Ms. M:

A year has passed....

2007-12-14T15:44:00.000-05:00

I can't believe it's been a whole year since I've posted anything on my blog. How lame am I? Well,...very I guess.

So much has happened this past year. I've been hospitalized a couple of times and had a surgery. I changed jobs and my boyfriend took a job out of state so I'm lonely. So is he. Life's a bitch...whatdya do?

One of my buds, a blogger herself, has been sending me the links to the grossest things I've ever seen. OMG. I'll never eat again.

But, I must apologize for to those of you who used to read my blog on a regular basis. I'm afraid I fell off the internet for awhile. I've been a busy little bee and have just had no time! I have some good posts coming up but I need some time to compose them and I have a few uploads that are going to be good as well.

So, if you have been coming here for the last year and have not seen anything from me, be patient a few days more. Things are going to change...

I'm back....for now.

Stay tuned....

Top 10 reasons to hate my job

2006-12-08T17:06:00.000-05:00

It's a job isn't it?
Not enough people to do the mountains of work.
Training is one of my thousands of responsibilities, but who will train me??
Time? Where can I find it? There is no time to even use the restroom!
Stress from HELL.
I need surgery and I keep pushing it out because I am so 'needed' at work, my absense might make this place crumble.
Evil beotch or two that seem to think the place would fall apart without them. WHATEVER.
I have to drive 50 miles both way to and from work! Not so sure it's worth it.
There is no stability in my daily routine, it changes as often as I blink my frickin' eyes!
I'm WAY, WAY, WAY, WAY, WAY underpaid at the moment. Negotiating a raise will probably get me laughed at.

Playstation III, The Silent Killer

2006-11-17T09:57:00.000-05:00

What is the world coming to?

People rioting or getting shot just trying to buy a freaking Playstation 3. I refuse to spend $500+ to get one. It would just give my kid even more of an excuse to never leave the house.

I find it hard to believe that people are waiting in line for days to get one of these things. Unfortunately it shows the level of materialism that this country has sunk to. We are all about "things." I hate to admit that I love my things too and I would love to have some new things, but I just can't justify spending large amounts of money on gadgets that will take my attention (or my son's) away from those I care about and my priorities. It's nuts.

Don't get me wrong, escaping from reality for a while is nice, but not at the expense of your real life.

I came across this little news report this morning on Yahoo.

1 shot in Conn. Playstation waiting line

PUTNAM, Conn. - Two armed thugs tried to rob a line of people waiting
to buy the new Playstation 3 gaming console early Friday and shot one who
refused to give up the money, authorities said.

The two confronted 15 to 20 people who were in line outside a Wal-Mart
store shortly after 3 a.m. and demanded money, said Lt. J. Paul Vance, a
spokesman for the state police. The new Sony consoles are selling for around
$500 to $600.

"One of the patrons resisted. That patron was shot," Vance said.

Crazy shit, huh?

Do any of you watch South Park? There was recently a two-part episode where Eric Cartman was going insane waiting for the Nintendo Wii (wee). He can't stand that he has to wait until mid November to get this new gaming system so he has his friend "Butters" help bury him in the snow in the mountains, freezing himself until the day they come out so he won't be forced to endure the agony of waiting and anticipation for this stupid gaming console. Butters is supposed to dig him up and thaw him out on the day they come out. Unfortunately for Cartman, an avalanche occurs, burying him for 500 years.

Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the creators and writers of South Park, obviously see this freakish obsession with gaming consoles the same way I do. It's fucked up. If it wasn't, those two would certainly not poke fun at the issue.

The Nintendo Wii doesn't come out until November 19th. I'm sure there are folks standing in line at Best Buy or Wal-Mart right now, waiting to get theirs. Meanwhile, our troops are getting killed in Iraq, we have a moron for a president, Madonna is adopting African children and global warming is killing off the coral in the Great Barrier Reef.

Ok, the Madonna thing isn't such a travesty. My bad.

What are your thoughts on the craziness these stupid, fucking game consoles are causing? What are your thoughts on the ridiculous rioting and robberies occurring in the lines of those waiting to purchase these over-priced, soon to be obsolete, boxes of wires and circuits?

Come on...tell me.

Freud would have a field day with me...

2006-11-06T14:37:00.000-05:00

I'm sending my kid to a shrink.

He's 16 years old and he's decided he doesn't HAVE to go to school anymore legally. So he sleeps all day and plays his guitar all night. Nothing I say or do seems to be fixing the sitch so I'm praying that this head shrinker can help!

Anyone else out there have issues with their boys at this age? DAMN! he's wearing this bitch out! I try to be understanding, but the kid thinks he's going to be a rock star. Seriously. He figures he doesn't need an education. But he has graciously agreed to get his GED. Wow.

His new therapist gave me a homework assignment. Write my son's life story. But he wanted it in 3 to 4 pages. I couldn't shrink it any smaller than 6. I even kept cutting things out, but there are things he needs to know. He wants a good picture of my son so I tried to give it to him. But, in order to give a good picture he needs to know the background of some things. The preface, if you will. I also have to get his records from his previous therapist & psychiatrist. Haven't had a chance to do that yet so he might get slightly peeved at a bitch for not being able to follow through completely!

All I can say is that I can't wait for Friday. Me and D are heading to West Palm Beach for an extended weekend getaway! This is much needed, believe me! I have been working my fat ass off (wish that it really worked to remove fat from my huge bootie!) and my weekends are busy as Hell doing everything I don't get done during the week so I'm fried like a egg! I'm SOOO looking forward to rest. I need it, deserve it, crave it, desire it. I won't get another break until probably late spring or summer of next year. As it is, I'm not even taking a week off, just a Friday & Monday around a weekend so I don't miss too much. I guarantee that even while I'm on vacation I will be getting phone calls and emails from work needing my assistance. It sucks to be the one to make everything happen. You never get a break.

Strange how my job seems to be 24/7. I thought only motherhood was supposed to be that way. Maybe I'm the one who should be in therapy!!!

Whatdya Mean You Need More Pancake (tits)?

2006-10-10T04:53:00.000-05:00

Well, I have to have another mammogram. Only on the left side. Turns out I have a suspicious lump that they need to further scrutinize. Just what I need. More issues, more health trouble.

It could be nothing, probably just a lymph node, but they have to check it out again to get a better view of what is really going on.

It sucks that the docs and nurses can scare people like this when it could be absolutely nothing.

They told me I needed to get back in ASAP for another mammogram, take the next available appointment. So, I made one, but the earliest I could get in is the 16th (next Monday). My boss, MSC, wants me to move this appointment to the end of that week or even later and do it in the afternoon instead of the morning. Unfortunately, the follow-ups are only done between 9:30 and 10:30 on specific mornings of the week so they can be distinguished between other appointments for screening. Too bad, so sad MSC.

I am surprised that she even asked me to do such a thing knowing that, for some odd reason, I've had one health crisis after another lately. I just want to be healthy goddammit!

Why am I always getting shitty news from doctors?

I have been giving my health a lot of thought lately. I'm only 36, but I didn't start getting diagnosed with "stuff" until I turned 30. It's almost like a magic switch was flipped and now my disease DNA came into play. I don't get it. Why couldn't all this crap have waited until I was in my 50's or 60's like everyone elses shit does? Well, most everyone. I guess I'm just one unlucky bitch healthwise.

Oh well.

To assist in my health, I've enlisted the help of a Super Diet, a 3 day diet that, combined with 4 days of moderate eating can cause up to 10 lbs of weight loss. I started it last week and lost 5 lbs. I was thrilled that it worked so well! So, I got D to do it with me. The lunches are pretty small so I'm sure he's gonna hate this diet, but if he sees results I bet he jumps on the bandwagon and kicks it into high gear.

Speaking of high gear, we walked last night and I discovered just how shitty of shape I'm really in! Cardio? I hate it. I loathe it. I DESPISE it! I'll live. I told him we have to ramp up to the really fast paced stuff. We jumped right into hills and my calves hurt today.

We went to our county's Fair & Festival on Saturday and rode this ride call the Moon Rocket. It's a circle that is really more of a small roller coaster. It starts you off where you go a quarter of the way up, then back, then half way round, then back, then all the way around several times. The problem is that there is hang time when you're at the top, hanging upside down. It's not so comfy to have that pressure on you. Plus, I held on so tight my biceps almost cramped up and now they kind of hurt. No use will do that I guess. After riding that ride first we didn't ride any more rough rides. Fun as it was, we stuck to the ferris wheel and the buckets that transport you above the fair from one end to the other.

I discovered I don't do so good with heights. I feel very vulnerable. What is up with getting old? I used to be fearless! Now I guess my own mortality has hit me and I'm afraid that I could die doing just about everything. Not such a good way to be I'd say.

I'm a fucking fraidy cat!

DAMN!

2006-10-05T17:22:00.000-05:00

I took my son to his annual Shriner's appointment today. We had a 7AM appointment in Greenville, SC (2 hour drive from ATL) and normally I would get up and drive it in the morning, but my normal appointments are usually 9AM. I wasn't about to get my ass out of bed at 4AM to drive 2 hours or so to Greenville! So we drove up last night and stayed in a hotel.

My son has been a Shriner patient since he was seven. He's got a leg length discrepancy which we've been seeing Shriner doctors for since 1997. He had surgery to stop the growth of the longer leg at the growth plate below the knee when he was 13 in 2003. We just go for follow-ups annually now to see if the surgery did its job.

IT DID!!!

Today we got the news that instead of the expected 4 cm difference between the tibias/fibulas if we hadn't done surgery, he now only has a 1 mm difference! I am WAY excited by this. He's worn lifts in his shoes for years, but after this surgery and his pubescent growth spurt he's got near identical length legs. It's AMAZING! I just didn't think I'd ever see his legs be the same length.

To be fair, he still has a little bit of deformity in his left leg. He was a 10 lb baby when he was born and I'm not a very big person to be delivering a 10 lb baby! So, he got so crowded in utero that his left leg started to curve with the wall of the uterus as he kept getting bigger. So his knee was contorted and his leg curved to a near 45 degree angle at birth, plus his left foot would flip up so the top of the foot would hit his knee. It was freaky!

He's grown out of it so much. His bones are straight and his foot is normal, the knee is still a tad contorted looking, but you hardly notice it unless you are looking for it.

So, I'm happy. Mark it on your calenders people.

In a related story, we stopped at Hooter's for dinner last night on our way up to Greenville. We pass this fucking Hooter's every time we drive to Greenville, and every time we do, since the kid was 7, he has asked to stop and eat there, and I always have said no. Of course he eventually admitted it was to SEE the hooters on the servers. I knew this all along of course, but the BF convinced me that I was being ridiculous for not taking him there. I just thought it would look tacky for a mother to take her small child there (he's not so small anymore!). But, D says that he has seen families eating there so I decided I WAS being ridiculous for not taking him there. It wasn't to protect him so much as that I generally did not care to eat the greasy food and be waited on by some chick in orange hot pants.

I was right, the food was so greasy that my gut was churning all night. I had a lovely night's sleep on a shitty mattress in a crappy hotel close to the hospital. Jack enjoyed checking out the teeny, tiny girls in teeny, tiny orange shorts and tight white tank tops. I've never seen such small girls in my life! I was under the impression that bodies so small were on children, not women. Perhaps these chicks really were children with stuffed bras and Hooter's uses slave labor???

Hoooo knows?

Sorry for the play on words...

Don't you think it's time for Hooter's to change their frickin' uniforms for their servers? I mean, these shorts look so Disco. Plus, it was freezing in there, I'm sure to assist the servers in receiving better tips from their male customers. But, give the chicks some sleeves for fuck's sake! CHEESIS H KROIST! Frigid temps were enough to make me want to eat and run! Too fuckin' cold in that joint!

So how has your week been? Seen any hooters lately? I think I missed Free Booby Tuesday on Billy's sight. I've been busy as a one armed paper hanger.

A textbook definition of cowardice

2006-09-25T20:29:00.000-05:00

A textbook definition of cowardice - Countdown with Keith Olbermann - MSNBC.com

Keith Olbermann hit this one right on the head.

Fox News needs to be shut down by the FCC. They call themselves a news channel. They're more like hate mongering, witch hunting, extreme right wing conservative loving, Bush ass licking, fuckwads. Rupert Murdock should die of gonnorhea and rott in hell for this unbelievably GOP loving station he's created. Whatever happened to truth in journalism? Whatever happened to "fair and balanced" as they claim to be?

GWB has them doing his dirty work. Rewriting history with a bunch of bullshit he serves up steaming hot.

Shame on you Fox News.

You don't report news, you INVENT it.

Lonely Weekend for Me

2006-09-23T13:00:00.000-05:00

I'm all alone this weekend.

My son went to a friend's house to spend the weekend. It's his friend's 16th birthday and since we live so damn far from everyone now it's just easier to let him stay there for the weekend, at their invitation, than for me to go pick him up every day of the weekend. It's about a 65 mile round trip. Sucks living in a spread out city like ATL.

The man, D, flew to Tuscon Thursday to his parents' house. He was surprising them, as they were driving down to Mexico for a long weekend. His mother had expressed that she wanted us to go, but since I have no one to come up to BFE to stay with Jack to make sure he gets up and goes to school and doesn't smoke up the house with ganja, plus the fact that I just got out of the hospital a week ago, I am here. Yah, life can be a huge, syphalitic byotch.

So he's in Mexico with his parents and his sister and her husband. J, my son, is hanging with a bunch of his friends for the weekend. I'm now alone. Blogging. Listening to my iPod.

To be fair, I am going to dinner with one of my good friends tonight. We're going to see either the Black Dahlia or Hollywoodland, unless we make an impromptu decision to go see Jackass II. Um, that was a joke in case you weren't sure. I would rather put hot pokers up my rectum than watch that fucking ridiculous shit. Damn, would that hurt!

I have no idea where to go to eat. I'm always up for sushi, but my friend may decided she's not. She usually is, but the last time I wanted sushi she didn't. Hmmmm. It's a quandry. We'll figure it out I'm sure. But, I also have to be conscious of my diet since I just got out of the hospital. I'm supposed to eat lowfat to avoid getting pancreatitis again. Ok, no big deal. That's how I generally eat.

Except last night.

I went to Super Wally World and got one of their kick ass deli pizzas. It was less than $7 for a 16 inch pizza. Can't get that anwhere else. Plus those fucking pizzas are what dreams are made of. I kid you not. I reveled in that bitch last night. I ate 3 fucking peices of pepporoni pizza. So much for low-fat. This morning, for breakfast, I had 2 more. I am a gluttonous pig!

I think I need to go find some new clothes to wear to work now. Since it's now the 3rd day of fall I can say I've definitely noticed a slight chill in the air. It's getting down in the lower 60's at night so it's a tad chilly when I leave for work at 6:30 in the morning. I thought I might get some long sleeve button downs for work and maybe a couple of sweaters, plus a pair or two of new shoes. They are needed, trust me. I hate to buy clothes while I'm still a fucking stay-puffed marshmellow woman. It pisses me off, but I guess I should do something about it like NOT EAT FUCKING PIZZA BY MYSELF.

I'm a moron.

Even worse, tomorrow night my parents have invited me and the kid to their house for dinner. Meatloaf, potatoes and carrots. That is comfort food from hell to me. I love that stuff. My mom's meatloaf is so much better than any other I've ever had. I'm sure it's not lowfat by any stretch of the imagination. But, it's so good! The flavor of that fucking meatloaf almost makes me cream my panties. I do not lie about that. In fact, just typing this I am imagining that damn meatloaf and I think I feel a tad moist now. OOOH!

Ok, now I've had my O for the day, what are ya'll doing this weekend?

Mammogramajamma

2006-09-22T11:43:00.000-05:00

Nothing like a mammogram to start your weekend right.

I'd been told horror stories about it feeling like getting your funbags slammed in the freezer door, or some other cold and unforgiving, closing mechanism. I was prepared for horrendous pain, sweating, crying, possibly hemmorhaging, begging, fainting, vomiting, etc. The whole gamut of crap you go through when you have to have some sort of "medical procedure." Been there, done that.

But, surprise! It ain't as bad as I thought.

Giving birth? Now that fuckin' sucks as far as pain goes. I got lucky in that I had a C-section, but not until after I had been in 21 hours of exhaustive, screaming, beggin' for death, crying, wanting to be heavily drugged or given an epidural-but wasn't, labor. It's been said a thousand ways before, but labor pain, to me, feels like a bowling ball being rammed thru a drinking straw. Like I said, I was lucky, I didn't have to delivery thru the punani, but my 10 lb kid sure as hell was heading down the pike and I thought I'd never been in such pain or that I'd never be the same in "the region" when it was over.

You know. It's true, I've never been in such unbearable pain as I was in that 21 hours.

Anyway, the mammogram is like a mosquito bite by comparison.

It must be fucking dynamite to be a man and not have to experience that, though I do know a guy who had gynecomastia and had to have one.

To experience sex as a man, just once, is an unattainable fantasy I have. I just want to know how it differs by comparison. I have kick ass orgasms by Mr. D, but I will always be curious. I would also love to be able to write my name in the snow or be able to pee outside without squatting. Not that I make a habit of it or have even squatted within the last 15 years.

Another fantasy that will never come to fruition.

They should do mammograms for penises. Call them Phallograms. There would be lots of men dying of penile cancer if that was the method for detecting it. No man would allow their penis to be put in a machine that would smash them flat.

Lucky bastards.

RRRRRRRRIP!! OOOH! OUCH!

2006-09-16T14:50:00.000-05:00

So my muthah got me a great new fleece robe while I was in the hospital. It's a light minty green, very plush and awesome!

The boyfriend has commandeered it. He looks lovely in it too.

Oh well.

Since I just recently got to start eating again, my sphincter got a reprieve from its "duties" for a few days. Unfortunately you would have thought I'd never taken a dump before. The first and second time I had to drop the kids off at the pool I swear I ripped myself a new one. And I didn't do a huge log people. It was nothing unusual. Both were competely NORMAL. I think my butt hymen just decided to grow back. Is that possible?

Human Pin Cushioin, At Your Service

2006-09-13T18:22:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting here at my computer while my son and my man watch the Simpsons. I'm hooked up to an IV in the hospital. Yup, the hospital. I came in here Monday night and I'm still here. I have been diagnosed with idiopathic pancreatitis. I had horrific pain in my upper gastric region that radiated to my back and I was vomiting. I haven't felt good for a few days, mostly just really tired, but that pain just waylaid me!

I've had blood work and an MRI, all of which revealed not much, just that my pancreatic enzymes were elevated. Tomorrow I have an endoscope to see if I might have an ulcer that could have eaten thru my stomach, irritating my pancreatic tissue. Sux.

So here I am. The pain meds are a derivative of morphine and they are seriously kickin my ass. All the nurses except one, think pushing the meds in fast is the the best way, but it kills me! God what pain! I feel it start at my neck and head, exhausting pain and pressure, that washes down my body. But the nurse last night administered it slowly so it wasn't nearly as bad. I bet CP would have plunged that medicine into my IV faster than the speed of light! Just kiddin' CP. I know you're a caring and gentle angel of mercy. I wish it were CP who was taking care of me. She wouldn't have taken four different tries at a new IV site at 4AM like my nurse and two others did. It sucked. While they were poking me a phlebotomist came in and took blood out of the arm the nurses weren't working on. That was fun. Pain from needle sticks in BOTH arms at the same time.

I'm a human pin cushion.

They wouldn't let me eat food, any food, until lunch today. I threw up Monday night's dinner, then didn't get to eat until noon today. It sucked big fat ones. The food is okay, I've obviously had better food, but as far as hospital food goes it's not bad. I got apply pie tonight. Cool.

I really want pizza, or a double cheeseburger and a vanilla milkshake. I wonder if I can get Mr. D to sneak in some Steak N Shake!

I doubt it.

I was on a new diet and now I've had to let it go for a bit. I think I'm gonna stick to Weight Watchers. I can eat what I want in small portions. And, if I'm making it I KNOW they'll taste good. I rock in the kitchen, hence my lard ass.

Damn, speaking of my ass, it hurts from sitting in this bed. I need to walk. Get up and take a stroll down the hall. I'd rather go home and get into my tempurpedic and relax!

Lucky me, the hospital has free WiFi so I'm able to surf the net and blog, instant message and what not. Yippee!

Well, I do have some pain, I think I'll stick around and get some pain meds. Time for loopiness!

Ahhhhhhhh.....

Waxing Random....and Exhausted

2006-09-11T09:17:00.000-05:00

I'm bummin'.

I'm low on funds between pay days (get paid in 2 weeks) after paying my bills. Mr. D asked me if getting my nails done was really a priority. To ME it IS a priority, however I know I have other expenses to worry about.

What sucks is, I haven't had my nails filled in for 4 weeks now. I was attempting to save money by not filling them in and just manicuring them myself. I didn't want to go farther than 4 weeks between fill-ins because that is just taking a risk of some serious injury if you're not careful, as well as possible fungus. Now they are way grown out so I've had to file them down, but they need some professional attention and I can't get them done! They are seriously scary right now too.

****

I almost fell asleep on the way to work today. I swear I haven't done that in a while! I was just so tired! It might have something to do with my taking a hydrocodone last night. My doc gave them to me for the bitch ass cramps I've been having. They always make me seriously drowsy so I take them later in the day or at night when I won't be leaving the house. I think the side effects have carried over into the next day. Damn! I need my tempurpedic!!!

****

Also high on the suck meter: I started a new diet today. the Fat Buster diet by Dr. Ian K. Smith of Celebrity Fit Club fame. It's a simple diet and I think it will work great, but it's a diet. DIET is a four letter word. It fucking sucks. But, I'm going to give this one the old college try and see if I can drop about 10 pounds within the next 9 days. It's no meat for 9 days, no coffee, no sodas-diet or otherwise, no starchy potatoes or white rice, or pasta. I can have any veggie and fruit, brown rice, yogurt and lowfat or fat free milk and herbal tea. That's about it. Oh, I can have Oatmeal too. Big frickin' woop.

I'll live....I think.

****

Ok, I said it once already, I'm sayin' it again.

I'M FRICKIN' EXHAUSTED!

I don't know if I'm going to make it through this day. I don't remember ever feeling this tired at work before. I'm seriously draggin' ass and having trouble focusing my vision. I'm not likin' that at all!

I drank some English Breakfast herbal tea with caffeine. Didn't seem to give me any jolt of energy. I ate a banana too and I'm just feeling so sluggish! Gee-awd!

Oh well. C'est la vie.

****

I got cut off this morning by some moron in an older model Chevy Blazer. If you'll remember I wrote that I almost fell asleep while driving to work this morning. Luckily I was awake at that moment during my drive. This fuckwad tried to get into my lane (the right turn lane) to get on the interstate. There was not enough room for him, but that didn't stop him. He didn't signal or anything, just almost caused my death as he merged illegally. Fucker. I ALWAYS use my turn signals, I ALWAYS head check, I ALWAYS make sure there is PLENTY of room for me to merge prior to doing so, because I do not want to cause an accident, and I certainly don't want to get ticketed for one.

Driving in ATL sucks. It's one of the worst cities for commutes in the country. In fact I think we're number four or five. The average commute is something like 40 minutes, but mine is 1:30 to 1:40 at the minimum. Of course I live 45 miles from the office too so I guess that might explain it. Unfortunately, my job is also not one that allows for telecommuting. I manage employees and the operations of my company so I have to be here to make sure my team are doing their jobs. Fun stuff. I love my job, just hate the commute.

****

I need a vacation.

Pancake Tits Returns

2006-09-08T11:59:00.000-05:00

I bet ya'll wanna whip me with a wet noodle, don'tcha?

Yah, I've been a bad, bad girl. I haven't blogged in over a month! Over 30 days! OUCH!

I have no excuse other than the fact that I've been one busy ass byotch! I'm away from home a minimum of 12 hours a day and at least 3 of those hours are spent driving to and from work. My job has just gotten really, really busy, so much so that I just don't even think about blogging!

Until today!

I decided it was time to get back on this puppy and see how my beloved bloggers are doing!

So, how are you?

I'm well, sort of, thanks.

Just got in from my annual cooter appointment. That was fun.

The first words my gyno said to me when I walked in is "you've gained some weight since last years visit."

Bitch!

Well, no fuckin' shit, of course I've gained weight. She put me on Lupron Depot to put me into temporary menopause, what did she expect?

Plus, I don't eat like a normal person. By that I mean, I only eat twice a day because that's when I have time. In fact, I only eat when my body reminds me that it has been hours upon hours since I last filled it with vital sustenance. I'm usually about to pass out from hunger by the time I eat. Consequently, I scarf down something that is quick and generally bad for me, and a I eat a ton of it because I feel positively starved!

Is that wrong?

Oh, I got my hair all cut off....short! It's very short and sticks out all over the back and sides, but is just a tad longer on the top. I haven't had my hair short in years. I forgot that wavy/curly hair doesn't look as good as you might want it to when it is cut short. But, I'm coping and managing to make it look pretty good with a shit load of products. My hair is a stiff as Mr. D's fatty when he's hot for Ms. M. That's pretty fucking stiff just in case you were thinking he might get limp dicked when I need a good bonin'. Tee hee.

