Cold? Ask this bitch's tits

My left tit fell out of my swim suit at the gym tonight. Yes, it really fell out, continually while I tried to swim. I had to finally give it up. My tits are just too fucking big and need to be reduced...seriously! I loathe them. I'm going to buy a granny swim suit that comes up to my neck to keep the fat bags from flopping out for all to see.

Now, I know there are women out there who complain that they don't have enough tits to fill a thimble, but let me tell you, the opposite is just as much of a bloody bitch. SO, suck it up sisters! At least you can cross your arms over your chests (or lack thereof) successfully. I can't even do that!!! My crossed arms rest on TOP of my funbags which is ridiculous looking. I look like I'm Jeannie from "I Dream of Jeannie" as she's blinking to grant a wish. My arms are "resting" at freakin shoulder level for fuck's sake!

Lying on my back in bed is a pain because my hooters fall toward my neck, making it difficult to breathe, SERIOUSLY. I can't lay on my stomach because they're in the way and hurt when you put your body weight on them. Laying on my side is tantamount to suffocation as well. The boobs fall toward my neck and one lay on top of the other. It's lovely, really attractive. Especially having "relations" with Pablo. They are bouncing all over the place!

I'm queefing irritatedly.

Mammaries suck...they SUCK. I dream of being a 34B or even a 36C. Instead I'm a 38G, yep I said it. a 38G! How could that ever be construed as a good thing???

I want breast reduction and a lift. The weight of my knockers pulls em down and now they look like tube socks with a softball in each one. Okay, they're not that bad, but they are too big! Plus, the weight of these melons have caused me untold amounts of back pain. My chiropractor is making some cash off my tottie caused pain. The bastard.

I want to cut off my tits!

I mean, I'm done having babies so I don't have a reason to breast feed anymore, which, BTW, is the reason for said funbags stretching to my navel! Fuckers. The only reason to keep them is getting it on with Pablo! Actually, my funbags are not the focal point when we're doing the deed...hehehe. Pablo likes things further "south of the border."

Give me normal "dirty pillows" or give me...for starters, how about a sports bra big enough to hold these puppies down! How about a swim suit that won't stretch out from them so the monsters won't escape! I just want to buy normal sized shirts and normal sized bras for fuck's sake! I dream of buying a bra in a normal store. Is that retarded? Probably, but mark my words, some day I will have NORMAL sized gonzagas.

I should just name the bitches and get it over with. Suggestions anyone?