spring mattress that I bought about 14 years ago. It was fabulous back then and even through several years, but lately it's starting to break down a bit. Let me put it this way. When I wake up in the morning my lower back feels as though Gene Simmons stood on my back doing the Irish Riverdance with his humongous chunky boots from his KISS days. Now, if it was Pablo doing it, and I wasn't trying to sleep, that might be a turn on. I certainly don't mind if my back pain is from Pablo fucking me into a pretzel as he tends to do when he's nailing me six ways to Sunday. Unfortunately, we think it may be my bed. My bed may becoming a peice of shit.

Don't think that I don't hear it from Pablo too. He will only sleep at my house one fucking night a week because he claims he doesn't sleep as well as he does on his tempurpedic bed. I agree with this, but since I'm forced to sleep in my bed most of the time because I still have a kid at home you would think Pablo Fucktard would compromise and sleep in my bed more than one night a week. I mean, come on. We're talking about a ride from my magic carpet, er, well...there's no carpet...but getting off topic. He is always trying to get me to his house instead.

Now the funny part about me staying at his house? We never have sex there. EVER. Strange, I know. The bed is so damn tranquil to sleep in. The minute you lay your angelic lil' head on the fabulous tempurpedic pillows you drift into a deep and almost dreamless sleep. You don't move, you just lay like a turd in sand. It's un-fucking-real sleep. I mean, you immediately WANT to sleep. It's impossible to stay awake. So, having sex just doesn't happen.

On my bed, however, the minute we get into bed and turn the lights off we start humping away on each other. And let me tell you, I have to keep my kitty screeches quiet at my place. I have a kid and a behemoth of a neighbor upstairs whom I'm afraid might break down the door and rape my Pablo based soley on my shrieks of lust, "FUCK ME HARDER!" that she probably hears through the floor. It sucks, but I control my noise, dammit.

I know it sounds as though we're only having sex once a week when he stays at my house, but he's AT my house every day so we get in some serious kitty play at least every other day while Peabody is at his buddy's house playing video games or guitar. No kid equals playing hide the salami... A LOT.

But, wait a minute. Maybe that is why my back hurts so much. I'm always getting my pink canoe pounded by his fat man till my eyes roll back in my head IN my bed. I bet it's not my bed that sucks so much...it's the continued fuckfest we have IN my bed. I guess we'll have to test out the tempurpedic for it's ability to eliminate my back pain after getting my ass nailed to the headboard. I shall let you all know once we've investigated several times to make sure we obtain the same results. You must be objective during research you know. I want my results to be untainted! I just hope I can walk when the testing is through!

Wish me luck in my Fuck Quest!