Day From Hell, Party Of One

It started off like any other day. I had to start screaming at Peabody to get his rear in gear and get out of bed for school after attempting to get him up about 5 or 6 times. No dice. The kid was up most of the night and said, "I couldn't sleep Mom, I've only been asleep for an hour!" Tuff titty.

Unfortunately, I am to blame for this one, putting a t.v. in his room years ago, spoiling him and forever fucking up his sleep patterns. But now, I'm yankin' it!

My son is bigger than me. Physically moving him into the shower or physically forcing him into his clothes is an impossible feat. One I cannot perform without having a hot flash and probably breaking a few bones (mine AND his). I don't even try to do this anymore as it is an exercise in futility. Needless to say, the kid did not get up. He asked if he could sleep a couple of hours and go in late. Since I didn't have to be in the office until around 10:30 I said, "Fine, but no more late starts."

I'm a serious fuck-up for that one as you'll see during the progression of my morning.

So, it's early, 5:50 AM, and since I don't have to be at work for a while, I decide to catch a few Z's before getting ready for work. It was a lovely snooze for all intents and purposes and I needed it.

I get up at 8:30 AM and head for the shower after checking my blog comments (PRIORITIES YA KNOW!). I piddle around the house a little here and there and then I get a call. It's one of the account managers at work and she NEEDS me on a conference call to explain an implementation plan I have developed for a customer.

Me: "MS, can't it wait until later, I've got something going on this morning"
MSC: "No, it can't, he needs some answers on something and he's expecting our call"
(Thanks MSC for promising my time without checking with me first...Snatch)

So, I jump on the phone with this customer who is quite demanding, as well as he is having telephone trouble and we lose him several times so we then have to jump on a conference bridge to complete the call. Good Lord, it's getting late and I NEED to dry my hair which has been sitting in a towel for a half hour already! SCARY! I have an internal job interview at 11AM and it's a 25-30 minute drive in good traffic. I have a bad feeling!

10AM, we FINALLY get of the fucking phone. I'm livid with MSC for her timing and promising my time without consulting me on my schedule first. She knows she's supposed to, but apparently her time is more valuable than mine. Guess that's why she makes the big bucks...Whorebag.

I dry may hair and get makeup on in a record 15 minutes, throw my clothes on and get my laptop, lunch and purse...wait, I got Jack up before the call. Is he up and ready to go? It's 10:20...I have a bad feeling. I check his room, he's snoozin' like a baby.

This is where I freak out. I yelled very loudly "YOU'RE GROUNDED!!" "YOU'VE SCREWED YOURSELF!!" I guess the Lupron therapy I'm on (causing temporary menopause) chose that moment to spring into action giving me one hellatious attitude adjustment. It was almost painful if you can imagine. I'm sweating and my blood is boiling and I'm literally seeing RED. Freaky!

So, I slam out of the house and jump into my car at 10:30, knowing I may be late and freaking out about it. What kind of impression does a manager get when she's waiting and waiting for you to show up for an interview? Yah...not a good one.

I am in the slowest fucking traffic imaginable and it's not even rush hour! I'm not sitting in a sea of cars or anything, but EVERYONE is driving like grandpa on Sunday. Good GAWD people! Get the fucking lead out! I'm trying to make an interview here!!!

Believe it or not, I made it with about 7 minutes to spare, but not after I realized that, after parking perfectly in a space, the asshat next to me had chosen to park on the line. I had to squeeze my fat ass out of my door and between our two cars, getting lovely road dust from our cars on my black suit. FABULOUS...my day is going SO WELL! I'm ECSTATIC!

I manage to dust myself off while walking into the office and I make my way to her desk. I have minutes to spare! I'm breathing a sigh of relief and trying to calm my frantically beating heart. Whew!

The interview went fine. Nothing remarkable to say. I think I impressed her with my knowledge of sales and marketing (thank you education) even though I have not worked too much in either field. I know the principles...I just haven't had much of an opportunity to apply them. No biggee though, I've been working in a sales support role for 3 years assisting in large scale sales. I'm brought in to assist in closings because I can answer questions to seal the deal. I explain this...seems to be a good answer. I amazingly had an answer for any shortcomings she perceived. I hope that's a good thing. My reputation at the company is stellar so I'm sort of banking on it assisting me.

I make it back to my desk and I'm fucking busier than a whore on payday. The merger my company just went through has made everyone's work load double. I'm not kidding. It started on January 2nd and hasn't let up...not for a minute. It's extremely tiring. By 4:15, I wasn't eager to fight traffic so I packed up and headed home before traffic started parking along the roadways. I get home and my Blackberry buzzes, alerting me of a new email, and of course the customer from this morning's conference call needs a huge report ASAP and it's 4:55PM. Fucktard. He can't wait till first thing in the morning when I get to the office at 8AM. I don't know why since it's the end of the day and I doubt very much he'll be able to give it the attention it deserves considering the size and scope of the report he wants. Dicklick. I have to nip his constant attempt to control my time in the bud...Fuckwad.

I booted up and started working on it. I had the report, just needed to finesse it. No problem, but I was planning on heading to the gym before traffic really got messy. No dice. I was stuck there trying to send this bitch of a report to the Dicklick. It was a huge file and was taking a long time sending, even over my broadband connection. Fuck...I was getting pissed. What else is new?

I was so busy the minute I walked in the door that I failed to notice that Phoebe had crapped on the floor. Checking with Peabody I find out that he hasn't left his room all day (he slept, go figure) and never once took the poor dog out to do her thing. Did he expect her teeny, tiny bladder and turd purse were going to just put themselves on hold? I imagined her crossing her little legs and squeezing her sphincter several times during the day and cursing the day she was ever brought to our home. Little dickhead. I was ready to do battle, but I didn't have time. So I just reminded him that he was grounded and it was getting longer by the minute as he continued fucking up (not in those words).

He got up and took Phoebe out.

I worked, and worked. Screw dinner, I'm too tired. Peabody is 15, he can fend for himself.

Thank God for TiVo...I can relax and watch my soap. But the phone rings a gazillion times and makes it suck.

So I decide to do SuDoku for a while...a while turned into most of the night (except for when I watched Lost), then my vision blurred. Had to sleep, it was 11:45PM. Where the hell had the evening gone???

It's 3:59AM. Got up to pee..couldn't go back to sleep. Thought I would bitch about my day.

So, how was yours?