Let's see...oh, I had a birthday a week ago today. I turned the ugly 3-6. And thanks to this grand old age resting upon my shoulders, my gyno qualified me for a fucking tit squashing mammogram. Yes, you read right. I'm getting my tits turned into pancakes for the sake of keeping them healthy and cancer-free. Unfortunately, the squashing of the boobies will probably make them sore as fuck and bruised as shit. So, how does that make it healthy I ask you??? I know it's a necessary evil, but I thought I would at least get to wait until I turned 40 for fuck's sake!

Lucky me.

Well, anyway. Besides a mammogram, I didn't expect anything for my birthday because I didn't mention that I wanted anything. Of course my loving son didn't get me anything...no surprise there. If I got him nothing for his birthday you can bet your sweet asses I'd hear about it in octaves that would break my fragile tympanic membranes.

But, Mr. D, the sneaky bastard, managed to get me a very nice gift that I definetly never expected. No, not a porn swing. No, not a double ended dildo. No, now get your minds out of the gutter. He got me a video Ipod. I was happy with that. I guess I had mentioned that I was going to get myself one often enough that he decided to shut me up with one. Cool. Great boyfriend huh? I mean, he fucking listend to me!! I almost keeled over from shock.

I almost got my kid the Nano for his birthday, but he kept fucking up so I just got him a $150 gift card to The Bass Pro Shop. He likes to fish, but he has yet to spend his birthday present. Hmmmm? It's a quandry. I think it's because he's so up his girlfriends ass (not literally I hope) that he doesn't have time for anything else.

Including schoolwork.

I put the kibash on the girlfriend thing for a while. He didn't work on a big project for Geography that he promised me he would finish and obviously never turned it in after I pushed him to finish it as the deadline approached. But his girlfriend was more important to please than me I guess, so I took away his cell phone and house phone priviledges, plus he's not going anywhere for a couple of weeks until his grades improve. Plus he gets to do yard work and other fun chores.

Hopefully, that'll teach him.

Yeah, right.

Hell Week Revisited.

2006-08-04T10:29:00.000-05:00

This past week I've been running around like the proverbial "chicken with it's head cut off." The week has been one very long day after another and they pretty much have been running into one another. Sleep is not happening as much as I would like. The good news is Mr D was quite frisky this morning so I got some much needed stress relief!! Hallelujah!

I've been working a lot. More than I want to. The problem is that school starts next Thursday and I've had no time to register my son for school. So, I took half a day vacation this morning to try to get it done. It's a long story, but I had to withdraw him from school at the end of last semester because he was failing everything and had missed so many days of school that his driver's permit had been suspended. I knew we were moving at that point as well so I need all of his information, all his records and his withdrawal paperwork. I went to the school twice to get this paperwork, but the registrar never had it ready for me and kept asking me to come back. Since May I've called the registrar several times only to be forced to leave a message. Guess what? Never a return call.

So, I took the morning off and headed toward his old school 40 miles away. About halfway there I get through to someone at the school.

Me: May I please speak with the Registrar?

Lady: They won't be back in the office until Monday.

Me: **blink**

Me: I'm sorry, did you say Monday?

Lady: Yes, they're out today.

Me: But school starts in a week, why wouldn't they be available for registering students a week before school starts? I am already on my way to the school, I live 40 miles away, I took the morning off to do this. Can't someone help me at that school? I need to register my son at his new school, I need his records and withdrawal paperwork!

Lady: I'm sorry, but you'll need to speak to the Registrar for that.

Me: Can't you just have them fedexed to me or mailed??

Lady: You'll have to call her on Monday, I can't help you.

Thanks for nuthin byotch.

****

Oh, yah. My dog puked CHUNKS on my $300 comforter last night. Oh the joy of pet ownership.

****

Did anyone else have a week like this???

Mundane bullsh*t

2006-08-01T04:55:00.000-05:00

I got nuthin' today.

I'm working my fat ass off at work. Yesterday sucked, but what do you do? I left the house at 7am and got home at 8:30pm. Isn't life fun? Big project at work that I had to work on. I saved the day a couple of different times because the order we had delivered that we have to provision for another company with specific applications was fubar. I got it straightened out after several phone calls and internal moaning and bitching. Yeah me.

When I got home last night I was so frickin' tired, but I couldn't just go to sleep. I lay in bed, watching tivo'd Lucky Louie, among other things and was struck by one thought; if we could discipline kids the way our parents disciplined us there would be a lot less heartache among parents in the world and a lot less out of control, mouthy as fuck teenagers who think they can do whatever they want.

On Lucky Louie, Louie & Kim's best friend's 16 year old daughter is moving in with her 40-something boyfriend. She constantly tells her mother in a very loud voice to "Fuck Off!!" In fact, "fuck" is used in practically every sentence this girl utters.

The day my son says "fuck off" to me is the day he gets my five fingers across his mug in a loud, resounding slap.

My son is not even close to how that character behaves but I sure as hell am not going to let him talk to me in such a disrespectful manner or treat me like shit. What parent wants to be treated shitty by their own offspring that they suffered and sacrificed for? It's a huge "slap in the face" to our dedication.

I, for one, will never allow it.

GEEEAAAAWD!

2006-07-26T04:44:00.000-05:00

Whomever said "No Pain, no Gain" needs to DIE of Gonorrhea.

I'm back where I started before that damn Lupron Depot therapy. It feels as though someone has put my baby baker in a vice! Good GAWD! WTF?

That freakin' therapy was six months of hot flashes and irritability, but at least I didn't cramp for a while. Now that it's over I'm happy, but these cramps are as bad as they ever were.

My gyno tells me I can't have a hysterectomy since I haven't had symptoms.

HELLO???

That fucking Lupron was suppose to suppress my symptoms for six months, not cure my disease. The sure fire cure is a hysterectomy. This bitch is done spitting out puppies so why the hell can't I get the oven ripped out???

Apparently, according to Dr. R, I haven't had symptoms lately so my insurance would most likely deny coverage. Well, IMHO, I've been having symptoms for two years and the therapy was a temporary fix. I can't stay on the Lupron at 35 years old. I'm too fucking young for menopause. I won't be pausing men dammit! The Mr. can keep on keepin on, but the cramping is worse after the baby batter has been spewed so this bitch has gotta get fixed!

They gyno can leave me my ovaries and I won't go into "the change" until I'm older. That's cool with a bitch. I just want the cramping to stop and the only way to cure my disease is hysterectomy.

I'm so down with that.

The only downside to hysterectomy: I'm out of work six weeks. Well, that's not necessarily true. I could work from home. I'm cool with that. The last of the few times I've had to endure surgery and down time in the past, I got to work from home. The previous two? I went fucking crazy with boredom. I SOOO wouldn't be a good stay at home mom. Not that I don't like being around my son, but he's 16, he doesn't need me to wipe his ass (thank GAWD! He's so HAIRY!) and dress him or bathe him. I need something to keep me busy. Watching t.v. all day just makes me zone out and become dumber and dumber.

I guess I'm a career chick who needs to work. I just do. That's why this cramping bullshit is pissing this bitch way off. The pissed off meter has reached the red line people. But, I am not a raging byotch. I am cool, my usual self, which is SO cool...really. I'm just irritated and ready for some normalcy in my life.

No pain baby. No pain. My idea of euphoria.

Damn! This bitch is gonna be late for work if I don't get my ass in the shower!

TTFN

Plop, Plop, Piss, Piss

2006-07-19T20:43:00.000-05:00

I sneezed and pissed myself while cooking on the grill tonight.

I love it when such occurrences strike while I can't do anything about it because I'm the only one to man the grill!

The Mr. is out of town on business so I'm holding down the fort. The kid is having a friend spend the night and I was cooking burgers for them. Thank gawd I was on the back deck, no one saw. It was just a few drops of piddle! Whew!

Have you ever just pissed your pants completely and totally?

I've only done it once, during waking hours, that I can remember.

I was at Girl Scout camp. We slept in these tents up on wooden platforms. I had to pee so bad and it was pitch black outside and no one in my tent would go with me to the johnette...bitches. So, I was dying and I just couldn't hold it anymore. I just let the piss run freely down my legs and onto the floor. My girlfriends were horrified, but given they be in my place I would have done the decent thing and gone with them...again...say it with me....BITCHES.

Kids are cruel and selfish. Whatdya do?

I think my problem these days is I need to do kegel exercises. I don't think I've really done them since I was prego 16, almost 17, years ago. Makes everything tighter and stronger in the poonani region. All I know is it makes the baby makin' better for both partners. At least the Mr. likes it. Does moaning while exhaling during sex mean you like it if you're a guy? Of a surety!

Kegels ladies. Gotta keep doing them, not just for gettin' it on though. I'm not old yet, by ANY means, but the older we get, and the fact that we ladies (most of us) have children in our lifetime means we could easily piss our pants when we sneeze, cough, or laugh too hard. YIKES!

I would fucking hate it if that happened to me at work. I usually go commando so it would suck royally if I didn't have some barrier between me and my Calvin's.

Not only did I piss myself while grilling tonight, I almost shite myself at my training class today! I was 50 miles from home so that would have sucked even more royally. I had the lovely thin dirties and I had to hot foot it to the shitter to keep from losin' my sanity! Not sure where the shits came from, but they sure chose a "shitty" time to come forth and prosper. Fucking shit.

You always pray no one else comes into the ladies while you're losing your internal organs. It's a bitch. Guys don't seem to worry about that kind of stuff. Women, we're mortified to pass gas let alone drop a bomb in the ladies. Good GAWD!

So, at least I won't ever be using that ladies room again. I'm done training so I am back at my office tomorrow.

Yippee.....

Give it up for CP!

2006-07-17T11:02:00.000-05:00

Just about everyone (the 3 or 4 of you) who read my blog also read CP's blog. The Certifiable Princess is one of the best reads on this here web. I spent some time at her blog today. I haven't blogged since last week, too busy this past weekend. Because I was remiss in my blogging I missed that CP has had some difficulties in her life.

Poor girl needs some support from all of us. Her son is quite possibly suffering from a horrific disease and her husband's family is living in a war zone in Israel. How much heartache and suffering can one woman take?

CP has told many stories of past happenings in her life. She has lived through so many things that would probably have broken the average person. Not CP. She's one strong beotch! That girl has balls bigger than most men and she has an intestinal fortitude of such strength that is rare among most humans.

She needs us bloggers. We need to back our favorite bad girl and send her thoughts and wishes to keep her spirits up. I hate to see her go through so much in her life, but I know she's become a stronger person for it. CP has lived! I'm sure when God comes calling for CP, and he WILL come calling for her, that he will have reserved a special spot for her. Her seat in heaven will be titled "Strongest Will To Live" for her strength to keep perservering.

I've never seen anyone go through as much as CP, but knowing that she's survived all that she has makes her my inspiration. I aspire to be as strong as CP and to enjoy life the way she seems to enjoy it. All she has been through has apparently made her live her life like each day could be her last. That's a lesson we all should take to heart.

Everyone visit CP and send her wishes and prayers for her difficulties that she's facing. Lets all have her back!

Naughty!

2006-07-13T07:27:00.000-05:00

My boyfriend came home with these little ditties from UrbanDictionary.com last night. Beware, I almost peed the bed reading some of these. Make sure you're near a bathroom or are wearing your Depends or Oops I Crapped My Pants undergarments.

1. A and P Catholic (BTW, I was raised Catholic)

Catholics (or any form of Christianity, basically) who only goes to Church on days when they give out free stuff; namely Ash Wednesday and Palm Sunday.

Bob: Do you ever go to Church?
Steve: Only on Ash Wednesday and Palm Sunday, when they give out free stuff.
Bob: Dude, you are such an A and P Catholic!

2. a bert

After a nice round of anal sex..Provide your sexual partner with a unibrow of nothing but shit...:D

I fucked liz and then gave her a bert,.She looked like bert from Sesame street

2. A Box Of Assorted Creams

1. A term to describe a vagina which has more than one delivery of semen within it, typically from multiple doners. Often the result of a "gang-bang."

2. A receptical of some sort containing multiple ejaculates and offered as a gift to an unsuspecting recipient; esp. in retaliation by unknown givers.

1. Mel was passed around as a cum-bucket for the whole team. By the time we'd finished with her, she was a giant Box of Assorted Creams.
2. That bitch, Mel, pissed everyone off, so we gave her a Box of Assorted Creams.

1. A Bulldozer

Pushing a woman around on her face while having anal sex.

Tiffany had rug burns on her face from getting the bulldozer.

This next one had me laughing so hard I was worried I might pass out or get a hernia.

1. a leaker

When you nut in a chick without a condom and she drips on your carpet on the way to john.

"The slut I fuc**d last night was a leaker. Lewis and Clark could have followed my Jesus juice to the shitter."

Keep in mind, we'd been sipping some wine and chillin' in a big way when we read through these. God I thought I was going to hack up a lung over the Jesus Juice example!

That was just some of the "A's" by the way.

I found one myself that I thought I might share...

1. Q Tip

When you are getting head from a girl (or guy) and when you are at climax you turn her head and ejaculate in her ear.

I gave your girlfriend a Q Tip last night, and she said you have a small penis!

Sorry if I offended anyone, but it is my blog and, in the immortal words of Eric Cartman " I do what I want." I just thought, while disgusting, many of these little definitions were still hilarious.

Ya'll have a great day.

Those little suckers'll get ya!

2006-07-11T10:55:00.000-05:00

Summers in ATL are pretty fucking hot. Sticky, muggy, stifling, the list goes on an on. Humidity is a killer here. There are more woods in this state than I think there are anywhere else in the country. Okay, that may be stretching it, but it sure feels like it.

I took my dog, Phoebe, out to do her 'bidniz' about 20 minutes ago and my skin is crawling now as I type this. She was searching the back yard to go do her thang and it took her a long time. We have an assload of woods behind our house, all our property, but we also have ant hills everywhere that we are trying to extricate from the yard because, no matter how much we spray, they find their way into our home. AAARGH, my head is even itching! Phoebe must have been standing on an ant hill whilst crapping because, after finishing, she started walking toward me, but stopped to bite her left rear leg. I walked over to her and she had ants all over her leg!!! Everywhere! Then I noticed a tick crawling on the fur of her back! OH. MY. GAWD!!! I can't stop itching!!!

I flicked the tick off and started swiping her leg down with my hands and managed to get all the ants, but I was thoroughly creeped out. I loathe insects of any kind. I know ants are virtually harmless, unless their fire ants, which we have tons of here in Georgia. But, DAYAMB! I love the woods, just hate the woodland insects. Little freaks!

So, Phoeb's and I are now safely nestled inside the house. No buggies on us. I put Advantix on her and she hasn't one flea or tick on her. The tick that WAS on her outside would have probably jumped on me since I haven't been taking Advantix myself. They need to make some for humans!

Now I feel the need to go shower, maybe I'll stop itching.

Science of the bizarre & Idiot Judges

2006-07-09T15:58:00.000-05:00

There is some wacked out shit going on in the world....Check out some of these stories from News of the Weird

Researchers from the Institute for Regenerative Medicine at Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center announced in May that they had grown a fully functional, artificial penis from a rabbit (using his own genes), which they hoped would lead to future development of a human penis, for men with birth defects, body trauma or cancer. [Fox News, 5-23-06]

Ambreed New Zealand introduced in June a go-cart-like machine for ranchers to gather sperm from bulls. A driver maneuvers the vehicle, designed to resemble a cow, so that the bull can mount it. The driver waits patiently until the bull is done and then drives away with the sperm so that manual extraction is no longer required. [Reuters, 6-14-06]

In May, a U.S. Court of Appeals panel ruled that Scott Panetti remains eligible for execution in Texas despite his delusional and schizoaffective disorders and the opinion of one law professor that Panetti is the "gold-plated craziest" death-row inmate he'd ever seen. Charged with murder after having been drug-addicted since childhood and in mental institutions 14 times, Panetti was nonetheless permitted by his trial judge to act as his own lawyer (and employed a "strategy" of claiming to be under the control of a "Sarge Ironhorse"), and not surprisingly, he lost the case. [New York Times, 6-2-06]

Cleveland judge Eileen Gallagher abruptly dismissed child-rape charges against Norman Craig, 22, in June when the prosecutor was 45 minutes late for a hearing, and she further scolded the lawyer, warning him, "Don't treat me like a punk." [Fort Wayne Journal Gazette-AP, 6-22-06]

Is There Air Conditioning In Hell?

2006-07-06T13:20:00.000-05:00

My paternal grandma died on Saturday, 7/1. I was a saddened by the news as my mother delivered it to me, but I didn't cry or get terribly upset.

Do I sound heartless? She was almost 88 (would have been tomorrow).

My grandma and I had a tense and very strained relationship. She hated my mother, but a few months ago she told my dad to bring my mom around (my mother hasn't seen her in years on purpose), that she loved her and wanted to apologize for being so mean. Death bed redemption I suppose.

My grandma has always been a sickly person. My whole life she rarely got out of her electric lift recliner. She had horrible degenerative rheumatoid arthritis. She pretty much didn't have joints. During her last few years living in a nursing home she couldn't feed herself because she couldn't grip her utensils. She couldn't give herself a drink because she couldn't lift her cup. What's worse, someone stole her bottom dentures so she only had her top ones. Who fucking does this???

My mother didn't grant Grandma's wish. But, she did go with my father to my dad's hometown of Effingham, IL to her wake and funeral which takes place tomorrow (ironically on her birthday).

My grandma once told my mother that she was a loose woman with the morals of an alley cat. She didn't like my mother, a twice divorced, single mother of one. Plus, she really didn't like that my mother was two years older than my dad and then I was born out of wedlock.

Here's the sitch. The real "meat and potatoes" of it. My parents dated while my dad was in college. My mom owned a beauty salon and worked part time as a waitress at the Moose club where my pops bartended. She was not yet divorced from her second husband, who was physicially abusive to her so much that she left him. She just hadn't gotten divorced yet. They dated for quite a while, then pops graduated and went off to teach at a highschool in another town.

Mom was prego with me by then and didn't know what the heck she was gonna do. She actually went back to her loser, abusive hubby and tried to convince him I was his (she was already 3 mos pregnant). He took her back, but wasn't kind to her or my older sister. In fact, when she was within a week of delivery he beat her and chased her into the bathroom where she locked herself in. She waited for him to leave then packed her things and got a neighbor to help her put her things in her car. She never went back. A week later I was born.

My pops never knew there was a "me" on the way until my maternal grandmother and step grandpa drove to where he lived and laid it on him like a ton of bricks. They told him what my mother had been going through and that I was about to be born.

Needless to say my pops was floored. Grams's says he turned white as a sheet and just sat there with bugged eyes and gaping mouth.

The bad part was my dad was engaged to marry this wannabe beauty queen chick. Some skinny blonde. He told her what was going on, about my mom and me. She took it well I guess, but eventually wrote him a Dear John letter. Lucky for me. Yah, Grandma was pissed. And that's the understatement of the century. She wanted a beauty queen daughter in law. Yah, get over it.

The day I was born my grandparents snuck my pops into the hospital. I looked just like him. In fact our baby pics are nearly identical. Freaky.

Needless to say, my pops and mom got married seven months later after she divorced the bully. They've been together ever since.

I think I got off track.

I didn't go to my grandma's funeral. I feel a bit guilty about it, but my parents don't think I should. If my mom's mother were to die I would be there. She's always been in my life and has always been very good to me and my pop. Grandma Pops was mean sometimes. She would just get evil on your ass with no warning. I suspect she had borderline personality disorder.

Anyway, my pop's side of the family is wacked. My uncle may be the only sane one and I question even that because the dude went from Democrat to staunch Republican. What is it with Catholics??? I think it was my freak cousin Bill's doing. He's a militant Christo-Republican, as my dad likes to call them. So freakin' Catholic that he and his wife have kneelers in their bedroom for prayer! Their walls are covered with pictures of Christ and they have crucifixes in every room. I wonder if they are attempting to ward off the devil or something?

Anyway, I am a former Catholic so I believe that my dad's side of the family thinks I'm doomed to the pits of hell for all eternity. I just don't believe in organized religion...so sue me.

I guess Grandma Pop's continued bible thumping and her hating on my mom was enough to make me disengage myself from the family. I'm sure Grandma blamed my mother for that too. Didn't matter what the issue was, my "whore" mother got the blame.

What.The.Fuck.Ever.

About 3 years ago I was passing through my pop's home town and stopped to visit my uncle and aunt. Unfortunately my uncle insisted that I see Grandma. She looked horrible. Sad and old, and long white hair. She had fallen and gotten a black eye months before and it was still there. At that time she had both top and bottom dentures so she talked normally. She was glad to see me. She acted like there had been no bad blood between us. Years before I had torn into her and put her in her place when she blamed my mother for something that my cousin (my dad's sister's kid) did to my younger sister (stabbed her in the head with a big kitchen knife for being nice to a boy my cousin liked. Yah, I know what you're thinking...Fucking INSANE). She and my aunt said to me that kids turn out the way they do because of the mother. "Interesting how it's Suzie that stabbed my sister, I guess you have to take the blame for that one don'tcha Aunt C!!!!" I yelled at them over the phone. Now sweet little Suzie Q is in jail for counterfitting money. Can we say "sweet vindication???? "

Maybe I sound mean, but DAMN that woman could be evil! My cousin (pre-religious & Republican fanatacism) called me up to congratulate me because Grandma had been doing the same thing to his mother for years. He said he was glad that someone had finally torn Grandma a new asshole. "Amen to that," I said.

Okay, maybe I should get way beyond the old stuff and move on...I have done so, truly. I guess there was just so much bad blood. She alienated us from that side of the family because of her sneaky, manipulative ways. The woman actually faked amnesia to get us to come visit her! She was always faking something or saying something nasty about someone. If kharma exists, Grandma's in for an even uglier next life. If it doesn't I sure hope there is air conditioning in hell.

Maybe we'll all learn sumthin!

2006-06-30T08:32:00.000-05:00

I was at Mike's blog yesterday and he had posted a Meme that he got tagged for which is probably the best meme I've seen to date I decided to do it too. Check it.

Instructions:

1. Go to Wikipedia.org
2. In the Search box, type your birth month and day (but not year).
3. List three events that happened on your birthday.
4. List two important birthdays and one interesting death.
5. One holiday or observance (if any).

Events:

5509 BC - The world was created, according to the Byzantine Empire.
1752 - The Liberty Bell arrives in Philadelphia.
2004 - The Beslan school hostage crisis begins when armed terrorists take hundreds of schoolchildren and adults hostage in the Russian town of Beslan in North Ossetia.

Births:

1939 - Lily Tomlin, American actress and comedian
1950 - Dr. Phil, American television talk show host (not really an important birth...)

Death:

1715 - King Louis XIV of France (b. 1638)

Holiday or Observance:

Start of the season when oysters are fit to eat (when month names contain an "R"). Which is also the season to have a common cold.

I won't tag anyone. If you want to do this on your site please do so. I thought it was kind of educational!

Does It Really Take The Village?

2006-06-28T10:25:00.000-05:00

I was reading Mike's post about parents dumping their kids at the mall as a baby sitter and how the parents should be held accountable for their children's aberrant behavior.

I tend to agree with what Mike said, but I have to give credence to my own personal experience, as the mother of a teenager, to his post.

My son was such a sweet and well behaved child (and still is) while growing up. I love that kid like nobody's business and I have raised him all by myself, no father, no nanny, no regular babysitter.

I had to work when he was young, in fact I had to quit school to raise him. I don't regret my decision to keep him when I found myself pregnant at 19. I wish I had been older and through college when that little oops happened, but I made the very best of a difficult situation.

I had so much stress while he was young. I know I wasn't the best mother (I had never been one before ya know!), but there was no mother in the world who loved her child more. His sweet little face and adorable laugh just made my heart practically burst with love all the time.

Being a single mom to my son he became very attached to me. I was young and stupid and still wanted to have fun, so a couple of weekends a month I would spend Saturday night out with the girls or on a date. I learned early on not to bring men around my son. Before you go thinking I had one night stands while he in the house just wipe that from your mind! I would never have done that to him. Just thinking of doing that makes me feel dirty, filthy. But, when I would start dating someone new I learned to keep my son and my boyfriend apart. They might have met each other, but they didn't spend time together. My thoughts were, if this relationship I'm in gets serious then I'll bring them together. In other words, if the relationship didn't have staying power, the two never met. Hence, my son never really met anyone I dated in his 16 years until Mr. D, whom we now live with.

Maybe I did him a disservice by keeping him isolated from my dating life, but I like to think I protected him from heart ache should the relationship have died. He wouldn't be attached to anyone he would never see again. I didn't want him grieving because of my stupidity.

As he entered middle school I started noticing that his personality was changing some. He started sleeping more, to which I attributed puberty and a growth spurt. He never would do his homework no matter how much I would take his things away from him or ground him. In fact, he started failing or barely scraping by in his classes. I got calls from his teachers and counselors, had parent/teacher conferences. I got tired of going to the school to discuss his lack of performance. He would get 100% on virtually every test he took, but he would never hand in homework or outside projects, do book reports where he would have to read a book. In fact, every book report he did in middle school I made sure I read the book too so I could help him with is report. I never did his homework, but I sure as heck helped him word several sentences so it didn't sound half assed.

