Forget diseases, my KID is KILLING me!

I guess this Lupron therapy I'm on is really giving my kid some grief.

Correction: I am giving my kid grief while on this Lupron therapy.

Getting him up in the morning is notoriously the bane of my existence. He just won't budge his ass out of the bed in the morning and it takes me, seriously, 5 or 6 times (or more) to get him to get up. I end up resorting to getting angry with him for not obeying me and I raise my voice so it penetrates through the fog he seems to be in.

This morning he decided that he hates me, that I'm depressing him, that he wants to die, that he doesn't want to have to come home to me.

Keep in mind that P is 15, almost 16. His hormones are raging causing him to be irrational and extremely moody. It's wearing my patience thin to say the least, but I manage to keep in control. I thought I was faring well on Lupron. I don't seem to be having major mood swings, but I am so forgetful and I feel very burned out by my job right now. So does everyone else at work because we're all so overwhelmed with work since the merger. Maybe I'm taking my stress out on P. I hope not.

Am I wrong to get irritated when he won't get out of bed? He fights me on it EVERY SINGLE MORNING. This shit is getting OLD. I am so tired of it, I just yell at him to get his butt out of bed. He gets a ride every morning and he's always making them wait when they've called three times to let us know when they'll be there and could he be waiting outside for them. The kid still doesn't move his ass when someone else has to be someplace on time for tutoring or what have you.

Rude. He's rude and is selfish and I'm sick of it.

I'm not sure what to do from here, but I think I'm going to see about therapy and perhaps Lexapro or Zoloft. He needs something to keep his moods level. You never know when the kid is going to snap. I'm a worried because he's so big and strong and he tells me he hates me and wants to kill himself. What if he really does something about it? The teen suicide rate is real and so may be his threats. I don't want anything happening to my kid. He's ALL I have.

By the same token, I cannot let him continue mistreating me and taking me and others for granted. He needs to learn to respect his elders as well as other people's generosity and time that they give to him. He just expects things rather than respects them and appreciates them. I'm at a loss. His generation is the most slovenly, slack-assed, irresponsible, sense of entitlement feeling bunch of assholes I've ever seen. I wonder if any of that last sentence is grammatically correct? Probably not. I'm pissed, I don't care.

I'm about to lose it. I need this kid to grow up to be a good citizen, a smart guy, a responsible, trustworthy, humble guy. That's all I've ever tried to teach him to be, I swear. You send them out into the world to be with others their age and hope they all come together to be a great generation...our country's future *cringe.* MTV and video games have ruined it all. Bam Margera, Jackass, Sweet Sixteen, not to mention the cartoons, South Park, Adult Swim cartoons and comics on Comedy Central.

All the work I've put in just seems to have been erased or pushed to the side. I didn't have a child to let network and cable television raise him. I try hard to be a good mother and teach him good values, morals and respect. Apparently I don't make as strong an impression as Bam, or Johnny Knoxville, or Eric Cartman.

The answer is simple. No more television I guess. Which is sad, because I look at television as my reward at the end of the day for doing all I have to do and putting up with so much bullshit. But for P, he thinks he should be allowed to watch whatever he wants, whenever he wants and fuck me. So, I will be removing the t.v. (again) and probably the cable from the house this time.....Or maybe I'll just have it in my room. So, if he wants to watch t.v. he has to watch what I want to watch. Plus, he'll need my permission.

I don't want to alienate our relationship, but I'm pretty sure I'm about to do it. You gotta do what you gotta do I guess. It's fucking sad when a t.v. can be the cause of all your problems. But, getting rid of the t.v. may be the answer. Or getting rid of his asshole friends.

I'm pretty sure he's smoking pot (funny how I WISH I could an don't) which he knows if he is caught using he would not leave the house again for months. I think he may be smoking cigarettes too. I know the kid can get alcohol at his friend's house because this kid's mother enjoys her cocktails afterwork. Then (because she is a lightweight) she passes out shortly after dinner leaving her kid to indulge at will. P has told me about this before. So, I imagine, when I am working, he moseys on over there after school and loads up.

GAWD it sucks to be a parent sometimes. It used to be, when he was little, that the good far outweighed the bad, but now it's almost ALL BAD. I'm doing this alone too so I'm really losing it. I have a few health issues that are getting me down, depressing me and causing me daily pain. He knows this and continues to make me miserable, I swear, on purpose.

What the hell happened to my KID?