Ms. M:

Running With Scissors

December 14, 2005

God is definitely NOT a woman

I'm having the holiday season from hell...God is definitely not a woman.

  • My bod is falling apart...
  • My hair is falling out, but I'm growng hair in unacceptable places!
  • My doc put me in temporary menopause...that beotch!
  • My dog never wants to come in from a walk in this fucking cold ass weather...
  • My boyfriend won't be here for Christmas...NO SEX!
  • My ass is getting bigger...
  • My boobs are drooping more...
  • My nose won't quit running...
  • I can't get rid of a fucking annoying headache...(an actual headache, not my boyfriend or my kid)

And last, but not least....

  • My job sucks

Now I don't mean to be a whiney bitch, but lets face it, that's exactly what I'm being right now. But I have a fucking right to be, after all I AM in fake, temporary menopause you fuckers! Life is a bitch and, for now, so am I so deal with it!!

It's cold as fucking hell right now. I live in the South for fuck's sake, it's not supposed to get this fucking cold! To ease your mind, NO, I'm not a redneck. I'm from Illinios originally where it's even fucking colder (suckers!). I'm happy to be living in a warmer climate, but I loathe those damn arctic cold fronts. Why the hell do I have to live in a state that is the recipient of such nipple hardening temperatures? I have constant T.H.O. and it's goddamned embarrassing if you have big tits like I do. I probably scare everyone at my office or freak out the 15 year old friends of my son when they come to my house. Poor kids, how will they ever recover???

One of the worst things is that I haven't even begun shopping yet. That's probably because I'm broke like I find myself EVERY FUCKING CHRISTMAS. My extended family keeps getting bigger and makes it more and more difficult to be able to present my son with the OH so expensive gifts he wants each year. Why does everything have to be so expensive and why do kids think they have to have THE most expensive stuff out there? Spoiled...they are fucking spoiled and we, as parents, help them get this way, but not as much as grandparents do. I say we put these kids to work and make them present US, as parents, with the gifts that we want! I'd like a stripper pole in my bedroom please!

Why does this fucking holiday season have to be so exhausting!? Because commercialism makes it that way. With technology allowing us to be able to shop online WAY TOO FUCKING many people are STILL shopping at malls and shops. I hate this because:

  1. they arrive when the doors open and the place stays full till closing time.
  2. Always, always, ALWAYS there are cars jamming up the roads with people trying to get to the malls, get home from the malls, get from one mall to a-fucking-nother!

Son of a BITCH! I can't even go to the damn grocery store for tampons without it taking a fucking hour or more just to get there! To all you shoppers who aren't being smart and utilizing online shopping portals...

GO FUCK YOURSELVES YOU SELFISH BASTARDS!

HAVE SOME FUCKING SYMPATHY FOR THE REST OF THE PEOPLE ON THE ROAD JUST TRYING TO GET TO WORK OR TRYING TO GET LITTLE COTTON PLUGS TO PUT IN THEIR BLEEDING VAGINAS!

(Sorry, that last line was somewhat graphic)

Now I know some of you won't have the opportunity to do your shopping online so you're exempt from the sentiments of my rant.

So, my usual sentiments apply. Have a nice fucking day my friends. I love you all...Merry F'ing Chrismas and Fuck you very much!

6 Comments:

At 12/14/2005 9:30 PM , Blogger Kelly said...

Marn! Hitting the Lupron pretty heavy are we?? LOL

Tell your Doc to give you something else! You're outta' control! LOL

 
At 12/15/2005 12:21 PM , Blogger Ms. M said...

Damn, I do sound pretty bad huh? Guess I should take a chill pill! What makes things worse is that we had an ice storm last night. LOVELY. Phoebe won't walk in the frozen grass when I take her out. FUN! Thank goodness it's starting to melt, I didn't have power ALL fucking morning..it finally came back on at noon.

 
At 12/16/2005 4:07 PM , Blogger Ms. M said...

Atlanta traffic is a bitch that should die of gonnorhea. Boy do I sound evil! I'm not, I just enjoy being a potty mouth!

 
At 12/18/2005 6:41 AM , Blogger Ms. M said...

Oh I have my moments, but I'm not homocidal...yet. My blog is my way of venting my frustrations so I don't piss off anyone and myself become a homocide victim. I'm sure many would like to shut me up forever with poison pop-tarts or Drain-o spiked diet Coke.

 
At 12/19/2005 12:00 PM , Blogger Maven said...

Merry Douchemas!

PS: www.drugstore.com

 
At 12/19/2005 12:27 PM , Blogger Ms. M said...

I don't know why I never thought of that. You're my hero!

 

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home