My mother used to say to me that he seemed depressed. I just thought it was teen angst. I know hormones make kids do irrational things and think irrational thoughts. It is tough being a teenager if you all will remember. I chalked it up to that and continued to struggle with getting him up in the morning for school and getting him to do his school work. I didn't let him go and do, like many parents let their kids. I didn't "drop" him at the mall while I went to work. In fact, I rarely let him go to the mall. I hate going to the mall because of all the chaperone-less kids that run around and make noise and commotion. It's horribly annoying and I would be mortified if my son behaved in such a way. I let him go to the mall to movies (95% of the time I am with him), but I have let him go to the movies with his friends once in a while. I drop him off and pick him up as soon as it is over. I just don't trust some of these kids I see at the mall! The few times I let him hang out with some of his friends other boys have shown up and Jack got involved with them, unbeknownst to me, and was getting pot from them. That floored me.

My son had never done such a stupid thing. In fact, he's usually the only boy his friends' parents will let spend the night or come visit. He is polite and mannerly and generally fun to be around and parents like this. They feel safe letting their kids hang out with him. Unfortunately, again, I'm somewhat strict and he doesn't get to do much. Poor kid gets bored, and it turns out, he is clinically depressed so now he takes Lexapro. I wonder if I didn't help make him depressed by restricting his social life so much? Finding the pot plant he had hidden in his room pretty much made it even worse. He hasn't been to the mall in a long time and I don't let him go to any of his friend's houses anymore. I guess all trust is gone. It's a shame too. He's not even trying to build it back up, he just sits in his room, either sleeping, watching t.v. or playing video games. I don't want him to be a social hermit, but I just don't know who to trust and I'm afraid to trust him for now.

My sister let my 14 year old neice go to the mall a LOT. She is one of the kids that Mike referenced in his post, but my sister went with her a lot too. She did go with her friends a lot while my sister worked, but she stayed with my mother during the day while my sister worked so my mother let her go to the mall a lot with her friends, unsupervised. One night at the mall she and another girl shoplifted a $5 bracelet from a store. My neice didn't bet barred, but she got into trouble and got put on probation.

That girl has problems. My sister is a conscientious and good mother, but somehow, she lost control. Now my neice lives with her father in Illinois. We'll see if he can straighten her out. She's a disrespectful trainwreck!

This school year my son will start as a sophomore at brand new highschool since we moved to a new county. We live in a small town in a lightly populated county, only 20K people. It's very country in the North GA mountains so I'm hoping a little, small town will rub off on his urbanite brain. I hope he makes some great friends who are good kids with good heads on their shoulders with (hopefully!) conscientious parents. I'll be making a point of meeting every parent of every child he wants to spend time with. I can't let him fall back into drugs. His future depends on it.

I hope this post has let anyone who reads it see that good parents can have problems with their kids too. I have instilled good values, taught respect and tolerance, worked with him to set goals and try to meet them and he still was influenced by outsiders. Perhaps it's t.v., perhaps it's other peoples kids who haven't been given the structure that I have given my son. Just be aware that any child can change from a good one to a confused and trouble one that acts out to let us know they need help. They push their limits all the time and we have to reign them in. It's tough to do when you're a single parent, but I work my ass off trying to be a good parent to my son. I'm sure many other parents know just where I'm coming from.

Bustin' Out!

2006-06-27T13:15:00.000-05:00

Hell-O my friends.

I am here to tell you that I finally got my weight loss journaling blog up and running.

It's called "FAT GIRL LIFE"

Go check it out!

I'M HUGE!

What Better Place to Display the Ten Commandments???

2006-06-26T14:54:00.000-05:00

This is fabulous!

With the uprising of Evangelical Christian vigor of our Congressmen, Stephen Colbert shows the utter stupidity of one sponsoring a bill to display the Ten Commandments in courthouses and Judicial halls. What a frickin' moron this guy is!

Ring Me Up Scottie! The Weight Is Going BYE BYE!

2006-06-26T13:40:00.000-05:00

I went to the gyno today. Lucky I didn't have to "spread em," but she and I had a sit down about my current state of being after ending my Lupron Depot therapy. I had been in drug induced, temporary menopause to control the pain of Adenomyosis, also know as endometriosis within the muscles of the walls of my baby baker.

She told me my next option to control pain and my Aunt Flow visits was to go BACK on the pill. She asked me what I wanted to do to which I replied, "YANK IT OUT!"

She said, at the moment, my insurance probably wouldn't pay for it because I've been symptom free for six months thanks to Lupron. DAMMIT! So she reitered, the pill.

I LOATHE THE PILL!

So, she gave me the option of NuvaRing as well.

NuvaRing = 3 visits from Aunt Flow a year = a very happy me.

It's supposed to control my pain as well, which I'm all for! As well I'm sure Mr. D will be happy too! I haven't had a visit from that bitch, Flow, in almost 8 months and now she won't be rearing her ugly head for another 4!

WOOOPEEEE!

My sex life has gotten a little more active lately so I'm glad I have a little tool to keep me in bizniz! My poonani is thanking me right now. I hope the side effects don't have me bitching up a storm!

The good thing is that I'm not having more kids and Mr. D has been snipped so I felt like taking BC pills was a joke. I felt they were wasted on me. I like the concept of the ring better. Only have to change it once a month and surf the crimson wave once every 4 months. That's my kind of surfin!

Anywho...

I've lost 8 lbs since going on NutraSystem seven days ago.

8 FUCKING POUNDS IN A WEEK!!!!

I don't like the food too much, but it's worth it if I'm losing weight. Though I must admit I lost a good amount on Weight Watcher and I didn't have to buy any special food, just change how I ate, watch my portions, drink more water. (Easy peazy lemon squeezy! Sorry, I've been watching Britcoms again!).

I haven't started my blog about my weight loss journey yet. I haven't had time, plus the fact that my damn DSL isn't working at my new house. For some reason only one of our phone jacks is working and DSL won't even come through it, though we've been getting billed for it. WTF??

So, I'll have that blog up soon. I'm kind of excited to log my progress. I think it'll give me incentive to watch the weight fall off and, hopefully, get encouragement from my blogpals.

So stay tuned for that blog. I'll announce it very soon!

Later beotches!

Okay, I Lied. Condemn Me to Hell For It, But Check This Out First

2006-06-23T09:50:00.000-05:00

JR Estelle commented on my last posting about homosexuality being a perversion according to

"The Bible"

This link should be mandatory reading for all Fundamentalist, Evangelical Christians. I know there are others out there who realize the Bible is to be interpretted and believe it to have many translation errors. Unfortunately, the fundamentalist believe that the Bible is without error and that God prevented the writers from making a single error.

WTF?

Why can't He do that for me while I'm writing about the Bible in my blog? it IS a quandry!

I hope you all will agree that this site is excellent clarifying Biblical script and I think Dani and her ilk need to read it.

BTW, JR Estelle makes some great points so read her blog! Shes a wise one!

Homophobes and Their Veil of Christianity.

2006-06-22T10:16:00.000-05:00

I think Gay Pride Week has drudged up some ugly stuff.

There has been a lot of debate about Dani's blog lately and I just want to put my two cents in.

This woman is a Evangelical Christian zealot. Zealot is defined as a fanatically committed person. She is definitely committed to her Christian values and morals. But who isn't committed to their own beliefs?

That being said, I must also state that she seems very calm when commenting back on people who comment on her post and exclaim their belief that she is a friggin' nutcase. While yes, she is a nutcase, we must understand her view of things. It is quite apparent to me that she has been sheltered within the arms of a strong holding church after her bout with lesbianism. In fact, I would imagine that her family gives up 10% or more of their annual earnings to their church. A church that is probably more cult-like in it's "management" of its "flock" than a place of worship where all are welcome to join in fellowship. It's quite obvious that her church would rather condemn a person for sexual preference regardless of his or her belief system or moral fiber which could be as strong as Dani's herself. For those who haven't been following the saga click here to get started on catching up. Several bloggers got involved in this debate over homosexuality being a perversion against God according to Dani.

It was very clear to me after reading all of the comments and new posts by Dani, Mike, and ~Deb that about 99% of the people posting are open minded, tolerant people who accept those who are different than they. Isn't that what the Bible says God preaches anyway? Love and acceptance? Treating others as you would want to be treated? Judge not lest ye be judged? Instead, the "God fearing" Evangelical Christians do the judging. Perhaps they feel, as righteous Christians, that it is their place to judge since Jesus isn't here to do it and who the hell knows when the "rapture" is due to come so they gotta get a jump on making sure that they have a seat in the "saved" wagon.

To this I say,

WHAT.

THE.

FUCK.

EVER.

If these people did any research on the Bible itself they would learn that there are no original manuscripts, supposedly written by Jesus or his desciples or other earlier prophets. The books have been written and rewritten and removed or edited to allow Kings and the Catholic Church to control the ignorant, God fearing masses. Did you read "ignorant?" I hope so. Because if ignorance is bliss then the Evangelical Christian zealot's must be fantastically ecstatic. They feel "saved" because they believe and accept Jesus Christ as their "personal" savior.

I'm sorry, I guess I just don't know if I believe in this organized religious hooey. I believe in a higher power. I believe in being a giving and good person. I don't know if I believe in heaven more than I believe in other planes of existence. I just don't know. Call it an existential crisis, but I seriously feel that being "faithful" and believing in an entity that cannot be verified and validated as actually existing is, maybe, a sign of looniness. Would anyone concur?

Perhaps I'm being too harsh, but I grew up Catholic and believe(d) in God and all the teachings of the bible, however I was taught to interpet the bible in my own way, that it was NEVER to be taken literally. I mean, come on! If Jesus proclaimed his existence on earth today we would put him in a straight jacket and send him to the looney bin. Because the idea of a man on earth claiming to be Jesus sounds like he's crazy, right? RIGHT. Jesus supposedly turned water into wine and walked on water, as well as spent 40 days in the desert without food or water. Moses brought down the 10 plagues of Egypt on Rameses and his kingdom. Was anyone there to verify what really happened and if they wrote it down, where are the original manuscripts that may have chronicaled such events? Forgive me if I seem callous, but I just have a hard time believing in what sounds overly fantastic. I may be the only agnostic in my family. I have a scientific brain and I believe that if you can see it and you can touch it then it's real.

I may get shunned from my family for believing this way, but I'm sorry. I believe in evolution because scientific research has delivered proof of it. If you would rather believe that God created Adam and Eve from Adam's rib then go right ahead. Knowing what I do about biology and human physiology (former pre-med student here) I know it is not possible and could never have happened. I just can't put faith in a "theory" like that. That fact that people do scares the shit out of me. Do people seriously believe that God talkes to W like he claims? In my opinion the man is the anti-Christ if there is supposed to be one.

If God exists would he allow all the horrors of the world? Would he allow the rape and murder of little children? The truest innocents of the world? Would he allow the mass genocide of races or the horror of AIDS and the Ebola virus?

I guess, because of all the misery in the world, I just reserve my belief for proof. Proof that God A) exists, and B) that he is the benevolent God that "the Bible" would have us believe.

I just don't know. Call me confused, but call me sane and a realist. I just don't get this insane zealotry. I have several Evangelical zealot's in my family and I have written them off as folks I don't want to spend time around. I don't appreciate someone shoving their ideals and beliefs down my throat. I don't do it to them so I won't have them do it to me and they know it. I'm sure, in their minds, this heathen is going to hell in a handbasket and taking my son with me.

Yah, we're heathens I guess. And I just judged those Evangelical Christian zealot's as fanatic freaks so I'm just as guilty of judging.

So fucking be it. At least I am smart enough to realize that we are all human and utilize free will to be who we are and I don't believe that anyone should judge anyone else. We should ALL be allowed to live our lives without the fear of judgemental retribution from bible beaters because we aren't exactly like they are or believe in exactly the same way.

People have freely expressed their opinion on this issue of homosexuality as a perversion. I do not feel that it is. I, as an educated, former Catholic, believe that we as humans should be allowed to love whomever we want and MARRY whomever we want. That, if there is a God, he put us on earth to live and love and respect one another. I think most people do just that, however it would seem that the religious bible thumpers just can't seem to, believing that they are living the doctrine of God's will as it is written in the Bible. That the Bible condemns homosexuality and so should they. Again, the Bible is a book of moral fables. Those who believe these stories as literal truths need to have their heads examined.

Okay, maybe that was more than two cents, but I feel better now. Resume your lives people!

This debate will never end.

Mmmmm....Peaches! Ice Cream!! NutriSystem!!!... WHA???

2006-06-21T13:49:00.000-05:00

I have been eating nectarines and peaches a lot lately. I don't know what it is about them. I guess their juicy, sweetness is one thing that keeps me coming back to them.

If peaches were women I'd be a lesbian.

Anyway, they're so damned tasty! I don't like the peach fuzz on the skin so I tend to eat more nectarines than peaches. They are virtually the same fruit! I'm eating them on my NutriSystem diet. So far so good on that thing. I haven't cheated once! It has only been 3 days on the diet though. The food isn't too bad. Some of it has that "processed food" taste, but for the most part I'm getting along just fine.

D eats his damned ice cream crispy bars in front of me, that's a true bitch. I love ice cream. I could eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Especially Bruster's fresh, homemade, peach ice cream. It's the foshizzle dizzle!

GAWD, I love ice cream! So, if ice cream and peaches were sex and women, again, I'd be a lesbian.

My muthah made my pops a peach cobbler (his favorite & mine) for father's day and I totally pigged out on it since NutriSystem got my full attention the very next day.

I guess I can cheat once in a while as long as I jump right back on and I don't cheat all day long. Since D and I both want a trip to Mazatlan (if I lose 50LBs by Xmas) he's on my ass to not deviate. I don't want to deviate because I really want this trip as well as I want my old body back!!! I miss being in shape and being able to wear what I want without worrying about a muffin top or a camel toe! And my arms!!! Fuggettaboutit!

I am planning on creating a blog that keeps track of my progress. It's going to be pics of me at various stages of the diet, chronicalling my progress and (hopefully) weightloss. I'll put the link on my sidebar once it's created if anyone interested. I guess I'll be letting you know how much I weigh....ick.

I actually let D see how much I weigh. He said he needed to know in order to make sure I hit my 50 lb weight loss by Xmas or NYE. I plan on hitting that mark no matter what, but it was embarrassing to let my boyfriend see my actual weight! It's no paltry weight either. I'm a big girl, but he and I both are okay with my body, it's the thought of the weight and how big it sounds that freaks me out.

So....

I got nuthin else.

A Skin Crawling Experience

2006-06-15T13:48:00.000-05:00

Before I moved to Atlanta, 9 years ago (holy shit it's been that long?) I worked in sales for an insurance company. I cold called a lot and, believe me, it sucked. I also visited customers to collect their semi-annual payments from older versions of policies we sold. I ended up in timbuktu every once in a while. Small towns, lots of homes in the country.

Let me tell you about the scariest house I ever visited.

I don't mean scary as in frightening because it had an ominous or ghostly feel to it, but I mean scary as in I didn't want to step foot into the nasty house.

The following is what I saw:

about 100 hound dogs of which 60% were puppies of various ages. I'm not kidding.
A bunch of chickens used for eggs that the customer obviously sold, along with the sign advertising "puppies for sale."
Dog shit and chicken shit EVERYWHERE

That was just outside the house. There were injured and handicapped dogs running around with the healthy ones and the place stunk to high heaven!

As I gingerly stepped into the customer's kitchen from the back door I noticed that the indoors wreaked as bad as the outdoors. Worse, if that is possible, as it was the peak of summer and about 100 degrees farenheit in the shade. The owner, a 70-something woman, was sitting at her kitchen table in a dirty housedress, wiping chicken shit off eggs she was putting into cartons (lovely).

I was there to renew their insurance policy, but didn't dare sit down! As I stood in this woman's kitchen she started to walk toward me while wiping an egg off, but she stopped and stood with me. Unfortunatatley for her she stopped just in the right place for a fly strip, covered in dead flies, to stick to her forehead. She didn't even seem to notice! UGH!

There was crap (varous stacks of magazines, newspapers, junk, dog crap, chicken crap, old, rancid food, etc.) everywhere. Nothing had been cleaned in what appeared to be years.

I never worked faster in my life to get the fuck out of there.

This was out in the boonies in Southern Illinois (I'm from East Central IL) and I didn't know my way around. But I did notice that about 80% of the names on the mailboxes in this particular area were the same as this customer's.

**"Deliverance" banjos begin to play**

I was shakin' in my high heels every time I had to stop at a house with that name on the mailbox!

I can't tell you how many times, as a sales rep, either cold calling or renewing insurance policies, that I came across old people's homes that they never ever cleaned or threw anything away. It was crazy. I once visited a house with stacks of newspapers on the floor that pretty much were almost as tall as me. They were covered in dust! How is it healthy to live in the squallor these people lived in?

I am not the neatest person in the world and, God knows, I hate to clean and put it off as long as I can. But! I do not allow shit to accumulate on my floor from my dog, stack newspapers head high, keep 100's of dogs and chickens, or have multiple fly strips hanging through my kitchen because flies are flocking to the shit covered eggs on my kitchen table or rancid food cluttering the kitchen.

Just remembering this particular home with the chicken shit covered eggs makes me want to hurl.

I felt like I was in an episode of either the X-Files or the Twilight Zone.

If my home looked like that it would be because I was completely paralyzed and couldn't get out of bed. Even then I would be so horrifically embarrassed at the state of my home I would never invite anyone to step inside it!

Truly, the thought is mortifying!

Long Time No Post!

2006-06-12T14:06:00.000-05:00

I had a frightening experience the other day.

I was in my new kitchen, unpacking boxes and finding places for everything. My BF's daughter "A" was standing just inside the doorway watching me and chatting with me. Out of the corner of my eye I see her lean back as though she's going to lean against the wall behind her.

"BAM!"

She not only HIT the wall, but she slid to the floor and started to seize. Not a grand mall, lighter than that, but a seizure none the less. I have never been around a person who has seized, only my dog from childhood who had epilepsy, and that was unbelievable to watch.

This was different. It was a person, and D's daughter to boot!

Her hands curled inward toward her wrist's and her eyes glazed over. She wasn't moving really, just slight seizing, but she seemed to not "be" with me.

I called her name several times and she didn't respond. I started yelling for D, but got no response, so I called for my son. I asked him to go find D quickly and bring him to the kitchen, that 'A' was having some sort of seizure.

Right after he walked out the door, I started yelling her name again and all of a sudden she said "What?" as though nothing had happened.

Freaked my shit right out!

My first thoughts were that she either had seizure disorder or hypoglycemia, perhaps even low blood pressure. She claimed that she might be dehydrated because she had done that only once before and that was the cause. She said she felt herself blacking out and she leaned back to the wall to avoid falling (uh, too late).

Well, that was mighty scary for me. I didn't really know how to handle it. I got the impression that she didn't want her dad to know. It worked out okay, because 'J' never came back with 'D'. Great at following directions, my son is. (ooh, I just channeled Yoda!). I told him later that evening when we were alone. I got the impression from 'A' that she didn't want to make a big deal out of it. D was unaware that she'd ever done that before. He was concerned, but didn't say anything more to me about it. I'm sure he's spoken to her about it and will mention it to her mother, but I'm not going to get involved in that. Her mother has a tendency to be a vindictive BEOTCH toward D so I'm going dark on this one!

Now for the good news (at least to me)...

We've gotten the house together quite a bit. It's not close to being done though. We still have my office to move into the house from the garage, plus a set of couches, some dressers, blah, blah blah. Still a lot to do.

I have no energy for it.

Anywho...

There is cute, little, male weiner dog that runs around our neighborhood. He just travels through yards like he owns the place. He's TINY, but adorable as most tiny dogs are. I don't know his name, but he watches me walk Phoebe and just stands, mesmerized. I think he would like to come meet her, but he may be afraid of her because she's bigger than he is. I guess no one thinks anything of this dog roaming free. I don't know who he belongs to, but I'd love to have him! Phoebe wouldn't attack him because he's male, unless, because he's smaller than she is, she thinks he's some sort of animal she's supposed to tree or hunt down. Who knows??

Moving along...

Has anyone heard that song by Gnarles Barkely, "Crazy?" My 60 year old mom is lovin' that song! It freaks me out because she is listening to the ATL alternative station (99X) to try to hear it. She just needs to buy the damn CD. I listen to DaveFM myself. I prefer it's eclectic songlist, while I drive during rush hour, to 99X's dumbass trio that host their morning show. It sucks. They are retarded, I mean really reTARDed.

Gnarles Barkely performed their song "Crazy" on the MTV Movie awards last night. They were all dressed in Star Wars costumes. Chewbacca was playing the drums, a jedi knight was playing the keyboards. Two storm troopers were playing guitar, Darth Vadar was singing and rebel fighter pilots were singing backup. It was just a tad retaaaaaaarded. But, they're pretty damn soulful if you ask me. I like their music. So many great artists are coming out of the UK lately. I'm LOVIN' it. One of my favorites is Jamie Cullum. I also like Michael Buble and Diana Krall. Of course Elvis Costello, Diana's hubby. There are too damn many to name, but I'm enjoying what I'm hearing!

Oh, more interesting news.

Many of you may know that I had to put my son in a clinic for people with behavior problems or addiction. He had been smoking pot regularly and he was failing out of school. In fact, he wouldn't even go to school at all. I was having major issues with him sleeping all day and not going to bed at night. It was driving me bonkers.

He seemed to do an about face after spending a week as a partial inpatient. I thought "Great! Now we're on the road to a better place!"

How fucking wrong can a person be? Let me just tell you.

While moving some things into my son's new room D noticed that he had locked his bathroom door. J wasn't with us most of the weekend, he was staying with my parents. So D and I got his door unlocked and started looking around for telltale signs. Nothing was outwardly visible, and why would it be? I looked all through his bathroom cabinets and found some black shirts stuffed into a cabinet. Behind those shirts was a homemade bong. He had made it out of an empty 2L Sprite bottle, a straw and empty pen tube and a cable connector. Ingenius little shit.

Then D found what was left of his stash. Not much, but a few seeds and some stems.

Since this happened, D and I decided to empty our own little stash that was given to us and quit altogether. I can't be a hypocrit. My son has NO clue that I have done this other than during my college years. That's the way I'd like it to stay. I don't do it often, in fact I can count on one hand how many times I have done it since college, but since someone gifted us with a little we have just decided to enjoy it and destress from this bullshit of our move. So, now we're done in hopes of getting the kid into a better frame of mind and far from the losers he calls friends.

So, things are going well other than all the bizarre trauma's we've had lately.

How're things going with ya'll?

I should be cookies or brownies because....

2006-06-03T12:14:00.000-05:00

I got baked to the gills last night. Not something I do often, but someone gave me and the bf some good stuff and WOW, my friend KT and I got so fried!

Notice how I speak in cooking references when I talking about how high I got? Goes with the territory I guess. Gettin' the munchies.

All we ended up munching on was these great salt & pepper potato chips and we shared a Lil' Debbie Nutty Bar (YUM!). We drank a few Corona Lites and watched some old Chappelle Show reruns she had Tivo'd and laughed our fool heads off. What a relaxing night that was! In fact, I fell asleep on her couch and started snoring like a buzzsaw apparently. I slept on her couch. No WAY in HELL I could have driven home.

So, this morning I got up and got my nails done, they were way to long so now they're nice and a bit shorter and I can type like wind again. LOVING IT! I had to run to the post office and the bank too, then to my parents. My new company hasn't started taking taxes out of my check so my dad (retired tax auditor) configured my quarterly tax payments to the state and federal government until the tax ID's are set up. This is a new sister company to the company that actually paid me. But since my company doesn't have the tax ID's for state and federal yet they cannot legally take taxes out of my check. No biggee. It helps to have a dad that used to be tax man. He's always helping me figure out what I need to be doing. He handed me everything I need to make payments, including the estimated amount for each! Love my pop!

Speaking of my pop, he's the bomb diggity! He paid for my Uhaul when we moved our stuff. His contribution to my move, he says. A few moves ago (about 7 years ago) he was helping me move a mattress out of a UHaul truck and my little nephew (2 at the time) came wandering out of the house and walked right up to us. The mattress started to fall toward him and my dad and I tried to catch it. Pop slipped out of the truck and hit the side of his head on the UHaul back tail light and nearly cut his ear OFF. It bled like a stuck pig! It was awful!!! Skin was hanging from the tailight which apparently had a sharp metal piece sticking off of it that was not supposed to be that way! Mom drove Pop to the emergency room and they had to call in a plastic surgeon to repair his ear. It cut through the ear into the skin of his skull beind it. LOVELY! Ever since that day my pop has refused to assist in any more of my moves.

So, thankfully I have the greatest boyfriend in the world to help me. He moved most of my stuff all by himself! (What a man, what a man, what a might good man!!) I don't remember if I posted this or not, but he gave me some extra incentive to lose the weight I'm trying to lose. I want to lose 50 lbs by Christmas (I'm starting NutriSystem on Monday, 6/5) so he said, if I lose the 50 lbs by New Years Eve that he will take me to Mazatlan Mexico for a week. I'm all about a trip like that. I have incentive now to lose even more! This is my last attempt to lose weight before I go seek bariatric surgery which I truly do not want! I'm hoping, with exercise and this NutriSystem diet I will stick like glue to, that I will lose even more than 50 lbs by the end of teh year, like maybe 70! But, in a year's time I hope to have lost at least 100 lbs. I'm that much overweight. I'd like to lose 120 lbs actually. My PCOS and stress galore from so much that has gone on in my life the last few years have packed on the pounds! It's a lot of weight to carry around. I can't weight to get in shape and feel better! Now I have even more incentive to do so with this trip!!! Woohoo!

