Turd soup anyone?

I know many of us are dog lovers, I'm no exception. I have a sweet little Jack Russell Terrier named Phoebe. She doesn't bark, which I know is an anomaly for little dogs. I don't know why she doesn't, but she doesn't. Hey I am SO not complaining here!

Phoebe, being small, needs to go outside about 3 times a day. I make sure I take her out as soon as my feet hit the floor in the morning, no matter how crusted shut my eyes are. Now, being that it is winter, it's fucking freezing in the wee hours of the morning. We go out before the sun rears it's head so I'm bundled up like an Eskimo. You're probably laughing at me because, if you have read my profile, you know I live in the South. Yes, I know it's supposed to be warmer in the South, but not with fucking Arctic cold fronts coming through ALL THE FUCKING TIME. It's generally in the low 30's when I take Phoebe out so my tits are in a perpetual state of T.H.O. and my ears and nose are becoming hypothermic.

This morning was no exception. Except, when I got up, Phoebe had left me a lovely little present by the back door. Apparently I slept a couple minutes longer than she wanted to wait, my punishment for actually sleeping at night...bad dog owner! So, we went out and she wanted to run and sniff every place possible. Who knows? There might have been some unknown dog pissing in our grass or even taking a dump the day before. That's worth the sniff! In Phoebe's mind I think she was thinking "I wonder what they're eating...their shit is so aromatic!" If I were a dog I suppose another dog's smelly shit would be heaven. At least Phoebe thought so...she dug under some pine straw and found something that appealed to her senses and her appetite. Another dog's huge dog turd! Oh JOY!

Needless to say I'm fighting her mouth open to make her spit this lump of crap out and she's fighting me back. I finally got her to drop the fragrant feces, or so I thought. She was chewing on something at the back of her throat! OH NO!!! It was SOOOO gross!

Nothing I could do about it. I just decided that I wouldn't be letting her breath her shit breath in my face.

Now, I was so grossed out and somewhat pissed in the early morning dawn. I dragged her tiny ass back to the house and went inside where I gave her water. Then I proceeded to unload the dishwasher. As I stepped back to close it I stepped in something and almost tripped over Phoebe. What do you know...she threw up shit. Imagine how lovely it is coming out from the other direction! It was a lovely shit brown soup with lumps of dog turd.

Are you now as hungry as I'm not?
Oh, being a dog owner is SO rewarding at times!

Why DO dogs like to eat other dogs' crap? They like to sniff other dogs butts, we know this, but are they just sniffing to see if they can then go out and identify their next meal, waiting patiently on the ground to be gobbled up? What if we, as humans, had to do this to find our next meal? How vile would that be. We might end up being the ones vomiting shit soup, complete with turd fragments.

I think I'd rather die of starvation.