Ms. M:

Running With Scissors

January 30, 2006

Deliver Me From....


Ahhh, Atlanta traffic.



I drove 33 miles to work today at my newly merged company's office in Marietta, GA. My own office is only 13 miles from my house in Norcross, but I had meetings in Marietta all day. I took all interstate there...no big deal...traffic wasn't bad, though, to be fair, it was 9AM when I left my house.

On the way back I wanted to see if the mileage was different taking a different route and if the time it took to drive the other way was any different. You always need to find all the best routes....just in case you need them.

Well, after what I went through getting home I will not be driving that route either way. EVER.

I took GA 400. For those of you who have an inkling about Atlanta roads (TJ I know YOU KNOW!) then you know 400 is generally a parking lot during rush hour.

But the thing that really chaps my cheeks is that I left about 3pm to drive home. I figured 30 to 40 minutes tops. Traffic shouldn't be horrendous at this time of the day.

I was completely deluding myself.

I hit 400 and things were going smoothly for about 5 minutes, until there was an accident a couple of miles ahead of me and, of course, it wouldn't be Atlanta without construction to clog up the works!

Talk about a kick with cleats to the cooter!

I got so frustrated I got off 2 exits early and took several side roads all the way home. NO fun.

It took me over an hour to drive 30 miles home. It was shorter, but WAY longer. Go figure.

Atlanta traffic is like:
A herpe on my puni,
A hemi on my sphincter,
A boil on my taint,
All at the same time!


I may be forced to start doin' a lil' 420 just to keep from killing some oozing canker sore of an anus with my vomitous spew of road rage, as well as to suppress the undeniably strong urge to gnaw their genitals from their bodies with my back teeth.

There is no MARTA (Atlanta's rail transit system) in the county where I live. That's okay with me, though it might make my life an assload easier. The exception to this would be when it rains, or when it's colder than a WT in a BB, simply because I would end up trekking from the MARTA station to my job, or jumping on a bus to complete my journey. In the end I would still have to walk a short distance which would suck because I drag my laptop and various other things with me every day. It's just not practical.

The reason MARTA is not OTP (Outside The Perimeter) in my county is because the people who live in it do not want the MARTA. They believe it will deter crime by eliminating the only transportation some criminals may have to get out here. I guess they think that the only crime in Atlanta occurs ITP (Inside The Perimeter). Keeping MARTA out may keep SOME of the crime out, but this IS a city and crime is EVERYWHERE. You can't escape it...it's just there. People are desperate. What else is new?

As for future technology making my commute easier, I don't know if I can wait for flying cars.

My dad once told me that when he graduated from highschool in 1965 that people believed that by 1990 there WOULD be FLYING CARS. People really believed this. Whoa. How disappointed must they be, huh?

I can't imagine flying cars, or anything similar, ever being available in my lifetime. Or, if they ever are, I will surely be a super, duper, old biatch laying in my own urine and feces, with festering bedsores at some nasty ass rest home. I will have no teeth, no hair, won't be able to see, smell, hear, or taste (MMM, sounds like a kickin' life!).

Yep, flying cars won't happen while I desperately need them.

Damn.

Until then, I guess I will continue to contribute fluorocarbon to the atmosphere and sit in this unGodly, Atlanta traffic.

Pray I don't lose my fuckin' sanity before I retire. Pray HARD and pray A LOT.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home