Speaking of the BF, D is in our hometown (where KB lives just 10 miles from) this weekend. He went for his daughter's graduation and to bring her home with him for two weeks. He's managed, in one day, to see a lot of family, go out to dinner with friends, see his step daughter and go shopping for his cousin's 2 year old daughter's birthday. Now he's spending time at that party with more family. Busy boy!

His divorce from his 2nd wife FINALLY came through yesterday. She is apparently queen of procrastination. She likes to do things the easy way and in her own time. When she weighed in at 280 lbs (strangely healthy too) she just scheduled gastric bypass surgery and dropped 160 lbs in a year. She doesn't like to put any effort into anything apparently. D says she has Borderline Personality Disorder. Nugget Maven has a family member with this disorder so she knows what D went through for six years with this woman and that, ultimately, she kicked him out for a new man who would kiss her ass even more than D did.

The world is full of fucked up people.

Anyway, tomorrow, while he's in our home town, he has to go gather his remaining posessions he left at her house before he left town last year. I know he wasn't looking forward to seeing her again. He has some mixed emotions about her. Hopefully, the divorce and seeing her happy with someone else, will bring ultimate closure to this relationship for him. I don't think he's had much since they split. Like I said, she has BPD and she's a counselor for behavior disordered teens so she knows how to manipulate and play with peoples' heads. Nice girl huh?

Damn, it's after 2PM and I haven't eaten yet. I gotta git some chow in my belly! Not sure what the hell I'm gonna eat. I'm staying in someone's house while they're gone for the weekend and I don't want to eat their food. Since tomorrow is my last day prior to starting NutriSystem I think I'll eat whatever I want! We have a Backyard Burger down the road and it rocks like HELL! I love their burgers! To DIE for. Really. But, we'll see. I may just go for a sub sandwich from Lenny's. I can at least attempt to eat healthier there.

Later on!

Random B.S.

2006-06-02T14:55:00.000-05:00

I almost fell asleep driving to work today. It was crazy. Probably because I got way baked last night with the BF and then got up way early this morning. It was so hard to keep my eyes open! In fact it felt like I had one eye up on my forehead and the other down on my cheek. It was a weird, sleepy, exhausting feeling!

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My little Parson (Jack) Russell Terrier, Phoebe, thinks she's the alpha female when she's around other dogs. But only when it's female dogs. Around bigger male dogs, she's all cute and twitches her little furry ass for the big boys. But a bigger, female dog??? She forgets she's only about 10-15 lbs and tries to kill! Goes straight for the jugular each time.

The last two nights she's fought with this neighbor dog, Abbey. Abbey is 3 times the size of ole Phoeb's, but Phoebe hasn't seemed to figure it out yet. She went straight for Abbey a second time and myself, D and Abbey's owner had a difficult time separating them. Phoebe ended up with some deep puncture wounds the first night that bleed like a motherfucker. Didn't deter her though. The next night she was rearing for more punishment. I love her to death but this aggressiveness toward other female dogs makes me tired. She's adorable, but can be one ferocious lil' bitch!

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Tonight I'm going to a friend's house to hang since I'm alone for the weekend. We're gonna sit around drinking Corona Lites and, hopefully, laugh our asses off with some potent 420! I love having a girls 'evening-in' sometimes. Tomorrow we're going out for cocktails. You'd think I could stay home by myself for a night. What a big baby I am. I can't even stay home alone for one evening! I can sleep by myself all alone in that house, no problem. Guess I'm just not one for boredom. I haven't had the luxury of boredom for way too long!

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Gotta run, I'm leaving work now. I'm not ready to jump into traffic, but I don't have a choice. Too much traffic in ATL. I love this place, but I could SO live without the traffic.

Later taters!

My achy breaky back and asshat attorneys.

2006-06-01T15:21:00.000-05:00

Yah, we're still not moved in and it looks as though this may not happen today either. The damned attorneys keep fucking everything up. They forgot one document and we were told that they would get it this afternoon, but there wouldn't be any attorney's available. Two days we've been supposed to close now.

WHAT-THE-FUCK-EVER

I don't know how much more moving and picking up heavy shit my poor back can take.

If I die somebody please take care of my blog! *cheesy, sorrowful, pouty look*

Love ya'll! Chat you up soon!!

Where does the time go???

2006-05-29T10:43:00.000-05:00

It's sad, the last time I posted was May 24th. I don't have an internet connection right now though. I'm posting this from my parents' house. I will have one on May 31st, the day we close on our house and move in.

TWO MORE DAYS!!!

YIPEE!!!!

So, I'm sorry I've not written, especially because I don't think I have anything really exciting to tell. I'm one boring biatch.

I CAN tell you that I really love my new job, regardless of the fact that I have to drive 33 miles one way. I don't mind the drive, it seems to fly by. Very strange to me because I hated the 13 mile drive to my other office when I worked for Sprint Nextel. I guess it's the newness of it all.

My parents are technologically challenged on just about every level. That's why I'm at their house. I'm trying to figure out why their printer won't print. I've gone through all the trouble shooting, but to no avail. It appears that their printer is caput! Pop is heading to Best Buy to find a new one. I'm sure I may be called back in to install this new one. Like I said, technologically challenged!

Well, it's Memorial Day so I need to get running. I have some stuff to do today. Not necessarily stuff I want to do, but just things that need doing. So, sorry I didn't give any interesting stories or have anything interesting to write about that has NOT happened to me. I'm boring these days. But the good news is that I'll have four days to myself to blog after I move into the new house because the BF is heading to our hometown in IL to pick up his daughter to bring her back here. It's her highschool graduation and he's going for that, plus to pick her up and to bring back all the crap he left at his ex-wife's house. Should be a semi-decent/sucky trip.

But, the best part? He's bringing back two Paglia's pizzas!! We're from a small college town and Paglia's is in our blood. I love their pizza. They have a patent on their sauce. It rocks. He's bringing back their house special and their supreme or ultimate...can't remember what it's called, but I'm looking forward to it! I asked him to bring back a container of their sauce and some of their tortolini too. That shit rocks as well. I would tell him to bring their spaghetti but I can make some fucking spaghetti. I also asked him to bring back some house dressing. They make it themselves and it is the bomb! It sucks that I'm wanting this stuff, but I'm about to start Nutri-System so I gotta get the bad carbs cravings out of my system before I begin. D promised me a trip to Mazatlan Mexico if I lost 50 lbs by Christmas. His incentive, because he knows I really want to drop all my weight, but get side- tracked at times. I'm so game for Mazatlan!

Okay, I'm outtie.

Later kids! Enjoy your Memorial Day!

More random shit from a (temporarily) random poster!

2006-05-24T08:30:00.000-05:00

Wow, I can't believe how long it's been since I posted anything! I've been busier than a one armed paper hanger! I know, that sounds goofy. It's from Steel Magnolias. KB, can you tell me which lady said that line?

KB and I can recite most of the lines from that movie. We are idiots that way. It's almost embarrassing. It's been years since we lived in the same home town and would laugh our butts off while reciting lines back and forth. Yup, dorks...that's us.

I moved all my SHIT into storage, after getting rid of a a bigger load of SHIT...things I was ready to throw out and give up. Though, the BF said to hold on to the stuff that was worth selling in a yard sale. We've decided that sometime this summer we're going to have a large yard sale and sell our two sets of living room furniture and my dining set. We want to get new stuff for the new place. We're freakin' excited!

SOOOO tired from moving. I'm BEAT. So is D, and he had to take off for Chattanooga as soon as we moved my stuff into storage on Sunday. He just got home last night. Poor guy.

Poor me...I ended up with a migraine about 8 o'clock that night. I swallowed a handful of painkillers and turned out the lights and buried my head under the pillows. Didn't get much sleep, but thankfully I had taken Monday & Tuesday off. I had planned to go with D to Chattanooga, but had way too much to do for our move. I got most of it done, but still have a few things to do.

***********************************************

Okay, I rarely use the dry cleaner, but I did the other day, had all my winter sweaters cleaned and a few work things. DAMN! It was $72!!!! That's a friggin' racket! I should have just handed them the lube and bent over.

***********************************************

I was listening to my favorite radio station, DaveFM, on my way to work this morning and they were talking about the truancy problem in the city of Atlanta, specifically Gwinnett county where I live. Apparently there were over 2100 kids with more then 10 unexcused absences in the last semester (I'M FUCKING HOT FLASHING RIGHT NOW!! ARRRRGH!!!). My son was one of those 2100 kids. He has emotional issues and was giving me all sorts of grief in the mornings. He just wouldn't get out of bed. I tried everything and finally took him to the doctor, talked to his counselor and eventually put him in a treatment facility for severe depression.

The people who were calling in were talking about how the state takes away the drivers licenses/permits of these kids. My son's permit was suspended. They were saying how it was lack of parenting or bad parenting that was causing all of this behavior. I was so pissed I was seeing red. Some people were decent enough to say that it was different for each child and that bad parenting or lack of parenting couldn't be attributed to each case, but I was still pissed.

I have agonized over this issue with my son and his depression was deep and dangerous. I was with him all the time trying to be the best parent I know how. Maybe I'm not the best parent, but I do the best that I can. I love my kid more than life and I just want him to be a good person, a good citizen, the best man he can be. It is just so wrong of people who either don't have kids or don't have a child with a biological/phychological issue to sound off on this issue. It's not always parenting, it's often times the child. My parents were great parents. Conscientious, loving, supportive and available to us whenever we needed them. But, my little sister had emotional, pyschological issues. Severe depression, anorexia, paranoid schizophrenia. She was a mess, and she made my parents' lives a living hell.

My parents had the same problems with her that I'm having with my son. Depression is hereditary. I, myself, suffer from clinical depression and take Lexapro, but it doesn't rule my life by any means. I'm not even close in the severity that my sister suffers from or my son. His has been significant. But he is now on Lexapro and is doing much better. He's happier, he cut his long as hell hair off, shaved his mutton chops (thank GOD!). He's a different kid since he went thru the therapy and is on Lexapro. I couldn't have asked for a better change!

So, to all those folks who think if a kid is truant it's the parent's fault, think again. Ask questions. Find out the issues the parent and child are facing. It's not always the parent's fault.

Okay, done with that issue...moving on...

**********************************************************

I'm about to start Nutri-System. Has anyone out there tried it? If so, did you get good results? I'm insulin resistant and a PCOS sufferer. I'm hoping this will work for me. I'm running out of options. I cannot lose weight for any significant amount of time. I might lose up to 22-25 lbs, then I just stop. With all the meds I take (and new ones getting added here and there by my docs) the weight doesn't stay off. It comes back. This time Lupron therapy added back the 25 lbs I lost last summer. I've done Weight Watchers, Diabetic diets, gone to Curves, LA Fitness, dieticians, done Atkins, South Beach, the list goes on and on. I've been overweight for the last 9 years and it's really taking a toll on my body. I am trying Nutri-System as a last attempt before I try bariatric surgery. I don't want to do it, but I need to maintain my health and I'm a candidate for it. I'm thinking nothing too drastic, like the lapband, but like I said. LAST RESORT.

Has anyone done the Nutri-System diet and had success?

****************************************************************

Ok, I'm going to get back to work now. I've been blogging since, right now, I don't have a connection at home while I'm living with the BF in his teeny, tiny, itty, bitty studio apartment. I have lots to do to get our utilities and whatnot set up. Apparently I have been tasked with this. Why is it always the woman who has to do the phone work? I shouldn't complain. In fact, I should be ashamed. D did almost ALL the heavy lifting and moving of my furniture and boxes into storage. This is the VERY least I can do. He's the best boyfriend/mate I have EVER had. Bar none. I am SOOOO lucky. Really!

*****************************************************************

Later taters!

No surprises here

2006-05-17T21:02:00.000-05:00

I think we all are not surprised that Elliott got the axe tonight.

What was surprising was how freakin' close each one was with the American voters!

Elliott got 33.06% of the votes. The next one above him got 33.26% and the leader got 33.68%.

That's nuts.

But someone had to go home.

My prediction: Taylor will take the win, simply because he's got a uniqueness and likability factor about him that Katherine just hasn't mastered. Who knows if she will

I can't believe I watched it with so much shit left to pack!

I'm a fucking procrastinator!!!

Faster, Faster, FASTER!

2006-05-16T05:16:00.000-05:00

I started my new job yesterday.

I hit the ground running. MSC, the former employee of the same company I worked for is the one who hired me to be her Operations Manager for my new company. It's a small company, just the way I like it! Working for my old company, Sprint, I got lost in sea of 70K employees. I was a number, not a name.

Anyway, MSC has already got me set up in meetings every day this week. I'm sure I'm going to be worn out, what with packing to move my stuff into storage this weekend and a trip to Chattanooga at the beginning of next week and then moving all my stuff into our house on May 31. I have to clean my apartment over Memorial Day weekend, which should be fun. I have at least a 1000 nail holes to fill. My son used nails to put up a gazillion pictures on his wall. Brainiac. He'll be doing most the filling!

So, I really doubt I'll get to blogging much unless I get a moment at work, which doesn't seem likely. I have two positions to fill immediately and job descriptions to write for four. Plus a program we're running I have to write a report on for a customer. Beside all the meetings I already have scheduled for the week.

Crazy!!!

Like I said, hit the ground running.

Random Spewtum

2006-05-14T20:52:00.000-05:00

I'd like to thank Nugget Maven for sending me to the most vile photo I've seen in a long time. I cannot get this image out of my mind!

I hope that I haven't ruined ya'll's Mother's Day with such a horrific site! I'm sure many of you nurses have seen worse.

I bought my mother "The DaVinci Code" for Mother's Day. Believe it or not she hasn't read it yet, but she can't wait to see the movie. Of course, she and my father will wait until it comes to DVD to watch it. So, I figured I'd get her the book to prepare her for the movie so she has some deeper knowledge of what is happening that they can't fit into a two hour movie.

Is there anyone else in America who hasn't read this kick ass piece of fiction? I thought the book was great. I have read all of Dan Brown's books and he is one great fictional writer of the thriller genre! The research he has to do to write such detail would wear this chick out! I don't know if I'd be able to do it. Anyway, kudos to Dan Brown.

If you have read the book, who here thinks that Tom Hanks just doesn't fit the physical profile of Robert Langdon? I imagine a taller, blonde, late 30's or early 40's actor. Though I'm sure Tom Hanks will play the shit out of the role, I just keep picturing Robert Langdon as a Jeff Daniels looking guy, only better looking.

Who would you put in the role of Robert Langdon if you had to cast him in "The DaVinci Code."

Okay, I'm out of time, gotta go to the BF's house. He's closer to my new job, which I start tomorrow, and we want to watch Tivo'd Survivor Finale so I gotsta run!!!

Later friendlies!

Hurry Up and Wait!

2006-05-13T13:08:00.000-05:00

Damn, it's raining outside today. Rain always makes me feel gloomy and tired. I do love the rain on a summer day on a lazy afternoon, but today is not a lazy afternoon for me!

In truth, I am exhausted after the BF wore my ass out last night! WHEW! That man knows how to turn me inside out!

But today, I need my energy. I'm supposed to be packing and cleaning, but I cannot bring myself to do it!

What is wrong with me? I know I'm on a deadline, but I just can't force it!

I think I am a waste of human flesh sometimes. I guess I'm just lazy, but the task ahead of me seems so daunting. Considering where my stress level is I guess I just keep pulling back from the task at hand.

I'm a pack rat.

That, dear friends, is the problem. Why this task IS so daunting to me.

I am getting rid of everything I don't need.

If you are also a pack rat you know that getting rid of things is hard because you always imagine you'll need something down the road and try to hold onto it.

Inevitably that always seems to be what happens to me.

But, I'm going to just do this and fughettaboutit!

Hopefully, my next post will be about how much work I've done and that I'm either done or nearly done.

Pray for a procrastinating bitch!

Now I Lay Me...Wait, That's HIS Job.

2006-05-11T21:27:00.000-05:00

Today I left my job.

What a friggin' load off my mind!

Now I just have to get us packed and moved by May 31st, but I need to get out of my apartment at least a week before that.

We have a trip to Chattanooga planned next Sunday thru Tuesday for D's work. I really should stay home, but we haven't had a trip together for a while. I may have to prioritize the packing/moving over the trip, but D can't. It's a convention for him. He has to go...I was kind of looking forward to laying by the pool too!

Well, I'm just happy that we have a place to live and things will start slowing down in about 2 weeks. D is bringing his daughter back for a couple of weeks before she starts college this fall. He and I have not shared with either his daughter or our son that either exists. J doesn't know yet about D being his biological pop and his therapist believes now is not the time to tell him. He thinks we should wait a couple of weeks or so.

So, I figure waiting may piss J off. I may be wrong, but he already loathes me so it isn't going to really hurt our relationship any. I just don't want to deal with ugly fighting and dramatic, teen angst!!

Okay, I'm about to pass out at my pc. I think I gotsta bolt to my boudois so that I may rest my sleepy head upon my fabulous pillow so that I may dream of my 90 inch HDTV and being ravished by my sex hound BF.

YUMMY!

Tootles my lovelies!

House shopping....Done.

2006-05-10T21:43:00.000-05:00

The title says it all. We found an amazing deal on a 4BR, 3BA house with a media room that includes a 90 inch projection HDTV flat screen t.v. The freaky part is that this house just went on the market yesterday. We act fast, huh!

The one catch, I have to drive farther to my new job. I'll be on the road at least an hour to get to work each morning. I'm going to try to negotiate a work from home day, maybe two, simply because the drive is at least 12 miles farther than it would be if D and I lived in his little apartment.

I'll live, no complaints. I'm just glad we have a plan of action!

Forgive me as I'm sure there will be a few gaps in my posting and commenting as I begin a new job and try to pack my apartment up and move out this weekend as my lease is up and then move into the new house by May 31. I promise to be much more productive in my blog visiting and posting once May has commenced.

Can't WAIT for May to commence!!! I could use a breather.

More changes! Holy Hell!

2006-05-09T20:06:00.000-05:00

Okay, now, instead of trying to get into a rental by the end of May, we are trying to buy a house and close on it by June 1st.

How.

Fucking.

Insane.

That means we have to find a house and put a bid on it and have it accepted by Friday....OF THIS WEEK!!!

Stress? Oh yah, it just got ratcheted up several notches at once.

Holy hell!

How about some cheese to go with that whine???

2006-05-07T11:57:00.000-05:00

I have to start this post by apologizing to all my blog pals. I have been so busy and overwhelmed by my life lately and have had a difficult time posting let alone commenting on my favorite blogger’s posts. I have been remiss and I must tell you all that it is SO not personal and to please forgive a bitch for having way to fucking much on her plate!

Here’s a quick run down so you understand where I’m coming from and will, perhaps, forgive this biatch!

Had to put my kid, J, into a partial hospitalization treatment program for severe clinical depression and drug abuse (marijuana to be exact). He was using to cope with his depression. We were not getting along at all and he was refusing to go to school and flunking out. So, I’m withdrawing him from school this week while he works this program all day, every day.
Just found out that D (my boyfriend) really IS my son’s birth father. Long story, but by process of elimination between the 3 different boyfriends I had (Didn't date them all at once, but I know it sounds like I'm a HO!) during that time in college, he came out the loser in the baby daddy lottery. Or maybe winner. Guess it just depends on how you look at it. Anyway, he’s about to end his child support obligation to his daughter’s mother as she turns 18 next month. J turns 16 next month as well. I don’t know if I'm going to insiste that he pay child support at this time because we are moving in together very soon so it might work out for all of us and save us all money in the end as well as help them develop a relationship, which currently doesn’t really exist (I'll insist on some arrangement, just not sure what yet). D is afraid to put all of this on J while he’s working through his issues, but I wonder if it wouldn’t help him to know that he has a dad who is interested in actually becoming his DAD. I'll be speaking to his psychiatrist about it later this week, but I’m open to opinions on this one people…speak up…PLEASE.
I am starting my new job a week from tomorrow (Monday). I have SO much shit to wrap up with my accounts and my work that I don’t know if I’ll get it all done by Thursday which is my last day of work. The good news is that I’m apparently loved by all at my office as they are all very unhappy that I’m leaving (I am comic relief as well as “one of the boys” with my guy pals at work). My co-worker Mike has set up a big Bon Voyage luncheon on Wednesday and invited everyone on our floor as well as the department and about all but 3 people have RSVP’d. I predict that I will cry like a frickin’ baby.
I was supposed to be moving out of my apartment and into D’s this weekend, while moving my son into my parents house for the summer, where he requested to stay to get some space from me. I am just in the beginning packing stages because I’ve been so damned busy, but I’m trashing a ton of stuff. I’m not moving stuff into storage that I will never look at again. I plan on moving light! My dad is having a hissy because I’m just starting to pack. He has NEVER packed my stuff for me or even helped pack, but he has helped me move, just not the last 3 or 4 moves. I don’t know what he’s freaking out about. He’s not involved at all and I don’t plan on involving him. Now things have changed. Long story, but some 21 year old girl is staying in D's landlord's spare room which is adjacent to D's room/studio apartment. His daughter was going to stay there in 3 weeks when she comes to visit, but now, with this 21 year old party girl who is OH SO NOT BRIGHT staying in that room too, we are going to have to find a house ASAP to move into before May 31 when I am to be completely out of my apartment. We have a great prospect about 3 doors down from the house he lives in now, but now we I won't be saving money for the summer. Really no need since I won't be moving into a place of my own with J. I guess the universe works in mysterious ways. Still, lots to do before the end of the month!

Okay, that’s all happening this week, J is already in the treatment program though (he started last Friday).

My back still is hurting, but it’s getting better I think. I’m sure it’ll be a helluva lot worse while I move this weekend. J & D are going to have to move the heavy stuff, there’s no way I’ll be able to lift the heavy things with my back and shoulders in such sorry fucking shape. I went to the doctor on Thursday and she’s testing me for everything under the sun. I’ll find out Monday if I have anything that might be causing this pain. I would love to have a diagnosis of something that is easy managed or cured. So far, I’ve not been that lucky with PCOS, diabetes and Adenomyosis. All diseases without cures, except Adenomyosis can be cured with a hysterectomy. We’ll see if I go that route in the next few months as May is my last month under the Lupron therapy that has put me in temporary menopause to control the pain of Adenomyosis. Truly what is probably causing my pain is my mattress that is almost as old as J, as well as massive amounts of stress from work and the fact that I'm one chunky monkey. My weight would put stress on anybody's bones/joints/muscles. I have tried every diet and exercise program out there and I have not been consistently successful. I'm thinking I may have to go the gastric bypass route. I'll keep you updated on that one.

Gawd! I am such a whiner!!! I hope to fix that sitch very soon too. I do not like being a complainer, but I wanted ya’ll to know that I was NOT ignoring anyone, on the contrary. I have just had so much on my plate to deal with and now I’m blogging about it. I need to find something fun and exciting to blog about.

I suck.

In case you were wondering, this is what I feel like...

in scrambled peices....

Ah, The Joys Of Being Me

2006-05-04T03:06:00.000-05:00

So I'm back at my desk with my old friend 4:00 AM staring me in the face. I don't know what it is about me or 4AM that it loves me so much. This is the time I wake up in the middle of the night each time I end up awake for an hour or so. I don't know why. Freaks me out to say the least.

I don't know what to talk about tonight. I've had a few things happen in my life these past few days. I'm over stressed and exhausted from all the goings on. I put my notice in at work last week, but I'm not allowed to tell my most hated customer. The sales manager for this account wants it kept on the DL from them. She had to hire a new account manager and he doesn't start until the Monday after I'm outtie. I guess she doesn't want them freaking because I've been putting 150% toward their needs (the fucking bastards are NEEDY) and they won't get that with anyone else. That, my friends, is a guaran-fucking-tee. My reputation at work is stellar, and I'm not tooting my own horn. I'm known as the "go-to gal" at work. By EVERYONE. People I don't know in our huge ass company (60K employees) call me and say, "I hear your the one who can tell me how to do X, Y & Z for this customer). Oh yah. That's a daily occurrence. I have had to learn how to do just about everything in my position on a trial and error basis. God forbid anybody else just figure it out for themselves. Nobody fucking helped me. Okay, that's not true. I have a great friend in Denver who is on our IT reporting team and he rocks like nobody's bizness. He is MY "go-to guy" when I absolutely cannot build a query to get account or reporting details I need. The database I'm allowed to use is limited, but I do miracles with that bitch. However, there are times when my buddy Jimmy comes to my rescue and pulls a friggin' miracle outta his sweet, gay ass. He is the MAN! It's true dudes, you don't have to be straight to be THE MAN! He is definitely THE MAN.

