Ms. M:

Running With Scissors

July 19, 2006

Plop, Plop, Piss, Piss

I sneezed and pissed myself while cooking on the grill tonight.

I love it when such occurrences strike while I can't do anything about it because I'm the only one to man the grill!

The Mr. is out of town on business so I'm holding down the fort. The kid is having a friend spend the night and I was cooking burgers for them. Thank gawd I was on the back deck, no one saw. It was just a few drops of piddle! Whew!

Have you ever just pissed your pants completely and totally?

I've only done it once, during waking hours, that I can remember.

I was at Girl Scout camp. We slept in these tents up on wooden platforms. I had to pee so bad and it was pitch black outside and no one in my tent would go with me to the johnette...bitches. So, I was dying and I just couldn't hold it anymore. I just let the piss run freely down my legs and onto the floor. My girlfriends were horrified, but given they be in my place I would have done the decent thing and gone with them...again...say it with me....BITCHES.

Kids are cruel and selfish. Whatdya do?

I think my problem these days is I need to do kegel exercises. I don't think I've really done them since I was prego 16, almost 17, years ago. Makes everything tighter and stronger in the poonani region. All I know is it makes the baby makin' better for both partners. At least the Mr. likes it. Does moaning while exhaling during sex mean you like it if you're a guy? Of a surety!

Kegels ladies. Gotta keep doing them, not just for gettin' it on though. I'm not old yet, by ANY means, but the older we get, and the fact that we ladies (most of us) have children in our lifetime means we could easily piss our pants when we sneeze, cough, or laugh too hard. YIKES!

I would fucking hate it if that happened to me at work. I usually go commando so it would suck royally if I didn't have some barrier between me and my Calvin's.

Not only did I piss myself while grilling tonight, I almost shite myself at my training class today! I was 50 miles from home so that would have sucked even more royally. I had the lovely thin dirties and I had to hot foot it to the shitter to keep from losin' my sanity! Not sure where the shits came from, but they sure chose a "shitty" time to come forth and prosper. Fucking shit.

You always pray no one else comes into the ladies while you're losing your internal organs. It's a bitch. Guys don't seem to worry about that kind of stuff. Women, we're mortified to pass gas let alone drop a bomb in the ladies. Good GAWD!

So, at least I won't ever be using that ladies room again. I'm done training so I am back at my office tomorrow.

Yippee.....

15 Comments:

At 7/20/2006 8:45 AM , Blogger Speckledpup said...

yes,
yes
yes
yes
yes

exactly.

 
At 7/20/2006 12:02 PM , Blogger Ms. M said...

Remy, What is wrongg with teachers? When you're a kid you can't hold it very long and it can hit you like a ton of bricks. Too bad you didn't tell your parents. Why are teachers such witches to grade school kids?

speckledpup, I feel validated now. I'm not alone...whew!

 
At 7/20/2006 1:26 PM , Blogger Webmiztris said...

I shit my pants one time. I was so fucking embarassed, and there wasn't even anyone AROUND, thank fucking GAWD. lol

 
At 7/20/2006 3:24 PM , Blogger Deb said...

I had to read your first sentence 5 times to fully believe it! haha! Oh LAWD! I have pee'd while laughing way too hard. I believe it was because CP was in front of me drinking martinis and she caught her shirt on fire....ask her about it. It's hysterical. CP makes me pee!

 
At 7/20/2006 3:30 PM , Blogger Ms. M said...

webmiztris, Believe it or not, I have accidentally farted and shit a lil' bit. I was alone too THANK GAWD! I mean, I surely not gonna bust a stink bomb at work or around anyone if I can help it!

~Deb, CP would make me pee too I think! I gotta meet the Princess!!!

 
At 7/20/2006 8:27 PM , Blogger Nihilistic said...

I've shit myself but never peed. Shitting is far worse I think though! Especially at work! OH GEEZ...

 
At 7/21/2006 1:42 AM , Blogger DogMa said...

I have done it both.
Shit myself puking up jungle juice & pissed myself from coughing after a fatty bong hit back in the day...good times.

Dropping bombs in public though, I got no problemo there. I can birth a brown baby boy anywhere, anytime.

Oh and the hot farts, they are called Sharts. (Along Came Polly)

 
At 7/21/2006 5:28 AM , Blogger Ms. M said...

Nihilistic, I think women have more of a problem with the pissing the pants thing...it's a bitch baby!

Dogma, Why can't I remember "sharts?" It sucks to get old, you CRS (Can't Remember Shit), plus you get the shits and piss your pants when you least expect it. Too bad Dr. Kevorkian is in jail! Who wants to get old with so much ICK in your future??

 
At 7/21/2006 3:48 PM , Blogger Maven said...

I'll do ya one better... I've done:

1. Sneezed and pissed
2. Sneezed and farted
3. Sneezed and shitted
4. Shit when I thought I farted
5. Hiccupped and farted
6. Sneezed and thrown my back out
7. Coughed and vomitted
8. Farted while having someone dine at the "Y"

 
At 7/21/2006 7:51 PM , Blogger High Power Rocketry said...

Hehe this page is insane but I love it!

Sharted...

 
At 7/22/2006 10:13 AM , Blogger Ms. M said...

Maven! I have done all of that too! What is the deal with our bodies?????

alex, I humbly thank you for your patronage...Come back and visit!!!

 
At 7/23/2006 8:38 AM , Blogger Suze said...

LMAO, I love toilet humour. I once sneezed at a party and did exactly the same thing.

Problem was I had pale trousers on and I got a little tell tale patch. Fortunately we were at a BBQ and it was quite hot so I soon dried out.

It was pelvic floor exercises for me after that. :D

 
At 7/24/2006 5:14 AM , Blogger Ms. M said...

suze, those exercises really help! I'm working them as I type! Hehe!

Mr.F, It sucks to be a woman, but you learn to deal. I DO go commando at work. I go about 99.9% of the time unless it's Aunt Flow's time to visit. I don't know if I'm unique. I highly doubt it. It's oddly freeing. Me likey!

 
At 7/24/2006 8:48 AM , Blogger Cricky said...

you know, I have always been so freaking embarrased of having to shit at work, until I went in there last week and one of my gorgeous, smart, co workers was dropping the kids at the pool....and then had the nerve to try to talk to me while I was trying to pee.

I pee'd myself on my 21st birthday...walking to the car from the last bar we went too.

Everyone in my family knows that story and decides to re-live it everytime I find a new boyfriend....maybenow that i am married, that story will die....

 
At 7/24/2006 12:10 PM , Blogger Ms. M said...

Peg, I'll pray that the story dies a horrible death and is never spoken of again!

 

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home