I have been to the chiropractor, the massage therapist, and my PCP in the last 3 days. I am in so much pain with my back, and my shoulders. The ball joints in my shoulders have begun to sound "crunchy" and "crackley" when I move my arms. My mid and upper back between my shoulder blades and my lower back hurt so fucking bad that I'm crying more than I'm not from the pain. My PCP gave me some painkiller I've never heard of. I forgot to ask her for an anti-inflammatory and she didn't offer. I think that would help just as much as a painkiller at this point. Anyway, I told her all of the symptoms I've been experiencing and she's testing me for every autoimmune disease and anything else she can think of. I personally think I have fibromyalgia. I have about 90% of the symptoms that comprise the disease. All I know is that my musculoskeletal pain is getting to me. BADLY. I am always in pain. I get up in the morning more tired than when I went to bed the night before. My feet hurt so bad when I get out of bed and I can hardly walk. Forget about standing up straight when I get out of bed...I walk like an 80 year old woman. That lasts for about 10 minutes, then I am able to move somewhat more easily. But my back hurts continually through-out the day. It's EXTREME pain too. I'm working while I deal with it, but I'm seriously about to lose it. I'm almost to the point where I'm ready to admit myself to the hospital for exhaustion and testing and a BIG break from work. I start my new job on May 15th. I hope my doc can figure out what is wrong with me before that and get me started on some drug therapy or some physical therapy that will make me feel a shitload better by then, or at least start me on the road to better health. At this point, I'm considering some radical things to make myself feel better (more on that in a couple of weeks).

On a more, disgusting note. I've been trying to teach my kid a few lessons about cleaning up after himself, but the shit backfired on my ass. I refused to wash his dishes or put them in the dishwasher. I want him to do it for himself. He's turning 16 next month so it is ridiculous to me that he considers me his MAID to do everything for him. So, I stopped cleaning up after him for the last week.

Big.
Mistake.

I had to clean up the shit tonight, because he didn't touch it. The dishes got MAGGOTS on them and I FA-REAKED! I almost vomited while cleaning everything up. Now I feel like I have creepy crawlies all over me! It's not such a lovely feeling.

I would NEVER have cleaned it up if it hadn't gotten so bad, but I cannot live that way. When he saw the maggots he bolted out of the kitchen and acted like he was scared of them. I told him I would expect his 110% cooperation going forward on all cleaning duties and that I'd better not find any dishes lying around either in his room or my kitchen sink or I'd put them in his bed. How fucking disgusting! He also is supposed to be cleaning his room on a regular basis and his bathroom too. He is supposed to do his own laundry, but he's learned that if he doesn't have any clean underwear he can't go to school. I advised him that, clean underwear or not, he would be going to school. NO excuses. He wouldn't let me into his bathroom to clean it when I knew he had not (we're moving and I'm trying to get things clean and orderly before we move) He kept saying "I'll clean it, I'll clean it." I kept saying "fine, clean that bitch before I get my hands on it." I found out why he didn't want me in there...accidentally of course. His room was locked and I couldn't get him to answer the door. So I got a bread knife to unlock the door, but he wasn't in his room. It appeared he was in his bathroom, the light was on and the door was closed. I knocked and knocked, but no answer. I started to get concerned so I used the bread knife to unlock his bathroom door hoping I wouldn't find him passed out on the floor with his wrists slit or anything else I was SO not prepared for. Thank goddess, no kid at all, but I came face to face with a nasty-ass bathroom and a plant on the back of his toilet with a light shining down on it. Did he have a school experiment I was unaware of? A green thumb he was nurturing? Wait, that isn't....no fucking way...it can't fucking BE....OH, that little shit!! Yep, it was pot. My 15, almost 16, year old kid has been growing a fucking pot plant in his bathroom. Yep, this mother was clueless. I thought he was just embarrassed by how dirty it was and didn't want to hear me bitch at him for that. I'm an idiot. A Total. Fucking. Idiot. Say it with me.

Total.

Fucking.

Idiot.

Needless to say, I have taken control of that situation, but I'm still not in complete control here. My son is slovenly and very much a slacker. I did not raise him to be a loser. I worked hard with him to try to get him to be a responsible person and stay away from drugs, alcohol and hoochie mamas. We talk often about the importance of doing the right thing and about his future. I'm not about to let my kid become one of those bachelor's who NEVER do dishes or clean up after himself. He'll never get a girlfriend/wife if he doesn't start taking responsibility for his own hygiene beyond his body. Plus, I don't want to have a 30 year old living with me who has no job, no prospects, no education. I'm gonna have to do the tough love thing with him.

I don't think he's going to graduate highschool. He's failing everything because he refuses to go to school and he won't do the makeup work. He's turning 16 in June so, legally, he can quit school and not go back in the fall. As much as I hate to do this, (I'm so tired and so exhausted and my health seems to be failing me) I'm going to offer him a solution to both our problems. Take the GED and then A) Join the Navy or Airforce, or B) move out and find his own job/own place ASAP because I am NOT supporting his ass if he has no ambitions to actually have a life with a future that does not include his mother supporting him.

Do I sound like an unreasonable mother? I don't fucking think so and neither would you if you had to put up with his bullshit reasoning and disgusting hygiene habits. I'm fucking fed up. I don't deserve the shit I get from him when he knows the pain I'm dealing with and how stressed I am trying to wrap up shit with my current job, all the while working with my asshole customer who won't let up, not for a minute. I'm working 12 hour workdays and it's going to put me into an early grave, but he's also an accessory to that. I refuse to be my like my parents, taking in my little sister, pretty much her entire life. She has lived on her own probably a total of 1 year of her 32 years. She did manage to get married to the biggest loser ever created, only to get pregnant with her second child as soon as she got married (if you don't have my baby you don't love me situation) and her first child was born to less of a loser, but still she's alone without his help other than child support garnished from his paycheck. My parents, in their retirement years now, have had my little sister and her two kids living with them for several years now. My sister doesn't drive (long story, but 2 DUI's and mental health issues are involved) and my mother, with horrible vein problems in her legs and other threatening health issues, takes care of her kids (who are now 14 and 9) while my sister works a low paying job. My mom has been chauferring my sister and taking care of her and her kids since all 3 were born. I refuse to do that for my son, J. I'm just not going to enable him to live his slovenly, lazy way in my home. As my pops always used to say, "it's my way, or the highway," and I fucking mean it.

It ain't happening anymore.

Okay, I'm done ranting for now.

Skirts so short your ass sticks to the pew in the summertime

2006-04-30T20:03:00.000-05:00

This morning D and I went to IHOP for breakfast. Tried to beat the church crowd so we went in around 10AM.

There were lots of families and groups waiting to be seated already, but many more were pouring in. I think my eyes bugged out of my head when I saw a hoochy mama dressed in her finest slut attire for church! A young Hispanic family walked into IHOP with 5, count 'em, FIVE children, all ranging in age from infant to 7 years of age. Busy couple! But, what really got me was that this woman walks in, her whole family dressed in their Sunday best, but what does this little mother decide to wear to church to worship? She had on a tight, hot pink, lowcut rayon/spandex shirt, a tighter, pink/black leopard print micro-mini skirt, but the capper was her "come fuck me" strappy sandals. Stilettos to say the least! Good GAWD almighty! I bet the old women cringe and the old men drool when this gal walks in. I'm sure she picked a nice, noticeable spot down front so she could make an 'entrance.'

I suppose it sounds as though I'm being judgemental. D, being ever on top of what I say, had to let me know that I was being judgmental when I mentioned her church attire. I responded that I would never go to church in something where my tits might fall out or my ass checks might show. The old biddies would have me for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, plus I could be excommunicated for showing my body in a manner in which to elicit impure thoughts! The HORROR! I also mentioned that it is disrepectful to fellow worshipers, especially the women who don't want or need their husbands checkin' out her goodies.

D is not a church person, nor am I. I grew up Catholic, but since I have gotten older and wiser, I have decided that church is for those masses who wish to give up a portion of their salary and believe in something they cannot prove exists. Sounds suspiciously like a cult or brainwashing doesn't it???

Strangely enough another hispanic family, this time with four children under five, came in a couple of minutes later and THAT mother was wearing a short, tight micro-mini in pink and black too, only, if I were this mother I would NEVER have been wearing that skirt! She apparently was still carrying a lot of baby weight in her belly cause it was pulling pretty tightly at that skirt. Now, as a big woman, I do not wear anything so tight that it shows any unsightly bulges. I don't wear tents or unflattering clothes, but I also don't wear stretchy, tight skirts and extra tight, low cut tops that reveal whether or not I'm feeling a breeze. I'll wear low cut, just not terribly tight.

Do I sound judgmental? I know I must. I'm just wondering how much the church has changed since I left it. The overwhelming of our country by the right wing, Evangelical Christo-Republicans (my dad coined that phrase) leads me to believe that the country is becoming more provincial and less tolerant of people wearing what they want, especially to church. Judging from what these two young mothers were wearing I would appear the opposite were true.

Now, I do not believe in organized religion. I suppose I do believe in a higher power, but because I grew up in the Catholic Church, I cannot fathom anyone wearing hoochy mama clothing to worship/mass. Come on! That's gossip fodder for sure. And it would surely merit a stern talking to from the priest or an angry nun, not to mention the old biddies giving you the stank eye or bearing their dentures at ya! Wearing that kind of clothing would make for a busy confessional after church. No doubt about it!

Let the women wear what they want. They're the ones who have to hear about it when it's all said and done. If I looked good in a short skirt I might consider wearing it to, not to church-if I went-but maybe out to a club or a party. I was just shocked to see "Your Sunday Best" be something out of Frederick's of Hollywood in this era of extreme, conservative Christian values currently overtaking our country.

Perhaps I'll try a social experiment and actually go back to church. I'll wear a short, tight skirt, with 6 inch hooker heels and a low cut, cleavage busting shirt. I can guarantee you I would be asked not to return unless I wear respectable clothing. 'Respectable' in the eyes of the church is a dress or loose skirt below the knees, loose fitting shirt up to the neck or collar bone, flat or low heeled shoes, perferrably close toed. Not kidding here. In my old congregation you do NOT show up in anything revealing. You'd be asked to attend in the outter lobby area where mothers with crying children are forced to sit so they do not disturb mass.

Is it any wonder why I don't belong to the Catholic Church anymore?

Jealous? Who? Me?

2006-04-27T22:50:00.000-05:00

I'm afraid I'm about to sound like a jealous girlfriend.

In one month D is going back to our hometown to gather his belongings from the home of his ex-wife. His things have been there a year. She's shacking up with some guy she cheated on D with. She's prego by this guy too. Nice slap in the face she gives to D. I know he still has some feelings for her regardless of her Borderline Personality Disorder and her relentless belittling of him.

I don't understand it.

Today he showed me a couple of pictures of her on the internet with this new man (not so new anymore). I haven't seen her for probably 12 years. She's not aging so well. She's a year older than me, but I don't think I'm aging as badly as she. I still look younger than 30. She looks like she's in her forties, at least around the eyes anyway. See? I probably sound jealous. Even if she wasn't D's ex I would still think she looks like she's not aging so well around the eyes.

I guess I wonder why he's with me. I'm a chubby girl, a single mom, I have some health issues (nothing life threatening at the moment). He says that he thinks I'm beautiful. Whatever. I guess my insecurities are coming out now that he's heading home to pick up his daughter from her mother (wife #1) and pick up the rest of his things from wife #2. I just wonder if he'll come back. What if bitch # 2 tries to convince him to stay? He says when she called him a few months ago to tell him she was pregnant by her BF it was simply to drive home the point that their relationship was through. I know it upset him. When they first got married six years ago they were trying to get pregnant, no luck though. Then she decided that she didn't want HIS baby at all (she told him she didn't want babies specifically with him) and made him get a vasectomy. He decided that was okay with him...no more babies. She was apparently having an affair. Two years into it she kicked D out and shacked up with her current BF in their home. D moved away because he couldn't be in the same small town, seeing them together as she rubbed the new BF (a large, fluffy guy) in his face. He moved to Vegas, shortly after that we reconnected, the he moved to ATL to be with me...the rest is history.

He says C (preggo ex-wife) would say he was reaching for the familiar by dating me. Whatever! We haven't dated in almost 16 years! We have a history that outlasts hers with his, at least timewise. But, she had his heart and then broke it. Just don't know if I'm the consolation prize. I would not want that to be true. I know if I ever find out that that is the case, I am soooo outtie. I couldn't stand the idea that I was someone that he "settled" for because he couldn't have her. I like to think I deserve much better than that. I know I do. I think I'm just projecting, or reaching, or reading too much into things. Come on psych majors! Help me out here!

Anyway, my insecurites are rearing their ugly head and I'm worried I'm going to do something stupid. My mouth spewing before my brain can stop it. I don't want to ask him what our future holds, I don't want to ask him if I compare to her (I worry that I don't on every level). I'm afraid that I'll say something stupid and incredibly boneheaded and start a fight. I don't know why I feel something coming..something brewing that I'm afraid of. It's all my doing too, or it will be. Gawd help me! I don't want to screw this up.

I'm serious! You pyschologist/psychoanalyst types....tell me what the fuck I'm doing and tell me how to stop! What should I be doing instead? I'm a loser I swear. I'm almost 36 years old and I'm about to screw up the best relationship I've ever had over my pitiful insecurities. I'm lame as a 3 legged dog!

I must say though. I'd rather be alone than be someone he's just biding time with. I can do the alone thing. I'm good at it. I enjoy it even. I guess this feeling right here is why I always hesitate to get into relationships. Either it's my insecurities or I have real reason to feel leary of the relationship. In this case, I just can't tell. He was very in love with her and she broke his heart. But, it's barely been a year since they separated and their divorce is not quite final yet. I just worry that, even though she's pregnant by this chunky keyboard player, that all she'll have to do is hint that she's even slightly unhappy and D will go running back, because C would have given him a speck of hope.

Do I sound so horribly insecure that I don't deserve a decent man???

Keep in mind, I've not brought up one of these thoughts to him. I'm not sure how to approach it. I don't want to start a fight over something that I could be totally off base about or could be insignificant, completely and totally. I could be wrong...flat out wrong. I just guess that my intuition has ALWAYS served me well so I can't ignore this gnawing intuitive feeling I have. I just know, if she gives him any hope, no matter how miniscule, that he will chuck me out with yesterday's garbage and race back to IL to "give it a second chance."

I couldn't handle it if that happened. This relationship with him has felt so right, for the first time ever. Now that he's going home to get his things (for only 3 days) I worry that things will change. Either he'll come back and decide that he's not ready for our serious relationship we find ourselves in, or he'll come back, only to pack up and move back home to wait for her to dump her fat boy after she has his baby.

I know. It sounds insane that I would think this way. My instincts tell me something is going to happen, I just don't know what. I guess that's why I keep speculating.

Since I'm having such paranoid thoughts, I'm planning on distancing myself from him as much as I can without breaking it off with him. Just until this trip of his is over. I think if I do that and he comes back to give me bad news it just won't hurt so much and break my already shoddily mended heart.

Oh well. Time will tell. I've been alone most of my life. I can keep on keepin' on the same way. I think my idea that I was not meant to be with anyone for any good length of time is not really an idea, but the way I'm supposed to live my life. I accepted that a long time ago and then D popped back into my life. Wham! I'm fucked, I swear. I hate opening myself up to this shit again. I may be way off base, but I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, like it always does.

Lord Save us. KFed has procreated AGAIN

2006-04-26T14:12:00.000-05:00

I think it's time to insist upon sterilization for Britney Spears, or may just KFed.

There's another bun in the oven, the spawn of Satan, er, I mean Kevin Federline!

I Need A New Look

2006-04-26T04:38:00.000-05:00

This is a call to arms! I need ya'll's help.

Is anyone else (besides me) tired of my blog design? I'm sick of seeing bagels and cookies and shit. I am ready to commission a blog designer. Any ideas? I love the idea of a retro look. The trailer trash thing is totally cool. I was thinking something along the lines of a retro-look Betty Paige dominatrix type thingy. Any takers on that idea?? Or maybe, because I AM the Divine Ms. M, perhaps a throne for my precious ass (way full of lard) to perch upon while I admire my haggard image in a hand mirror. Too narcissistic? Believe me, I'm not a narcissist, but I thought it might be fun to be a bad girl. Anyway, it's time for a change. Something that reflects the real me so I guess both of those ideas are ridiculous!

Some thoughts to ponder:

I'm busier than a mo-fo these days with work and getting ready to move in with the BF since my lease is up. Also trying to get pre-qualified for a home loan and house hunting.
My job and customer are making me crazy.
Got a great new job I'm starting in 3 weeks and I'm just chomping at the bit to start.
I'm a single mother of an almost 16 year old boy.
I am constantly on the run all over this damn city (to my dismay).
I have a little Parson Russell Terrier named Phoebe who has become the the little girl I never had. The dog gets babied by me like she was a REAL baby. I'm sick.
Clean? Who has time to clean? I'm lucky I get to shower each day, let alone keep my house in tip top shape.

Okay, my life is a tornado of activity and it is wearing me out! That being said, I'm thinking... me in a business suit, with a tornado for legs, with a bag of groceries in one hand, Phoebe in the other, then another hand/arm holding my ringing cell phone, another hand typing on a laptop, my hair blowing around, bags under my eyes from lack of sleep, and a sullen looking teenager in the background. Perhaps a shot of tequila just out of reach of yet another hand??? I would have to change my blog title too. I'm thinking my gravatar/icon could be a cartoon version of me with blinders on, sawing logs, getting much needed sleep!

Whatdya think?

A Sister Needs Some Sleep!!!

2006-04-25T02:52:00.000-05:00

Oy vey!! It's 3:50 AM and I woke up AGAIN! WTF?? Had a weird dream about an ex-boyfriend, possibly J's dad. Yes, it's between this one and D, my current BF. The dream I had was interesting. T, the ex in the dream, his wife HATED me. In real life, she is afraid I have designs on him, but I'm all about D. No worries for her there. But, this dream was strange. We had such a connection in my dream. Not sure if we would in real life. We haven't laid eyes on each other in about 13 years. I should know the answer to the paternity question on his side in about a week. Nervous doesn't even touch how I'm feelin' bout that! Truly, either T or D would be a great person for J to have as a dad. They've both said they want to be part of his life and develope a relationship. We'll see....

Okay, so I watched "24" tonight (BTW, I'm HOOKED), and I cannot believe the friggin' plot twists. For those of you who haven't been watching, Jack Bauer recovered a recording that implicates the current president in the assassination of the previous president. But, he gave it to save the life of his most recent ex-girlfriend. Now he's following the recording onto a chartered plane through the baggage compartment to get it back. DAMN, that show always reels me in so I HAVE to watch the next Monday. Thank Goddess for TiVo.

Tonight is "American Idol" and I KNOW several of you are watching. I've been watching since the 12 women and 12 men were picked. It was SO hard to watch the auditions. I can never do it. I get embarrassed for the losers who think they rock when they suck dick. So, I'm rooting for a couple of folks. I think if the American voters have any sense they'll keep Katherine McPhee and Elliot or Chris through the end. Katherine, by far, has the best, most controlled voice in the competition. She's not as exciting to watch as, say, Taylor Hicks, but his voice isn't that great, he's just a showman. I really like Elliot, but he's not as hawt as Chris, so I think we'll see Chris stay and be the last man standing with Katherine. BUT, so many people like Paris, but I just don't think she's as good a singer as KMcPhee. Don't get me started on Pickler. I know she's only made it this far on her cute, dumb, and likability factor, cause her voice sho ain't getting her anywhere! She's just not the caliber of singer that Catherine, Chris, or Elliott is.

Let me tell you how hard it is to keep a secret from the rest of my co-workers that I'm taking a new job. It BA-LOWS! I want to tell them, but I can't, not till I get my resignation in and a two-week notice given (I'm doing this on Thursday of this week). I'm going to be busier than hell after that. I'm already sort of working my new job, working with MSC on a couple of projects, but it ties in with my current job so it's not technically working for her yet. I'm still doing my job by working with her because her new company is providing a valuable service to us with my most hated customer who keeps me "busier than a one-armed paper hanger" (can anyone tell me where that movie quote came from and who said it? KB oughtta know it!). Still, I am SO looking forward to the new job! I'll miss my company, but I won't miss the fact that my customers abuse my kind and gentle nature (yes I am that way, ask KB) and take advantage of it continually. You see, I can't say no. D thinks that's why I get overloaded and fucked over at work. Yah, he's probably right, but I've been pushing back with my dickhead customer and they don't like it. They've taken it to the Sales Mgr and she's supporting me without truly supporting me. We've found a way to get the customer what they want, but for a fee. I won't have to provide specific ad-hoc reports (data they can get of the billing CD and billing flat file they'll be getting after their bill cycle ends) that they want me to manipulate the data so they only have to open the report and see what they want. So, IT will build the report for me, and because the customer didn't negotiate their reporting needs into their newly signed contract, we'll be charging monthly for them. HA! Take that Mr. ASS Customer. Try and fuck me into more work that isn't my job and I'll fuck you right back! Now, normally I would just do the work and end up working 60 or more hours a week to keep up with all of my customers' needs, but I just got fed up with being abused by this customer. I set a bad precedent early on with them by being on top of everything they asked for, but in the process, fucking my other customers by not being able to give them my attention...not much anyway. So, I've made it be known that I'll do the work, but in my own time based on the needs of all my customers. Plus, from previous posts, you'll note that this customer thinks every need is a fire drill and they needed it yesterday. Too fuckin' bad! DAMN I will NOT miss that customer!

Okay, you can tell I don't have any good stories to tell. I don't think I'm a born story teller like CP is. She has a much better memory than me, cause mine sucks. I think too much ganja ruined my short term memory! DAMN! But, I'm working on it and it's getting better, I think. Anyway, that's all I have to say in the middle of the night. I'm gonna try to get another hour or so of sleep before I begin the hellish ritual of trying to get my 15 year old son out of bed and ready for the school bus which leaves at 6:30. We BARELY made this morning. I drove him to the bus stop so he wouldn't be late and the bus was JUST pulling up. Amazing. Truly amazing how lazy and lackadaisical my kid is.

I gotta sleep a bit more!!! Later my favorite pals!

My Great Home Buying Debate....

2006-04-22T07:34:00.000-05:00

I'm house hunting.

Does anyone have any advice for a first time home buyer? I don't know if I'm going to buy ASAP or give it a few months. I am planning to live with D for a bit. Save some money, pay off some bills; in other words, get ahead. I don't mean give him head, okay I do mean that too, but I mean get ahead of the game! Minds out of the gutter people! Okay, I'll have to pull mine out too.

Anyway, I'm not sure what I really want. I am not planning on having more kids; J is almost 16 as it is! Also, D and I are not planning on getting married, just probably living together in blissful sin. You know non-married sex is always HAWTER than married sex because you know you're breaking a cardinal sin...not a mortal one for all you Catholics. I assume that the Catholic Church has emerged far enough out of the dark ages that they aren't stoning women anymore for having pre-marital sexual relations. I was raised Catholic and that never stopped me! I liked my sex dammit, from the very first time I had sex until this very moment. In fact, D nailed me good last night so I'm feeling euphoric!

Going back to what I want (mind outta the gutter, mind outta the gutter) I was thinking I might buy a town home or condo simply because I just don't see a reason to try to make the time to mow my lawn and do maintenance on the outside of my home if I don't have to. If I do buy, I hate moving so I would stay put for a quite a while. I just have no need for more room than a town home or condo would offer. J will be leaving the nest soon enough and I don't want to have to clean a bunch of empty rooms. What's the point? D, of course, thinks I should buy a house, however yesterday we drove by some lake condos that come with boat slips so he got all excited. I have an appointment to look at one tomorrow so I'm kind of excited myself! These condos are surrounded by tall trees so they are in the shade most of the time which means the heat wouldn't be so bad during the summer. I like that! It's hotter than the hinges of Hades in this state! The humidity is stifling! It's like walking into a wall of water when you leave the sanctity of your air conditioned home! Not pretty for people like me who straighten their curly/wavy mop of crappy hair. These lake condos also have lofts and fireplaces. They're two-story A-framish looking. Very funky. Kind of old, but I've seen pictures of the inside of them and they are sweet! Reasonably priced for a lakeside condo too! They're right on the lake! Most lake property sells for anywhere from $300K to over $1M. These condos are considerably less. Just under $200K.

If I don't like the condos by Lake Lanier I'm going to look in Alpharetta, which is West of where I live now, and just south of D. Some of the town home/condos I'm planning to look at are on the West side of GA400 (a NIGHTMARE of traffic on that road during rush hour) and my new company is just off 75N, North of the perimeter so I wouldn't have to take any highways to get to work and I'd be going against the flow of traffic. To that I say... Fuckin' A!!!

Wow, I rhymed!

D really wants me to look seriously at the condos by the lake because of the boat slips. He is planning on buying a speed boat. My thoughts are this. If I buy one of these condos and he wants to park his boat in my slip he better be movin' in with me. Strange...that sentence has a lot of innuendo in it and I didn't even mean it like that. I guess once you have a horribly dirty mind, like mine, you just sort of naturally speak in innuendo. Kinda cool, don'tcha think? Anyway, I could buy the condo without the slip, but he really wants a boat slip and if I buy it with the slip it raises the monthly payment by $200 if I lease with an option to buy. He says that's cheap. I say, shit or get off the pot in regards to the outcome of the condo/boat slip purchase and his desire for this slip...move in or move on. If I just buy it outright I don't know if it raises the price of the condo. Good question to ask I suppose.

Now, I'm not saying D has to marry me to use the boat slip. I could care less if I ever get married again after being married divorced twice before the age of 35. I just don't know if I want to legally bind myself to someone whom I may not make it into old age with. Then I'd have to go through all that legal shit again and I just loathe that process. D is in the same boat and feels the same as me. So we have talked about it and plan to move in together, eventually, so whatever I purchase, he will eventually be living in. That's why he would rather I buy a house, but because of the slip access he's kinda jonesin' for one of these condos. Got any money to contribute honey, especially if you're NOT living with me if I move into those lake condos?

Just to clarify, D is not in the market to buy a house at the moment. Long story, but he has to wait until his ex-wife refinances a second mortgage that currently has his name on it. She's having some legal issues getting his name off of the loan (long story). Once that is done he can buy too, but I think he's thinking we could get a place together rather than each purchase separate homes. In fact we've talked about buying together, but with this ex-wife/second mortgage situation still in limbo he's caught between a rock and a hard place.

Well, time will tell. Ultimately, it's my decision. I'm not basing it on what he wants. I learned a long time ago not to base my decisions on the possibility of anything, especially when it involves a man.

Can I hear an "AMEN" my sisters???

So, what's on your weekend agendas?

Bye Bye Old Job, Hello NEW!

2006-04-18T17:25:00.000-05:00

Okay, I did it. I accepted the new position with the new company I told ya'll about.

I decided that I had to make a change. I am SICK of my customers and all the overwhelming amounts of work I've had to do, not just for them, but for my job as well. Since my company merged EVERYone has been inundated with additional work and training and we're all very burned out.

So, I am leaving my safety net. I'm heading to a different company in a different part of town, giving up my home office for more money and a nice entry on my resume' that I would never attain working for my current company. It's just time to think about myself and my career rather than my comfort zone. I need the money and I think I'm going to LOVE this job! It has an actual career path that I don't have at my company. 70K employees pretty much make it nearly impossible to get a position in a different department. Everyone who hires usually has a candidate already in mind and just goes through the pretense of interviewing as a formality. WHATEVER!

Anyway, I am turning my two week notice in on May 1st. That's only a two weeks from yesterday! I have to stay to see a project through. No one else has worked as hard as I have and I just can't leave it in the middle. If something goes wrong, I've burned a bridge and I just don't want to burn ANY bridges.

I start my next job the following Monday after my last day at my old company. I talked to MSC today, who just left my company and now works for the new company and wants me to work with her. She told me they just ordered me a sweet laptop, all new office furniture, a new Blackberry and I can get whatever I need for my office in the way of supplies. I'm freakin!!!

It's real now.

Whoa.

I'm stoked!

Now, since I'm leaving my apartment, I'm also looking for a new place. I have plans to stay with the BF, but if I find something that really suites my needs in the right location I'm going to take it! I've got some good prospects. I'm not buying yet, maybe in a few months. I really want to pay off my credit cards before taking the plunge. Get rid of as many bills as possible!

So, a lot is going on. My head is spinning!

I've been TAGGED by Gidget!!!

2006-04-16T13:14:00.000-05:00

Ms. Gidget Bones tagged me today.

My ear sure hurts were it went through. I don't know if the blood dripping from it really compliments my complexion either.

Hmmph. Oh well.

Here's the rules!

1. Go write weird facts/things/etc. about yourself in my comment box and on your site, then tag six more people!

2. Then leave a comment that says "You are tagged!" in their comments telling them to read your site.

6 Weird Things About Me

I cannot eat raw tomatoes, but I will eat salsa. Go figure
My feet look like Barney Rubble's feet from "The Flintstones"
I had a mole in my belly button from birth that grew to be very large and raised. But when I got pregnant with my son, it started sticking out (I have an inny belly button) and eventually starting breaking off in peices until it was all gone. Now I'm mole-free there. Woohoo!
I had to have my jaw repositioned with a monstrous appliance when I was in grade school because I had a very bad overbite. Now I have a perfect bite. Every dentist I've ever been to has remarked on it. Kinda weird, but nice to know at least one thing about me is perfect!
My hair was straight until I gave birth to my son, now it spirals in the back and falls in waves on the sides. It sucks cause it looks stupid when it's curly so I have to straighten it to make it look decent, which also sucks.
I love British sit-coms. They kill me! I even go around speaking in a British accent after I have watched them! Freak? Yup, right here!

Okay, now that I've given you a bit of weird info on me, I'm tagging the following fellow blog buddies. I luv ya!!!

KB was already tagged so I have to skip her dammit! So, Maven, CP, Jerry, Lily, Mr. F
and NonGirlfriend, you all have been tagged!

Doh! I'm an IDIOT!!!!

2006-04-15T11:33:00.000-05:00

I have been one busy fucking bitch.

I have worked my fingers to the bone this week, going above and beyond to please my customer, trying to meet our contract signing deadline.

Sleep?

What's that?

I think I remember it...

Anyway; I made a stoooopid boo-boo this week.

Actually, it was yesterday, when I was supposed to have Good Friday off.
I composed an email in answer to some questions my customer (who has been runnin' my fat ass ragged these last two weeks) had regarding my company's reporting capability as to what we can provide versus what his company requires (commands, demands, no excuses bitch!) we provide them (translation: I provide them!).

Where my mistake occurred is that I composed my response to his email in 'reply to all.' But, then I decided to remove the customers' contacts so it only went to mine with a preface note saying "please read this. I'm burned out on this customer and I'm afraid my tone may be too harsh. Please tell me what changes should be made to make this email more professional/kind." But, the mistake came in that there was someone from my customer's company left in the 'CC' field.

HOLY

FUCKING

SHIT!

ON A SHINGLE!!!!!!!

WHAT HAVE I DONE????

Okay...

Breathe....

Whew! That's better.

I tried recalling the email the moment I sent it.

It didn't fucking work. Everyone I sent it to (including Mr. Customer) read the fucking thing.

I immediately placed a call to this 'CC'd' cat I mistakenly left on my email to explain that he wasn't meant to see it. The convo went sumthin' like this:

Me: Hi Guy (pseudonym). It's M from MyCo.

Guy: *chuckles* Hi M. How are you?

Me: Well, obviously, a little frazzled, I'm sure you know why.

Guy: yah, I just read your email.

Me: I'm SO sorry for the mistake. I'm a tad punchy after getting about 4 hours of sleep this week working on all the requested reports need before our contract deadline and, needless to say, I'm fried and worried that I'm wording my emails in a negative tone. I was requesting some assistance from my teammates to help me write it in a more positive light. I hope you don't think badly of me. I forgot to remove you from the CC. I was hoping to send a clean response that answered your boss's request without sounding bitchy or negative.

Guy: I know, he's a tough one. He makes demands on short notice. I know you've worked above and beyond on this one. Your email goes no further. I promise. I understand where you're coming from.

Me: I apologize. I've just been so focused on what I had to do, that I'm afraid I've burned myself out a bit.

Then I asked him some more questions regarding his boss's expectations and what may happen if I fall short? I really don't want this man to think I'm not competent because, so far, I've managed to do everything and then some on what they've requested.

This customer point of contact that I deal with (Guy's boss or ‘GB’) puts unreasonable time constraints on his requests. For example:

EMAIL:
4:55 PM (inevitably a Friday)
M,

I need a report on _______, _______, _______, and _______, including details on ______ and ______from ______ 2005 thru______ 2006 and I need it by COB (close of business) today! Please provide ASAP!

GB
HisCo

I get these types of emails DAILY. He expects me to read his email the moment I receive it and produce answers or reports within a few minutes. He also copies about 5 people, plus managers, so that he guarantees that I'm going to get him what he wants when he wants it.

Fucker.

I'm not kidding. I'm being completely LITERAL about his requests and the example above.
This man has NO idea what his request may require on my end to produce and complete at the level he wants to see.

WTF?????

I would be so much more amenable to his request if he simply asked me to provide him reports followed by a "Is it possible to get this report today?" or "when do you think you may be able to obtain these reports? Would it be possible to get them by COB today or some time tomorrow?"

Anyway, Guy gave me some advice on how to handle him. Basically, be a straight shooter.

I have been a straight shooter with this man (GB) thus far. However, I have learned not to promise anything by any specific date simply because I need to give myself ample time to produce a quality product for this man. He expects SO much detail that there are times when I am unable to get such information for him. Some of the detail that he requests is just not available. Not just to me, but it may not be something that other reporting teams can actually pull. His answer to my "That information is not available" reply is generally (GB is an older black gentleman who speaks in a deeply Southern voice) "You mean to tell me that you can't provide this information to me that I have been able to get from your competitor?" Seriously, he thinks that by throwing competitor threats at me with a question like that will cause me to bend over backwards to make it happen.

Well guess what? My own ego and reputation will not let me fail. This has become a serious character flaw!!!

I am STOOOPID because I end up making his shitty requests happen one way or another (Ego, remember?). Generally at the expense of my sanity and my normal sleep habits.

Oh, and at the expense of my son's needs as well. He's being somewhat deprived of my attention. Well, not really somewhat. He IS being deprived. I feel like I'm constantly telling him, "Not now, I'm working" for just about every request or question he asks me.

I have become GB's "beck and call" girl. I have set the worst possible precedent and expectation for him. That I will hand him the lube with a bowed head before he screws me in the ass.

OH HELL NO!

So, it's time for a change....

"What changes?" you ask???

Stay tuned on what changes I'm making! There is MUCH more to come in the next couple of days...I have exciting news (for me at least) that may entertain you!

Overworked, Underpaid, and Ready for the Cuckoo's Nest!

2006-04-11T05:44:00.000-05:00

I'm a dumbass from hell. It's 6:42 AM and I have to leave my house no later than 7 AM to get to the other side of the city by no later than 8:30 AM (wish me luck in traffic hell). My kid is supposed to be in the shower, but that doesn't appear to be happening. I have wet hair, no makeup and I'm not dressed.

I'm a slacker extraordinaire!

I've been working this morning because my week is filled with meetings and bullshit that is keeping me from doing my regular job. It's killing me. I have SO much to do and just NO time.

Ya'll ever feel that way? I'm literally drowning in reports and bullshit that I need to do, but cannot because I have these lame ass, pompous bullshit, executive level meetings I am required to attend so I can listen to the droning on and on of self congratulation and kudos to those that are not me (fuck).

I'm way over it all. I just need to do my job dammit!

So, I'm sorry if you don't see much activity from me this week. I've got way too much work today and then family to take care of besides. I'll be lucky if I get to take a whopping dump this week!

Please speak kindly to this way stressed bitch. Or tell me something funny to break up my hell week. I'm hoping I don't bite off some unsuspecting co-worker (or my kid's) head this week.

Goddess help me!

Die, You Gravy Sucking Pigs!

2006-04-08T18:11:00.000-05:00

I hate the leasing company who runs my apartment complex. They are sneaky, money grubbing, gouging bastards. And believe me when I say that, it is said with calm that is not felt.

I have already been pissed several times over the last couple of days when I think about my current issue with them.

I have turned in my intent to vacate letter for the end of the month of May. My lease is actually up May 22nd. Today is April 8th. I am late on my rent because I had a fine to pay. I notified them of this situation. No biggee. They put a note in the door letting me know the late fee and the date when more fees would be added if I didn't get it paid by then.

My rent is only $850 for a two-bedroom 3 bath apartment. It's a killer apartment. I love it. But, I hate this leasing company so much I decided to get out! Here's the real kicker though. The note they put in my door says my base rent for this month is $940. What I don't get is this: If my lease is not up and my lease states my rent is $850, how can they now be charging me a base rent of $940 plus a late fee? Also, they say that my rent will now be $1039 per month. Does that seem legal to you? It sure stinks to me.

In fact, I called up the business manager, AMANDA *cutesy snide inflection*. She, of course, had just stepped out of the office. I spoke to a nice Hispanic lady on the phone, she asked if I wanted to leave a message. You bet your ass I did!

I told her to tell Amanda to call me back ASAP and to also understand that my lease states my base rent is $850 and that is what I will be paying, plus the late fee which I know I will owe. I will not be paying $940 or more as base rent. That she MUST have made a mistake as these amounts were NEVER mentioned in my lease or otherwise.

I have heard nothing from her and I received this note yesterday afternoon. What a bitch. Does she think that I'm going to let this drop? HELL NO. I guarantee you that if I put the $850, plus late fee in the rent payment drop I will get it back in my door with a note saying it's not the full payment.

I refuse to pay what they are asking. It's extortion. Would you pay it? Does anyone know if this is legal?? My lease says nothing about raising the rent if I don't sign a new lease. I turned in my notice to vacate in on April 1. That gives me 60 days (till May 31), as required by my lease, to move. Come ON!! My lease doesn't say that if I don't renew my lease that they can bump me up BEFORE my lease is actually up!

I'm am seeing red. So sorry if I am just spewing acid and anger. Just pissed like a drunk Irishman.

Advise?

What Dat? Is Dat Delta Burke??

2006-04-05T00:42:00.000-05:00

Has anyone ever told you that you look like someone else? Someone famous? Someone not so famous? Someone you would rather not be compared to? Someone you are more than happy to be compared with?

Ever since I was 18 years old I have been told I look like Delta Burke. Our coloring is different, but the similiarities are still there. I don't see it right off the bat. Then I'll see a picture of her and swear it's me with darker hair and fairer skin. It's freaky.

I remember when the comparison first started. I was working as a waitress while I was in college and this busboy (a goofy art student) started calling me Loretta, then Priscilla, then finally settled on Delta (what's up with these funky names these women have?). I knew who the first two were, but had no idea who Delta Burke was. Little did I know that she would be someone who was to go on to bigger fame, bigger butt, then smaller butt, and somewhere in the middle she married Gerald McRainey.

Her showtime show "First and Ten" was the first comparison. She was the owner of a football franchise or something like that and supposedly beautiful. I never saw it so I had no idea who people were comparing me to. I just liked that part that they said, "she's beautiful" when they compared her looks to mine. I was like "cool!" I can totally handle the comparison.

It went on like that for a few years. She started 'Designing Women' and I thought she was great on that show. I still didn't really see the comparison that much. Certain smiles, certain looks I could see, just not all the time.

I remember one time I was working in this factory after my son came along, trying to stay in school and keep formula in the bottle. I was walking in as the 3rd shift was walking out and some smart ass chick made a snide comment..."Well it's Delta Burke!" She didn't say it like it was a good thing. I don't know why, I had no idea who this chick was. I just assumed that she was tired from her 3rd shift, ready to go home, a total bitch, and jealous that she was ugly. *L*

That was the first time anyone had said anything derogatory about my resemblance to Delta Burke. I wondered, "Is this a bad thing? Do I want to discourage people from this comparison?" That really was the only time anyone said anything negative. For the most part, people have really responded well.

It's very strange. EVERYone in my immediate family has been remarked upon, how they resemble someone famous. My little sister looks like Debra Messing. Skinny, red hair (not her natural color BTW). But she looks a lot like her at certain angles. I think my sister is much prettier though. My older sister has been compared to Brook Shields and Kirstie Alley. I see the comparison to both in her, but only occassionally. My dad has always been likened to Tom Selleck during his Magnum PI days. My friends swooned over him. Uh..gross girls! He's my DAD. My mother used to get compared to Elizabeth Taylor during the 60's and 70's, her heyday. When I was a little girl people used to tell my mother that I looked a lot like Elizabeth Taylor as a child. I had no idea what she looked like back then. I don't think I did, but what the hell?

So, it's weird. We apparently don't look like our own selves. Not sure how I feel about that. I would kind of like a bit of individuality myself. I'm a fatty so I suppose I have finally become my own person (or two).

My son definitely looks like me, but he looks like himself, no one else. I'm so grateful for that. When he was growing up I thought he would grow up to look like Kirk Cameron without the curly hair. Nope, he looks like me. Does that mean he looks like Delta Burke? HELL NO. He's just a freckled face kid who has my eyes and mouth.

I look like my dad with my grandpa's nose and my mother's green eyes and dark complexion. I got the best of both of them, that's for sure. I did get the shitty genes though. I am the shortest in my family, I'm only 5'4" and my oldest sister is 5'11.5". My younger sister is 5'8" and my mother is 5'6". Pop tops us all at 6'1". My older sister married a man who is 6'4". She had to have someone that made her feel short since she towered over everyone and got made fun of for being so damn tall for a girl. Go figure.

I also got the fat genes and the health issues from my mother. It sucks, but I'm learning to deal with it. Strangely Delta Burke and I have another thing in common regarding our health. She's a diabetic and I've been borderline (according to my doctor) for almost 5 years. Maybe we're distantly related???

Well, that's all I have to say tonight. Except, who have you been told you resemble? Gimme the dirt!

Let There Be Light....PLEASE!!!!

2006-04-03T20:28:00.000-05:00

My power went off tonight, and it went off earlier today. It really pisses me off because it kicked off in the middle of my soap, Guiding Light, then tonight it went off right at 9PM so not one minute of '24' recorded. It finally came back on around 9:20 PM and I had to start manual recording on my TiVo.

What the hell is going on with the power???? It was out all over my apartment. The news tonight showed a story about the Atlanta Hartsfield Jackson International airport, the busiest in the world, also had a power outage for several hours in Concourse D. This is crazy! It halted everything!

The weather is beautiful here, but we've had rain and tornado warnings today. For the most part, the day has been beautiful so I just don't get the power outages.

Lucky me I'm prepared for a power outage, but damn! Two times in one day! I'm sure it won't be the last though.

I'm really just pissed about the whole TiVo thing. Tells you where my priorities lie huh? Not worried about my refridgerated goods, I'm worried about getting my '24' fix. FREAK!! Yup, I sure am.

I WAS able to start this post though, using my Sprint PCS EVDO broadband card given to me by my company. It rocks! Battery powered laptop and an 'air' card. Keeps me connected enough to check my blog and comment on others. I LOVE technology! It's faster than dial up though not as fast as my cable modem (not nearly), but I'm CONNECTED!

Okay, this spring forward shit is kicking my ass. I can't handle it! I know it's only 9:05 PM rather than 10:05 PM, but I'm so freakin' sleepy! Also, the pollen in this city is ridiculous! It is every year from all the pine trees. EVERYTHING turns yellow! So, I've had sinus headaches and my allergies are making me sleepy along with the time change, getting up an hour earlier. I'm sneezing my fool head off! Bleck.

So, I'm going to bed! Too much to do tomorrow! I hate work!!

So love ya, and

Later ya'll, er you all!

Things you will NEVER hear a Southerner say ...

2006-04-02T21:19:00.000-05:00

I'm sure you have all seen or heard these, but I just thought...why not?

40. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen.
39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won't fix that.
37. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can't feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
30. Wrasslin's fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We're vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don't need another dog.
24. Who gives a dang who won the Civil War?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15. I've got it all on the C: drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
12. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
9. Checkmate.
8. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
6. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
5. I don't have a favorite college team.
4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
3. You All.
2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer.
> > >>> And, Number ONE is:
1. Nope, no more for me. I'm driving tonight.

A, B, C, D, DD, DDD, BOOBIES

2006-03-31T12:34:00.000-05:00

Awwww, these poor, poor, women. Pfffft!

THEIR BRA CUPS RUNNETH OVER

By STEFANIE COHEN and TODD VENEZIA

March 31, 2006 -- 3 CLAIM BOOB DOC D-FORMED THEM
Three angry women claim an Upper East Side plastic-surgeon-to-the-stars turned them into freaks by stuffing massive, Pamela Anderson-sized breast implants into their chests when they wanted only modest boob jobs. (modest? if you get boob jobs you want to get noticed!)

The women say the mammary monstrosities (aka Boobie Beasts) installed by Dr. Brad Jacobs nearly caused their bosoms to explode and the surgery left their breasts deformed, ribs aching and nipples swollen.

"I wanted to leave with a 34B - but the day after my surgery, I was
huge," said Felice Rosenbaum, of Manhattan, who claims her B-cup breasts were
inflated to a whopping double-D. "I was horrified," she said. "I went into
my closet and I couldn't button anything. I couldn't look at myself. I became
extremely depressed."

Jacobs' lawyer, John Jankoff, called the allegations "completely baseless."
(or braless)

"Dr Jacobs has performed over 11,000 breast-implant procedures since
1995. He has literally thousands of satisfied clients," he said.

Rosenbaum joined fellow plaintiffs Iolanda Rodriguez, 34, of Staten
Island, and Cornelia Ion, 27, of Queens, to talk about the trio of malpractice
suits they filed against Jacobs. Each woman claimed he installed implants that
would have made better beach balls than breasts. (what about melons?)

"We had an agreement he would not go too large," said Ion, who describes
herself as a "dancer" born with a B-cup. "I made it very clear to him that I did
not want to be a double-D. I'm a double-D now."

Ion said the surgery left the side of her breasts radically deformed
and the area around her nipples indented. (she could eat off her own breast!)

Shockingly, Jacobs made her pay another $6,000 for two operations to
fix the original botched surgery, she said, which failed. (UH, is that legal??)

Rodriguez, a homemaker, said she originally got D-cup implants. But
when she went back to the doctor to repair a leak in the devices, she claimed,
he took them out and put in even bigger implants.

"I was a small D - now I'm a double-D, nearly a triple-D," she said. "I
didn't want them bigger, I wanted them repaired because they were leaking."
(Got Milk?)

Rosenbaum said that after Jacobs inflated her B-cup chest into a
double-D, her wounds started opening. "The skin started separating," she said.
"It started to eat away at my areola."

A year ago, a jury awarded $130,000 in damages to a patient who got
silicone implants, not saline, put in by Jacobs, whose celebrity patients
include Playboy Playmate Courtney Culkin.

In 2001, one of his most famous clients, singer Brenda Kay Starr, sued
him for a botched implant - but that time, a jury found him not liable.

Rosenbaum said she thinks Jacobs is obsessed with large breasts.
(Hello?? He's a MAN!)

"His dream is for every woman to have a D cup," she said.

Additional reporting by Lukas I. Alpert
stefanie.cohen @nypost.com

Christopher Walken 2008

2006-03-31T12:04:00.000-05:00

I guess "more cow bell" is really on my mind these days.

Look what I found on fark.com...

Did anyone else know that Christopher Walken is running for President in 2008?

He is saying all the right things, at least things I want to hear.

Knowing that our electoral college is Democrat/Republican oriented, the poor guy doesn't really stand a chance. I wish the Democratic party would take a good hard look at him. Obviously the Republicans have their own Evangelical, fiduciary agenda.

Ronald Reagan, once an actor, became a governor and then President. He was solid as our President for most of his presidency until Alzheimer's took over, but he was also our oldest president to date. He is hailed as one of the better Presidents this country has had.

I'm curious to see what my fellow bloggers think and what you might do if given a ballot with Christopher Walken on it. Read his platform and give me your opinion!

By the way, today is Christopher Walken's 63rd birthday.

Happy Birthday Cow Bell Boy!

Biscuit and a Milkshake...Two Bits!

2006-03-30T17:40:00.000-05:00

Today my boyfriend told me that the only way my biscuit could taste better would be if it was raspberry filled.

Hrmmm.

Then he said to come over for pie (mine) and milkshake....in his pants.

Ba-Dump-Bump

TSSSSSSSS

Well, I know you're tired of the "in his pants" song and dance, but I swear I hear it all the time!

GAWD! I feel like I don't have anything interesting to blog about!

I know why.

I've been working from home A LOT and I haven't had anything happen to me.

I'm boring! And working from home is making me FAAAAAAAAAAAAT! Not fart, FAT!

Well, okay. I fart too. But sitting at my desk at home with my refridgerator just mere feet away is a seriously dangerous situtation for this carb lover to be in! What's a fatty to do??

Well, my BF doesn't seem to mind the extra insulation. He likes bonin' me whether I'm fat or thin, as he's had me both ways and doesn't complain one bit. In fact, he once said to me that if I lose weight and get thin I might get high on myself and leave him for someone better.

First, there's no one better than my D.

Second, there is no worry of me getting skinny, or even thin. I was that way once, but I don't think my body will ever allow that kind of body for me again. I have an hourglass shape, big titties and junk in the trunk. Strangely, he can pitch a tent at a moments notice regardless of whether I've showered or if I just rolled out of bed with raccoon eyes. And remember, I'm FAT.

I guess things go deeper than the surface. YIPPEE for me!

This post wasn't supposed to turn into a BF post...sorry!

********************

Still don't know anything about that job offer. MSC hasn't sent me what she was supposed to though she said she had it for me. She wants me to meet her 'partners' on April 15th. Kind of scary. I'm getting nervous about possibly changing jobs.

In fact, the more I think about it the more apprehensive I get . I would have to drive 80 miles round trip, 5 days a week. The money is better, but the miles and maintenance on my car would negate that I'm afraid. Right now, I am a 'work anywhere' employee. No office to go to, work from home. No miles on my car and no gas in the tank...thank GAWD for that one!

Anyone have anything to add that I might not be thinking about?

**********************

I've been adding some blogs to my sidebar. Check em out if you have not already been to their site. Just go to any blogs you don't recognize. That's what I do and I find some good stuff!

**********************

Oh, Mr. Fabulous is up for Sexiest Male Blogger. Ya'll better vote for him right here!!!!!

Later my lovelies! MWAAA!

More Cowbell Anyone??

2006-03-29T13:02:00.000-05:00

Sorry!

When I saw this I couldn't resist!

Blahging

2006-03-29T00:14:00.000-05:00

I've been digging at the acne on my face all day. I think I finally spelled the word "HELP" in bloody scabs. Maybe I'll be rescued soon.

The doctor upped my medication today. He's concerned that another medicine I have to take is making me gain weight. I should have probably told him that I've been eating powdered donuts like a man, dying of thirst, drinks water.

When I lay down it feels like there is a metal pole in my neck, pushing on it. Perhaps I should take the pole out of my ass. Maybe then the pain in my neck would go away.

Am I pathetic or what???

Holy Crap! A New Opportunity Just Fell In My Lap!

2006-03-27T21:19:00.000-05:00

I got offered a job today.

Two actually, but one was much more to my liking.

I was floored.

A woman I work with (and have complained about on this blog) is leaving my company to head up a division of a wireless management consulting company and she has asked me to come work with her as her Divison Operations Manager. She offered me a different position first, but then decided I might prefer the other one...it pays more too. She asked me what it would take to make me leave our company, so I told her what kind of pay (among other things). I couldn't believe it. She was COOL with all I said it would take.

This new job would be a huge step up for me and a huge pay jump.

Seems like a no brainer right?

Well, there are some things to think about.

Pro's where I work

I work for a company that is about to make me a "work anywhere" employee. I won't have cube at work, I'll work from home everyday which means I can roll out of bed at 8:00 AM and I won't put any miles on my car or empty my wallet/max out my credit cards at the gas pump!
I get 4 weeks of vacation where I work and unlimited personal days.
I have GREAT benefits
I've been there almost 7 years.
Free cell phone service and discounted service/phones for my family.

Cons where I work

There are 70K employees so job competition is STEEP
I really don't have a career path out of the job I'm in at my company.
I make "okay" money, but I should be getting paid a lot more for the bullshit I put up with and all the assistance I give above and beyond my job description.
Those in my current position are always having to "prove our worth" to make sure we won't being targeted for layoff since the merger. Not a given to say the least.
I travel for work a lot and I hate it. It wears me out!

Pros about the new offering

Obviously, a LOT more money, almost a 20% pay increase.
A job with some power to do good things for the industry
A chance to do something NEW and be a part of a young, growing, successful company.
Much better chances for advancement in a smaller company
I won't be just a number amoung tens of thousands of employees.
A much more worth while job title to add to my resume.
Great benefits
Get to work with all Wireless carriers which would add to my marketability in the industry

Cons about the new offering

Subordinate to MSC everyday
Drive in ATL traffic twice a day
Start over as a new employee and earn my vacation from scratch
Can't work from home.
Don't have all the details yet, won't get them all until Tuesday afternoon.

Okay all. Help! Both jobs have pros and cons that kind of equal out. I'm torn by this.

Since she and I currently both work for the same company, MSC has sworn me to secrecy. Only a handful know she's leaving the company to run this divisional office, but they have no idea she's asked me to come with her.

MSC told me she chose to offer me this opportunity because the others on my team in my position, when asked if something can be done, will tell her that it cannot and end it there, whereas I tell her, "I'll make it happen, one way or another." It's true. I do make a lot of stuff happen just by sheer diligence and digging to find a way. It's my job. Pleasing my customers, giving them the tools they need to make their business grow, manage their wireless services and needs to save them money.

Guess all that working my ass off, going above and beyond, may be paying off.

So my friends, given the information above, what would you do? Any suggestions or advise to offer?

I should tell you that I'm a 35 year old, divorced, single mom. I get no child support, NEVER HAVE, and I'm struggling to make ends meet right now. That might help you to come up with some good advise. Oh, I want to buy a house soon too, I just need to pay down some credit cards first and build a down payment. I've been trying to do this for 3 years now and I feel like I'm getting no where!

Hope this info helps you help me! (Damn! I sound like crazy-assed Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire! Fucking C o $...)

In His Pants

2006-03-25T12:37:00.000-05:00

My boyfriend has a sugarbone--in his pants.

Today the BF is wearing a shirt I got him in Baltimore at Crabby Dick's. It says "Crabby Dick's Seaman Sauce-great on balls!" Just like the ones--in his pants.

I wanted to buy protein shake mix today. The BF told me he has some for me--in his pants.

Whenever I say I want a milkshake, he always has one for me--in his pants.

Tonight we're having pot roast, potatoes and carrots. A meat and two veg, just like--in his pants.

Whenever my blood glucose count is low my BF says he has the perfect medication--in his pants.

I told my BF I needed to get new facial cleanser. He said he had some--in his pants.

He told me he got me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day, but it was--in his pants.

Then I swallowed it.

Change-aroo! A New Blog "Do"

2006-03-24T16:09:00.000-05:00

I’ve been playing around with my template and such for the better part of the last couple of hours at work. Do you guys do that too? I guess I just look for an open moment to look in on my blog and others’ and then, WHAM; I’m hooked in and can’t stop myself!

Well, today I decided to look around for a free template. I was just trying to spice things up a bit. I am still not overly happy or ecstatic about my choice, but I wanted something kinda sweet, and what’s sweeter than cookies and shit??? Okay, shit isn’t sweet, but I never said I was couth so get over my writing will ya?

I actually like the template, if not 100% pleased with the tea and biscuits idea. I am planning on having a new one built; I just haven’t found anything I’m thrilled with yet. KB has been doing the same thing and I think hers is nearly finished. Not sure who she’s using, but I may use the same template builders. There are a lot of KEWL blog templates out there. I just want something to express who I am.

I have sort of gone with the booger and snot them in my sidebar titles. I know, it’s childish, but it’s generally snot city among my family members. Sinus problems and infections abound from age 3 to age 60 so I’m just going with what I know. So, LAY THE F**K OFF! I’m kidding of course. No one has given me any trouble about my choice of words in my sidebar.

So, here’s my latest template change. What do you think?

Oh, I dropped the Haloscan commenting. I just don’t think I like it. Every time I change my template I have to re-link Haloscan and that’s sort of a pain. I’m keeping Blogger comments instead. That way your comments won’t go away!

Oh! I also must apologize if you comment and it takes me a few days to get to your blog to check out your latest and greatest. I don’t know about you, but I feel like there isn’t enough time in the day to visit all my buddies on my blogroll! Trust me, I want to, but this chickie is NO speed reader, plus I usually have to think about what I want to comment. I sometimes just don’t know how to put into words exactly what I want to say, and other times I have something roll 'write' off my tongue, er, fingers.

I also must apologize to you all in case you are completely bored by my postings. I am feeling extremely non-creative these days. I just don’t feel like I have anything worthwhile to say. Do you think I do? I just feel like, after reading some of my favorite blogger’s posts, that I am dismal at the story telling thing. Like I said, I’m not creative. Not a creative bone in my bod!

So, I’ll see if I can think of some random event that I’ve experienced that I feel might be interesting reading. I am NO CP or Cranky Prof! But, I enjoy reading their blogs and I hope I’m learning from them! (Cranky Prof, I hope you aren’t checking my grammar and punctuation!!! SCARY!!)

Just know that I love you all, everyone who is compelled to come check out my stuff. I thank you too. You’re all great writers and I’m glad to have you on my blogroll!!! I promise to start entertaining you more! Perhaps a writing workshop would do the trick?? Help tap into my creativity? Hell, the only thing I get creative at is sex. Will that do?? I'll try to keep it no worse than an "R" rating. *L*

Ciao!

Random Spewage

2006-03-22T15:34:00.000-05:00

Wow!

It feels like I haven't posted for a while! I guess I haven't since my last post was on the 18th and today is the 22nd. Four days of not blogging or commenting!!! I'm having withdrawals!

But, I have had too much going on and by the time I actually HAVE time to blog, I'm exhausted!.

I had a great, rather lengthy post, about my St. Patty's Day weekend all typed out and then my computer crashed on me. F**king thing. I didn't feel like spending another good bit of time trying to remember everthing I wrote and proofing it so I just let it go.

Ick, I just ate some popcorn so my fingers feel kinda greasy.

Can greasy fingers f**k your computer up? This is my work computer I'm on so I guess my copany would just replace it. Still, don't wish to piss off the powers that be!

I have to pee, for the 2nd time in a hour. GOOD LAWDY! At least I don't have to drop the kids off at the pool. Did that earlier, it just couldn't wait! Sometimes you just can't wait till you get home. It wasn't pleasant. At least I christened the newly remodeled bathrooms at my office. Been dying to do that!

I'm still hooked on Sudoku. Does anyone know of a rehab or 12-step program to help me break my addiction?? I'm CRAZED by it!!!!

Geez do I have to pee!

Sorry for my psycho post here. I'm just thinking about a million things at once. I need to get laid. I wonder if D will be free to bone me tonight?

My office is boring the piss out of me, but my email is blowing up my f'ing computer.

Again, I'm crossing my legs because I have to piss!!!

Have I mentioned that my kid is failing all four subjects he's taking in school? He's killing me! He's also missed several days this semester. He's depressed and refuses to get out of bed and go to school. He's much bigger than me so it's impossible to physically force him out of bed. I need a cattle prodd. Anyone know where I can get one?

I think Friday's should be made part of the weekend. Really. Everyone leaves early on Friday and does as little work as possible so what difference would it make if Friday became a weekend day? Discuss...

Okay, I have to go to pee NOW.

Later ya'll.

Why can't my office be this way?

2006-03-18T15:16:00.000-05:00

Oh, THANK YOU Wilde_Thought for this lusciously, hilarious clip!!!

Everyone enjoy, and while you're at it, help me figure out a way to make this something to do in EVERY office! Moral would go WAY up!

Things about me that very few people know

2006-03-16T10:05:00.000-05:00

I was inspired by June Cleaver's Revenge. Her latest post is called "True Confessions" and she tells some interesting things about herself.

I was born out of wedlock to my parents. My mother was married to another man she was separated from and she had to divorce him, then my dad had to legally adopt me to change my name. They didn't marry until I was seven months old. They are still married to this day.
My son was born by C-section so my poononny is as tight as the day God made me. Consequently, every time I get it on with the BF (who has a girth galore) I tear and bleed. It's like being a virgin every time we have sex. Well, sort of.
I didn't have an orgasm until after my son was born. Never knew what I was missin! Now I'm multi-orgasmic to the point where I can't count them anymore during sex. I'm so bloody lucky!...No pun intended...well okay it was.
I don't remember the names of some of the guys I slept with in college. I was sorta slutty back then, but I sure had fun! *dirty giggle*
I told my paternal grandma to "go to Hell" for calling my mother hateful, dirty names because of #1. She's an evil, conniving, manipulative biatch and I gave it to her good. I was the family hero for a bit until all, but my dad, on that side of the family became militant Catholic, zealot, Evangelical Republicans. Then I became the "black sheep!" Shhhhh!
My son likes to push my buttons and make me enraged...I sometimes curse at him. He drives me THAT CRAZY! But, I get over it as fast as it starts and apologize for the language, but not for the anger. He's the master at pissing me off at 15.
My current BF is someone I've known since I was 14 years old. We dated then, again when I was 19, and again when I was 21. He may be the father of my 15 year old son. We're about to do paternity testing to find out. It's freakin' me out. I think I blogged on this once before, but not sure if anyone really read it. So now you know.
I've been married twice to two jackasses. The first lasted a year and half but we only lived together 5 months. Got divorced a year later when he came home from Desert Storm. The second lasted 11 years. We only lived together 6 months, then he disappeared when I left him. Tried to divorce him 3 times, but the final one I got lucky, September of last year! Didn't have to find him to get divorced. Basically, I've been a single mother all my adult life.
I once stood next to Ewan McGregor at an art fair behind the Museum of Natural History in NYC. He and I were the only ones at this particular tent. I wanted to say something, but opted to let him have his day with his family, who happened to be at another tent. I love Ewan McGregor!!!
I have an ex who told KB that I was a "movie star." He apparently videotaped our sexual escapades and showed it to his friends when they got together to watch football games and whatnot. He's a fucking bastard who is now married , but who wants me to come back to Illinois so I can fuck him. What a dick.
I had an affair with a married man for 2 years. I was desperately in love with him. His wife tried to burn my face with a lit cigarette, and one time walked into my house while he was there and started breaking things. I left IL and moved to Atlanta shortly after to get away from this relationship. I couldn't end it otherwise as he kept begging me to come back to him and I was weak. He tried to leave her prior to my leaving, but she threatened him with no visitation with his kids. He had been unhappy with is hugely round, extremely short wife for several years and had tried leaving her before, but she got pregnant on the sly to keep him (3 years before me). Why do some women do this to keep men who don't want them? CRAZY. But, so was I. It was never meant to become anything at all. We were friends before lovers. It just evolved.
I'm in debt up to my eyeballs and I'm suffocating. EEEEK!

Finally, the New "Do"

2006-03-14T10:19:00.000-05:00

I know.

When I got my hair cut a couple of weeks ago I promised a picture.

So many things conspired to make it a bit difficult to get a picture, but I snapped a quick one this morning using my camera phone.

I decided to let you all see my face simply because I don't KNOW any of you except for KB. It's not like she's planning to do something horrid to me so I am not so worried.

However, I will not post my pic again. If you miss it, you can always find it in my archives.

Sorry it took so long and sorry the camera phone takes such shitty pics!

Old "do"

New "do"

Can you even see it???

I tried to give the same perspective as my old do as far as angle of my face in the picture.

Hell.

I need a better picture. I'm NOT using that camera phone again!

You don't really get a good sense of the color and the "do" itself.

DAMN.

Spank Me HARDER!...

2006-03-13T16:06:00.000-05:00

because this weekend I went to a 9 year old's birthday party and ended up getting high.

Yah, I'm rotten to the core! Somebody strip me naked and whip me with barbed wire!

I'm HIDEOUS!

My BF's landlord (he lives in a studio in their basement) invited us to her kid's 9th birthday party. Apparently lots of adults would be there and lots of booze for the adults. What we didn't know is that the landlord's live-in BF likes his Mary Jane. I smelled it the night before and found out he and some friends were smoking it in the garage. It wafted under D's door while we were watching Battlestar Galactica. It had to be pretty potent stuff for having to waft under one door, down a hall and under another door.

So, D mentions the "oregano" to him and Ben (the landlady's BF) gets all excited! He's glad to have a smoking buddy I guess. T, his girlfriend, doesn't react well to it. At this point I'm somewhat worried. D recently gave up his daily habit to take a new job when he moved to ATL to be with me. Now what would happen?

So, while I'm just watching the kids in the HUGE Crayola moonwalk, D taps me on the shoulder and motions me into his room. There I find Ben and Ben's BIL with a huge FATTY! They start passing it around and, I'm ashamed to say this, but I took a couple hits.

This stuff kicked D's ass. I felt a nice buzz from it, but he smoked more of it than me, plus I ate a cookie so my buzz wore off more quickly. He was fucked UP! It was all he could talk about the rest of the night.

Needless to say, we stayed in his room from that point on. I wasn't about to go out of that room around other adults, with pinpoint pupils and paranoia! That wouldn't have gone over well. I'm not good at hiding stuff like that. I don't do it very often, in fact, very rarely.

Just... *stares off dreamily*...once in a while....

In our early to mid twenties KB would get pissed at me when I would toke off someone's joint. She doesn't imbibe you see. Now she can drink beer like nobody's business, but drugs are NOT her thing.

Let me stress again, I DON'T do it habitually and neither does D (anymore). We just had been drinking a lot of beer and it sounded like something to do. I know he was jonesing seriously for it though. He wanted me to do it with him so he could have someone to laugh with him at his ridiculous TV shows.

Thankfully, the next morning, he realized why he had been feeling so much better lately. He had stopped doing it for two months. When he woke up he felt pretty harsh, plus he felt bloated and icky.

Thank GOD!

Still...

I'm bad for smoking ganja at a kids birthday party!

I truly am not a bad person, but...

Keep beating me.

I deserve it.

Spank Me Now

2006-03-13T13:31:00.000-05:00

I've been a bad, bad girl.

I haven't blogged for almost a week.

I'm slightly miserable which is why I haven't done anything on the computer for a while.

If you've been reading any of my posts you know that I'm on Lupron Depot® therapy which is a medication that puts me into temporary menopause for Adenomyosis which is also called Internal Endometriosis (inside the muscles of the uterus)...very painful. The therapy is supposed to stop the endo from growing and causing pain.

Well, it has side affects and they are really starting to get me down. This therapy causes bone loss and I'm in so much pain in my joints and long bones. It's been really shitty for the past week! I've actually had my knee give out on me 3 different occasions. No fun!

Another side affect is hot flashes. I've been getting them so randomly, but they are just so annoying! I'm getting the night sweats and have my windows open and fans blowing on me, but nothing does the trick. It truly sucks!

I'm sure if any of you are perimenopausal or know someone who has gone through or is currently going through menopause, you know that mood swings go with the territory. I'm really having issues with anger. I just get pissed at my son for things that I would usually laugh at. I don't know why, I just do. In fact, it's gotten so bad, that he has asked if he could move in with my parents until my therapy is over. How's that for nice?

The biggest pain in my ass is the weight gain. I had lost almost 30 lbs until I started this therapy and now, in 4 months, I've gained it ALL back. It's awful! I feel like Jabba the Hutt!

Now, I really must apologize to all of my fellow bloggers as I haven't even been online to read and post comments to your blogs. I LOVE doing it too so I feel as though I've probably been dropped from your bloglists. I don't know that I have, but if you did, I can't say that I would blame you. I've been a crappy blogger!

Can ya'll forgive me?

I'm going to try to get back into the swing of things. I'm a tad depressed (another part of this menopause I've been put in) and it's affecting what I do. I work from home a lot and lately, working from home means I'm walking away from my laptop more than I'm sitting in front of it. I want to go lay down and just lay there....like a piece of poo.

Dammit!

I AM POO!!

Forgive me???

You've Just Stepped Into The Twilight Zone

2006-03-08T06:46:00.000-05:00

This past Monday I was waxing nostalgic about my childhood in central Illinois and my best friend from grade school. I had been thinking about her for a couple of days and been reminiscing about all the fun and goofy stuff we used to do. How her family was my surrogate family and vice versa.

Well, last night my mother called me. She had received an obituary in the paper from one of her friends from our hometown. It turns out on Sunday night my old grade school friend's father passed away. It is somewhat eerie that I had been thinking about her and posted about her and her family on Monday morning.

Have you ever wondered if you had some funky psychic abilities? Dejavue happens to me all the time, but the thing that freaks me out the most is that I sometimes know something is going to happen before it does or I know what a person is going to say before the words even come out of their mouth. It is so bizarre. I know many of you probably have the same experiences.

I wish it would work on predicting lotto numbers!

Anyway, I just found it bizarre that I had been thinking about her for a couple of days and I haven't thought about her in years.

I have another friend who seems to be on the same psychic wave length as me. I'll call her and she'll say "I was just thinking about you!" The same thing happens when she calls me. It's weird. In fact we call ourselves the Psychic Sisters.

I wish this little "psychic" type thingy worked for other things too. For example; wouldn't it be awesome to know when Jehovah's Witness' were at your door so you wouldn't answer? Or wouldn't it be great to know, before you pick up the phone, that a telemarketer is calling (especially if you can't tell from caller ID). Or wouldn't it be great to know in advance, prior to rush hour, what roads are going to be jammed up, like a constipated old woman, so you could avoid them?

I wonder if there is a way to develope this "instinct" so it can work for you or for others? Anyone got a clue? I guess my handy, dandy computer can help me out. Lets hope I don't research myself to the "Psychic Friends Network." "Live Pychics ready for your call!"

Whatev!

GAWD!

Whoa! My favorite! drool

2006-03-06T16:13:00.000-05:00

You Are a Boston Creme Donut

You have a tough exterior. No one wants to mess with you.
But on the inside, you're a total pushover and completely soft.
You're a traditionalist, and you don't change easily.
You're likely to eat the same doughnut every morning, and pout if it's sold out.

What Donut Are You?

This donut is actually the only donut I like! FREAKY!!!

OOOOH, DEEEEEP!

2006-03-06T16:10:00.000-05:00

Your Fortune Is

It's ok to let a fool kiss you, but don't let a kiss fool you.

The Wacky Fortune Cookie Generator

Monday, Monday

2006-03-06T11:48:00.000-05:00

Those who hate Mondays please raise your hand!

I'm working from home today and still Monday sucks. I'm still running reports from February that I have had trouble running since 3/1. Finally they're running!! Fuckin-aye!

But, still it's Monday. I know because the dog peed and shit on my living room carpet. Yah, it's almost a comfort to know that life still has it's constants. Yep..a joy. Heh.

It IS a beatiful day in Georgia, however. I breathed in the fresh air and felt revitalized! There's nothing like a beautiful spring day and the smell of all the new growth of nature to renew the spirit! I feel it and I LOVE it! Spring and Fall are definitely my favorite seasons. The smells, the colors, the tempuratures. It all conspires to make for comfort and nostalgia.

I always remember playing in the spring showers as a kid, jumping in puddles and tasting the rain on my tongue. Things you enjoy as a child seem to be burdens when you're an adult. When did we change our perceptions without realizing it? I guess when you're an adult you start to care about your appearance and you have agendas and schedules that rain can wreak havoc on.

It's sad.

As a child, spring meant that school only had about eight or nine weeks left. I remember thinking those eight or nine weeks would never finish! I lived for the summer when I was a kid. No school meant swimming, climbing trees (yes, I was a tomboy), playing softball and tennis, riding my bike, camping trips, family vacations. I loved it!

I miss it!

What is really sad is that my son has not had the experiences I enjoyed as a child. He has played outside with his friends when he was younger, but he was not a big sports fan so did not enjoy playing sports like I did. But, he was big into building forts and playing "Power Rangers" and goofy stuff like that. I guess that's the difference between boys and girls, even tomboys.

I guess I'm just nostalgic for the days of my childhood. I remember thinking as I entered my twenties that my childhood wasn't very eventful or fun. But, looking back now I realize that childhood was truly the best days of our lives if we could see past all our incidents of childhood bullies and getting into trouble for doing something we shouldn't. I know other kids may not have had the same experiences or even the childhood they deserved. I wish I could have changed it for them.

I only hope that my son will look back on his childhood with the same fondness that I feel. Yes, I fought with my sisters, yes I fought with my parents. But, I had a best friend that liked the same things I liked and we had FUN. Her family was my extended family and vice versa. It was great having her around. Unfortunately we've lost touch. I know I could find her, but she's got a big family of her own and I know we don't have much in common anymore. That is truly one of the saddest parts of looking back on my childhood.

I am thankful that I do still have a couple of people in my life from my childhood, or at least my adolescence. KB and, my man, D (aka Pablo) are still around. They help me wax nostalgic often. KB and I reminisce about our later lives, after college and early twenties, when we really tore it up. We had so much fun, but still, it wasn't childhood. I remember, the summer before eigth grade when poor KB got strep throat and mono and spent the whole summer in the house. Damn did she look miserable! We used to go watch the County Fair Queen pageant every summer, with her mom and her Aunt Brenda. Yah, we even got to know some of the carnies we were at that damn fair so often! SCARY!

Now, we live in two different states, but we still keep in touch as often as we can. Blogging sure does help. Thanks Kel, for introducing me to it! I'll see you in June! Clear your schedule!

Damn Monday's make me sentimental.

The Vagina Bitchalogs

2006-03-04T15:07:00.000-05:00

How is it possible for it to be 70 degrees F outside and I'm freezing my funbags off? I don't get it. I'm wearing jeans and a wool cardigan and warmy slippers. I'm sitting at my desk while my kid is blasting a CD from the DVD player. He's watching the special features of his CKY CD (think Bam Margera's brother's band and the background music to Jackass The Movie). It's fucking loud and I'm miserably cold with a headache so it's making me irritable.

Okay, so I'm whiney today. Eat me.

I sat down to finish doing my taxes. I'm pissed off because my 1099-B form doesn't give me a breakdown of the stocks I sold in 2005 such as price of the stock when it was purchased as opposed to sold to determine the capital gains. The asshat form! So, I have to go to the website of the trust company and get into the details of each sale and purchase. What if I had taken this to H&R Block or Jackson Hewitt? They never would have figured this shit out. I guess that explains some of my irritability.

Really, it's because I got my last Lupron shot. Since I've been on this drug to help treat pain from Adenomyosis I have had a side affect that is not mentioned. I have been FREEZING my ass off or I have been BURNING UP! Good GAWD it's driving me crazy. I've also been so frakin' tired I can hardly move. One other side affect is that you lose bone density and calcium. That has caused me to have bone pain in my shoulders and my legs. It's weird. I have joint and bone pain when I exercise so it's really pissing me off.

Later, I have to go grocery shopping and fill my car with gas. Gas went up another $0.16/per gallon this week. GAWD, when does this shit stop? When I moved to Atlanta almost 9 years ago gas ranged between $0.69 and $0.79 per gallon. Gas prices are jacked.

I'm starving and have no food in my house. My kid, JB, ate EVERYTHING. I always pace myself after buying groceries but he eats like it's all going to disappear if he goes to sleep. WTF??? I love the kid but for fuck's sake! I wonder if the kid doesn't have a tapeworm or something!

Okay, I've had my bitch and whine session. I'm gonna try to figure out my taxes before I kill something or someone.

Breathe.....whew!

Pics of my new hair style later BTW...

Linquistically Speaking, ya'll

2006-03-03T00:13:00.000-05:00

Okay, I don't get these results at ALL!

Your Linguistic Profile:

60% General American English

20% Dixie

15% Yankee

5% Upper Midwestern

0% Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

I am a born and raised Midwesterner!

WTF?

I don't understand how I can have 15% Dixie and 0% Midwestern.

I have only lived in the south for 9 out of my 35 years on this planet.

That should NOT negate my Midwestern influence on my language!

I just don't get it ya'll!

Longest Day EVUH!!

2006-03-02T10:25:00.000-05:00

Wow! It's Thursday already and I haven't posted anything since Monday. That's SO not like me. Maybe there is something wrong with me! Oh, I know what it is.

I HAVE BEEN WORKIN' MY FRAKIN' ASS OFF!

Yesterday I was a human ice cube among a tray of ice cubes flying through the sky. Coldest flight I ever took! I could see my breath...well, almost. I don't remember ever being so cold. I flew to Kansas City, KS yesterday for a "See how FABU we are" meeting with the C-level execs of one of my customers at our "My Co. Experience" at the HQ. I didn't present, thank GAWD. I sat and listened as part of the account management/sales team while others presented. *snore* I almost fell asleep about 2pm...ya know...lunch coma. It was painful to keep my eyes open.

My Director was there so he rode back with me and two others to the airport. He asked me what kind of stuff I watch on t.v. I told him all the goofy shit that Pablo and I watch and now he has decided that he thinks I'm the cat's meow. He always loved me before but now he really LURVES me! We had a conversation about Stewie Griffin that lasted several miles on the way to the airport. I gave credit to Pablo for all the f'd up shit I watch. It's true. He's converted me to the ridiculous and the stoopid. "I'm addicted baby...it's plain to see."

Can anyone tell me who sang that song??? I know, just wondering if ya'll do.

So, we get to the airport and my director wants a cocktail...O-KAY! So we all down a few cocktails while waiting for our plane and chit chat. I try to talk him into having a team meeting in Vegas. No go dammit. Most of our team is located in Atlanta so that's where we will be having them. FRAK!

The flight back was HOT! I was completely the opposite of the flight to KC. I actually was able to sleep on the butt-crack-of-dawn flight to KC, but going home I couldn't cool down! I was BURNING UP! I had the air on full blast and then my damn nose dried out and my sinuses started hurting. Yippee...a sinus headache and ear popping. My favorite kind of flight!

Luckily we got in about 30 minutes early. I know! WTF??? But I took it in stride. It was 9:30 PM and I hadn't eaten since noon so I was STAAAAAAARVING!

I got a frakin' Popeye's Chicken sandwich at the airport. It was HUGE! I ate it on the drive home, but I lost my straw on the way to my car so I didn't get to drink my Dr. P until I got home. I was dry as a bone by then...I live a good 45-60 minute drive from the frakin' airport.

THE CRAZIEST, BUSIEST, HUGEST, MOST ANNOYING, MOST CROWDED AIRPORT IN THE WORLD!

AT ANY HOUR OF THE DAY OR NIGHT!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I GIVE YOU....

HARTSFIELD-JACKSON ATLANTA INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT

If you don't have to fly through here or from here or to here. You are blessed by the gawds! THANK YOUR LUCKY STARS!

So I made it home and crashed. I couldn't lift a finger. Two flights in one day are not so easy. I slept in this morning. Now I'm in the process of getting ready for work. In fact, I'm sitting here typing this naked. I know, I'm a sexy biatch...or not. I have all the blinds pulled, I just was so hot after my shower I didn't want to start sweating! Me and the twins are just hanging around.

Now I'm off to finish up and go to work. I think I may actually get a picture of my hair tonight! I've been so busy I haven't had time for anything! I've barely talked to Pablo and spent zero time with him and about 2% with JB. Poor kid, but he's a good one. He got up for me at 5 AM and actually got ready for school and went to the neighbors when I had to leave at 6AM. He took out the dog when he got home from school yesterday and fed her for me. He even cleaned up the poop she did in the house before he got home! AMAZING...if you have been reading any of my posts you know he's the laziest human ever created and that he refuses to get out of bed to go to school most mornings. He's been trying to change. He's changed his look (got his long ass hair cut and some new clothes) and he's been doing HOMEWORK! I'm FLABBERGASTED! My mother brought him some money and he ordered himself a pizza last night. He promised to help my Pop in the yard this weekend to pay them back. SHOCKER!!!

What has happened to JB, formerly Peabody?

He's a pod person!

I know it!

Yesterday was the longest day EVUH!

Tootsie Roll Toes and Nappy, Blood Sucking Ho's

2006-02-27T23:37:00.000-05:00

Yup, I changed my template. Hope you like the look, it's basic. I hope in a few weeks to have a new site built for my blog...something that really reflects ME!

I don't have any pics of my hair yet. My digital cam is broken (frak!) and my son forgot his camera phone at my parents' house (double frak) so I have no way to get a pic of my new do!!! Pablo likes it very much. The cut I chose is in the post below, however, I have opted to style my hair differently...pretty much because my hair does what it wants. It's a lot like pubic hair in that regard only not as curly or nappy...just unruly. Imagine a head full of pubes! GAWD!!! Okay, that's WAY overdoing it with the visual!

Anyway...

I'M GETTING FATTER!!!

GAWD NO!!!

Alas, it is true. My ass is as wide as a MACK truck carrying a wide load trailer.

Um, that's pretty fuckin' wide ya'll.

I am going home to Illinois to visit friends & family in June. I'll be staying with KB at her place. She's my BFF in case you didn't know. She's the one that got me blogging...God love her.

Anway, I don't want to be a lardass to scare everyone off. Plus, I really hate to go back and have those gossipy biatches back home gossip about how fat I've gotten. I've got a hormonal disorder dammit! My cells thinks their starving so they store all energy from food I take in as fat...what a biatch huh?

I knew that I had gained significant weight over the last couple of months simply because, at the Chamber of Commerce dinner I went to with the BF tonight, my zipper broke. My fucking fatass gut made the zipper teeth come apart while the zipper lock was all the way up. Great fucking timing huh? I LURVE being a fucking fat ass ho! Um...yah, you know I love it more than I love my Barney Rubble feet...Oh yes, I have Flintstone feet. Don't laugh!! They're ugly bitches and I wish there was plastic surgery for short, wide feet with tootsie roll toes!

these are NOT my feet!

Okay, feet and hair can be pretty gross when you think about it...feet obviously so, but hair too. Especially when it's of the pubic variety!

The worst part about pubic hair is all the nasty stuff that can get lost in it or grow in it, or lay eggs in it! ICK on a STICK! I just got the willies thinking about that last one! My whole body is itching just by looking at this picture and imagining little creatures crawling around in my bush!! EW!!! I'll be boycotting public toilets for the rest of my life just thinking about these nasty little blood suckers. *dry heaves*

Okay, I've grossed myself out enough tonight. I'm going to go scratch just thinking about all this stuff.

*scratch, scratch, scratch*

OH.MY.GOD!! *shudders* I'm SOOOO disgusted with myself for even posting this!!! AHHHHHHHHH!

Please forgive me if I've given you the willies and the itchies too!

A Change, Will Do You Good..

2006-02-27T06:42:00.000-05:00

Okay, I got my haircut which is a big deal for me. it's considered "medium length" because it stops between my shoulders and chin. I like it, but it's going to take some getting used to. I'm used to being able to pull it up in a ponytail or jaw clip whenever I need to to get it out of my face. No such luck now.

I colored it an auburn color. I like the color too. My natural color is a very dark brown so it's not a real RED, or ORANGE, but more of a true AUBURN, so it looks pretty good. It's still dark, but I can live with this color. I would have died if it didn't look natural! I'm all about being as natural as possible with my haircolor. I sound hypocritical don't I? I just faked my hair color. Well, I just needed a change I guess. Something to liven things up . Pablo likes it so I guess I did it right. I know I won't be able to make it look like the picture (below) but I will make the cut work for me.

This is the cut I chose, the color too

tho the bangs won't be in eyes like this...I'd go crazy!.

We're heading to a Chamber of Commerce dinner tonight so I hope it will look good, at least I hope I can make it look good. I'll have my "before and after pics" up tonight or tomorrow as soon as I get a pic of it. Forgot to do it last night, but it wasn't really "done" so the effect wouldn't have been the correct one.

It's weird, no hair touching my shoulders. This is gonna take some getting used to!

The Mechanical Contrivium: Ms. M

2006-02-27T06:36:00.000-05:00

Thank you to Mr. Fabulous for this little gem. I just couldn't resist playing!

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Ms. M!

Czar Paul I banished Ms. M to Siberia for marching out of step.
Long ago, the people of Nicaragua believed that if they threw Ms. M into a volcano it would stop erupting.
A chimpanzee can learn to recognize itself in a mirror, but Ms. M can not.
If you put a drop of liquor on Ms. M, she will go mad and sting herself to death!
Pacman was originally called Ms. Mman.
Ms. M is the world's smallest mammal.
Two grams of Ms. M provide enough energy to power a television for over twenty-three hours.
The horns of Ms. M are made entirely from hair.
The most dangerous form of Ms. M is the bicycle!
If you lick Ms. M ten times, you will consume one calorie!

Later ya'll!

Random Shit

2006-02-26T11:40:00.000-05:00

Again, I have nothing exciting to tell. My weekend was pretty uneventful.

Peabody, my 15 year old son, spent the weekend with my parents. My dad took him out on Saturday and bought him, essentially, a new wardrobe and he applied for his first job. Amazingly this changed Peabody. In fact, I will no longer call him Peabody. He's a young man now, so I'm gonna call him JB. JB went from grungy slacker to young, handsome, fashionable looking dude. I can't believe the difference! He's actually trendy with his new wardrobe and it has changed how he even carries himself. He stands with his shoulders back and his head high! I owe my pops big time for what he did for JB this weekend. I'm thrilled to say the least! If you've kept up with my posting for the last few months you know my kid has perfected his slackerness. Slovenly, slug, slacker. Yup, that's been him. I have a hard time getting him to even get up and go to school, plus he doesn't do anything I tell him to do, such as clean his room. Really, that's the only thing he doesn't do that I ask him to do. It's a scary mess so I guess he's just overwhelmed by it. I just hope he changes his attitude enough to include school and his room in the equation that is now JB. Time will tell.

I made Pablo a Shepherd's Pie last night and a blackberry pie. Everything turned out great. It's all simple food anyway, just good, old fashioned comfort food. It's nice because Pablo loves comfort food and it's pretty much the easiest food to prepare and you can't really screw it up. We ate dinner at my house then took the pie and Phoebe (my dog) to his house to vegetate in front of the t.v. We ate the pie from the pie plate on his tempurpedic bed. We ate ice cream I bought for it right out of the carton. Pigs? Oh yah. Pablo said it was the "bachelor way." I was game. The bad part? I dropped blackberry pie on the 400 TC sheets I bought him for Christmas. But, I'm resourceful. I always carry a Tide pen with me and I managed to clean up ALL the blackberry stains. That shit rocks!

I'm getting my hair cut today. I have kept it at the same length virtually for almost 8 years (about two inches past my shoulders). It's time for a shorter do. I'm sick of messing with it. About a year ago I lost about a 3 inch wide, 1 inch high strip of hair at the back of my head just below & within my crown. I was slick bald there! I was mortified to say the least. I don't have a huge abundance of hair anyway. I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) which causes what can only be called male pattern baldness in females. My hair is very fine, like a baby's, to begin with. It was always heavy because I had a lot of that fine stuff, but when I began to show signs of PCOS it really started thinning out all over, but especially on the top. You cannot see my scalp, at least not noticeably, but it IS noticeable that the top of my hair is thinner than the rest. The spot that I lost has grown back very kinky curly which freaks me. My hair is wavy, actually kind of curly in the back, but I straighten it because the curl is inconsistent on my head, it's different on the sides compared to the back. That new hair is about 3.5 inches long finally, but it's driving me crazy because it's hard to straighten with the rest of my hair. It sticks out of my hair too which makes me nuts. To top it off, last night my blow dryer some how frak'd up and burned my hair on the top of my hair about an inch or so from the scalp so now I have really short (fine) hairs on the top of my head in one spot. So! I thought I would cut my hair off and it might be easier to deal with. I'm going to have a lot of layers put in and cut it shorter, above my shoulders I guess. I'm also dying it RED! I'm a natural chestnut brunette (no gray yet!!) and I guess I feel the need to shake things up a bit. So, I will see if I can't get a pic of my hair when it's done. I'll do a before and after for ya! My mother is a stylist so I'm heading over to her house later for what will essentially be a makeover. GAWD, I hope I'm not making a massive mistake!

Why do weekends wear me out? I haven't really done anything. I've been a slug mostly. I guess I should get my ass up and away from this computer to do laundry and vaccum, dust, and clean my bathrooms (BLECK). I LOATHE cleaning of any kind, but I manage to do it as though it is second nature, at least where my kitchen is concerned. I cannot work in a messy kitchen. IT AIN'T HAPPNIN'. So, my kitchen is the cleanest room in my house because it gets cleaned several times a day as I'm working in it. Plus, I like to cook and who wants to eat food cooked in a dirty kitchen???

So that's it for me today. I'm boring AGAIN. Read me if you want, or fall asleep. I wouldn't blame you. Nothing funny and exciting happens to me like it does to CP! I'm so jealous!!! CP, I need you to live in Atlanta so I can hang around you. You would make my life interesting! I'm frakin' boring as hell! Aside from family strife that is.

I need a frakin' nap...*yawn...stretch*

I'll check in with ya'll later. Hopefully something interesting will happen today and I can blog on it later!

This Whore is a BORE!

2006-02-24T17:40:00.000-05:00

Yup, I got nuthin'.

Not a damn thing to blog about.

My son is hangin' with my parents tonight.

Pop is taking him shopping and job hunting for his first job tomorrow. Woowee!

I am going to the BF's place, Pablo the fabulous.

We're going to eat Mexican food at this little hole in the wall called "El Rio" in Cumming, GA (I said cumming...*LOL*)

Then it's off to his pad to hunker down for the evening in the tempurpedic, watching the unrated version of "The Forty Year Old Virgin" and, of course, "Battlestar Galactica" on the SciFi channel.

I'm not a SciFi geek, but that show is actually very well written and the effects are well done. The funniest part of the show is that instead of "fuck" they say "frak."
I've decided to replace "fuck" in my daily language with "frak."

Lets see if I can actually keep it up!

I've been sick this week. The last two days my throat has been getting me down.

I suppose Pablo has some special semen salve that may help.

Apparently semen is great for your skin so why no your throat???

Anyhoo, I'm boring as hell.

Hope none of you fell asleep reading this!

Have a great frakin' weekend!! *LMAO*

Sexual Dysfunction and Visual Aids...

2006-02-24T01:53:00.000-05:00

I had dinner at my parent's house Thursday night and then watched a bit of t.v. with them afterwards. Before "Dancing With The Stars" came on, Pop and I were sitting in the living room just chatting, when I noticed Dr. Leonard's healthcare catalog on their coffee table.

I started flipping through it. As I was, Mom came and sat down next to Pop. I didn't really know this catalog was full of shit for old folks. I never really thought of my parents as old. They're baby boomers. Just turned 60. But, I guess chronologically, they are senior citizens.

That's when I flipped to a page full of sexual toys and aids for seniors. UGH, what a visual that brings to mind. I still don't consider my parents to be in the league with seniors, so I'm picturing OLD farts and saggy vagina's getting it on. Not my parents, who, by the way, look VERY young for 60...ask KB, she'll tell ya.

Anyway, I mention to my dad that they have a great device he might want to look into. Erecxel® to heighten sexual pleasure, an erection enhancing band. Sort of like a cock ring for the sagging cock. I thought he'd get a kick out of it. Instead, he just informed me that he already had read the catalog.

So, I guess he knew about the cock ring after all. Perhaps I crossed the line in mentioning the Erecxel to him, but the weird thing is, my parents love to mention sex, or talk about their sexlife, around me because they know it grosses me out when they intentionally give me a visual of them getting it on. I mean my mother offers "penis butter sandwiches" for fuck's sake to see my reaction. And don't get me started on Penis Colitis...pina coladas. Thanks Mom. I can't drink them EVER.

I think I'll refrain from "joking" about sex with my dad. It IS pretty creepy. I think he must see me as his little girl still though I AM 35 with a teenager of my own.

Perhaps Pop is getting old if he didn't see the hilarity of the penis bands. I thought it was a fucking riot. My mom laughed anyway. I hope it's not a problem my dad has or I'll get really grossed out...that would explain his reaction though.

EW...

I'm getting a horrible visual...

OH MY EYES! MY RETINAS ARE BURNING!!!

Joke of the Day

2006-02-22T10:47:00.000-05:00

Please forgive me, I just couldn't resist!

Cajun Math Test

A Cajun man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test.

"Here is your first question," the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

"Without numbers?" The Cajun says, "Dat is easy." And proceeds to draw three trees.

"What's this?" the boss asks?

"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Cajun.

"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."

The Cajun stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."

The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Cajun, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

The Cajun stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."

The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"

The Cajun leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little dog come along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which make one hundred." "So, when I start?"

Snot...Snot...Sniff...Cough

2006-02-22T06:08:00.000-05:00

Is it legal to beat your child if they gave you a shitty ass cold?

What if said child is much bigger than you and will probably beat you back worse...it it legal then?

The little shit gave me a frakin' cold. Sore throat, earrache, nasal congestion, sinus headache. The works actually. He sneaks into my room and gets into my bed while I'm sleeping at night. His cold germs are all over my bed dammit! So, I am immersed in these hater germs. They are suckin' the life from me as I type!
I think today is a day to work from home...but I need to get to the office today to get IT to work on my laptop dammit.

GAWD...Life is a bitch

And, today, so am I. Mwahahaha!

Hello, my name is Ms M and I'm an addict...

2006-02-20T18:21:00.000-05:00

Is called a BlackBerry®

I just happen to have a BlackBerry®. I work for the wireless company who provides my service, in fact, I'm part of a sales team who manages and sells into several National customers so I'm REQUIRED to use it for demos as well as to keep in constant contact with those who I need contact with to do my job.

If you haven't used a BlackBerry® before, let me tell you one thing about them.

THEY'RE ADDICTIVE!

Sprint-Nextel

RIM BlackBerry® 7520

I can only tell you that we at my company call them "CrackBerry's" if that gives you any indication how addicting they are. Real time email, sometimes before your MSOutlook® gets it, phone service, wireless web, two-way radio. It's an all in one device. It's going to be the death of me. I've carried one now for almost 4 years and I cannot live without it. It makes meetings fabulous because you can check and respond to email in real time, keeping your customers happy (if possible).

I have to increase the font size on mine because I'm practically blind without my glasses which I refuse to wear for anything except reading (I'm far sighted so I really only need them for close up work). You can change the theme, color, picture for your screen saver and desktop wallpaper. I even use mine to blog sometimes when I'm at Pablo's place because he has yet to buy himself a computer since his marriage ended. But let me tell you, the CrackBerry...

It's frakin' fabu baby!

So, if BlackBerry's® should go away, I will be sad to see it go, because I will have to either go into rehab, or join a 12 step program.

Technology, she has ruined my life.

That bitch!

Greg the Bunny

2006-02-19T17:04:00.000-05:00

G the B

In Pablo's world that actually stands for "Greg The Bunny" on IFC (Independent Film Channel).

G the B is a collection of 15 minute short films starring foul-mouthed puppets. Greg the bunny is the star of the show. Warren Demontague is his football helmut wearing ape friend. Together with humans, Spencer and Sean, they create parodies of classic films, such as Pulp Fiction, The Godfather, 2010: A Space Odyssey, Annie Hall, Sex Lies & Videotape, and Natural Born Killers, to name a few. Translated into G the B world they read as follows:

Pulp Fiction = Dead Puppet Storage
The Godfather = The Godpappy
2010: A Space Odyssey = 2001: Space and Stuff
Annie Hall = Bunny Hall
Sex, Lies & Videotape = Sex, Button Eyes and a Video Ape
Natural Born Killers = Naturally Sewn Killers

One of the best characters that makes an appearance on several of these shows is Count Blah. He is a parody Bella Lugosi's dracula. In every sentence he speaks the word "blah" is thrown in several times. For example most people would say: I have to go get the newspaper. Count Blah would say: I have to go get the newspaper, blah.

You really need to go to the G the B website to get the full effect if you don't have IFC. At this site you can click on several audio & video clips. One of my favorites is "Gregula," when Greg thinks he's been bitten by a vampire so he attempts to suck the blood from a live cat and wears paper "training" fangs while he's waiting for his real ones to grow in. He sleeps in a coffin, but won't close it all the way because it's "too dark." He won't go out in the daylight because he thinks his fur will burn.

Hopefully you have the mentality of a 13 year old boy like my Pablo does. He's the one who introduced me to this hysterical little gem. I LOVE Greg. He's too "frak'n" adorable.

Yes, I said "frak."

Can you tell me where I got "frak" from?

Chaos and Mayhem

2006-02-17T07:08:00.000-05:00

Researchers led by a Texas Tech University professor discover that students who drink too much aren't the best lovers. "Binge Drinking in the Context of Romantic Relationships" by Judith L. Fischer, et al. Addictive Behaviors Vol. 30, Issue 8.

Uh...ya think??

The Ugly Face of Crime
By Richard MorinFriday, February 17, 2006; A02

"I'm too ugly to get a job."

-- Daniel Gallagher, a Miami bank robber, after police captured him in 2003

The hapless Mr. Gallagher may have been ugly, but he was also wise.

Not only are physically unattractive teenagers likely to be stay-at-homes on prom night, they're also more likely to grow up to be criminals, say two economists who tracked the life course of young people from high school through early adulthood.

Well, THAT is disturbing.

Sounds like we should be steering clear of ugly folks on the street!

Greenland ice cap breaking up at twice the rate it was five years ago, says scientist Bush tried to gag.

Our polar ice caps in Greenland are melting at a much faster rate than originally thought. Turns out that global warming and the greenhouse effect ARE scientifically sound theories, unlike what our Republican representatives would have us believe. Sea levels are rising and the ice caps are about to slip into the ocean as they melt. There is enough ice to raise the sea level by 21 feet (YIKES!). If this happens, it could potentially flood some of the world's major cities and ports. Does that mean we'll start to evolve into webfooted, gill breathing freaks like Kevin Costner in 'Waterworld'? Fresh water will become rare and dirt a commodity? According to what this and several scientists/climatologists are saying I suppose we'd better teach the new generations to sail, though I doubt we will see 'Waterworld' in this century.

I think the news is getting more and more disturbing.

The World is full of freaks and freaky climates.

WTF?

2006-02-16T11:21:00.000-05:00

"Former Oklahoma district judge Donald Thompson was finally scheduled for arraignment in January, 12 months after he was charged with indecency for allegedly using a noisy masturbation aid under his robes during trials and other court business. An additional count was recently filed based on a court reporter's statement that she saw him shaving his pubic hair during a trial. [Sydney Morning Herald, 11-25-05] [Court TV, 1-4-06]"

EGAD!

We now know why justice is blind.

Wonder if justice has hairy palms too?

"The University of Florida announced in January it would provide health care and other benefits to domestic partners of their employees, provided the employee certifies that the pair are having sex (specifically, having a "non-platonic" relationship). A University human resources official said such a pledge is "increasingly standard" in domestic-partner programs, even though married couples are not required to certify that they actually have sex. [Gainesville Sun, 1-20-06]"

WHOA!

I wonder if actual photos of intimacy are required or will the used condom suffice?

Meme: courtesy of Anne R Key. Info: mine.

2006-02-15T17:03:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Anne R Key I have something to post about. Nothing exciting has happened to me today. I am working from home and I managed to slip a power nap in. Slept funky on my hand and it hurts like a beotch! See? I'm a real whirlwind of excitement.

Anne's meme is something to give a bit of insight into anyone who partakes of it. So, without further ado...here's my shit.

What were you doing 10 years ago?
10 years ago, February 1996. I was managing a branch office of a finance company and hating it. I was also in a tumultous relationship with a man who was unavailable to me. I was fighting his short, fat, wicked woman and at the same time, fighting a psycho girlfriend of one of my best friends. She was under the impression that if I would be with someone who was married (long story that I'll tell someday) that I would be with him. The thing is, I SET THEM UP, and she was sure I was trying to sleep with him. Lovely beotch of a white trash skank. He eventually married her, but because he wouldn't give up our friendship she filed for divorce. Talk about insecure!

What were you doing 1 year ago?
Jesus, I can't even remember what I was doing one year ago. I am sure I was working at my company, pre-merger and wishing we weren't merging. I was hanging with my girls on weekends, fighting with my kid about school, trying to get his ass to do homework, which he never really did do. Strange, my life hasn't changed much....

Five snacks you enjoy:-
1. Pistachio ice cream on sugar cones baby!
2. Lays Dill Pickle or Salt & Vinegar chips
3. bananas
4. cereal
5. anything chocolatey like M'n'M's.

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:
1. Happy Birthday To You
2. Jingle Bells
3. The Star Spangled Banner
4. Workin' for the Weekend, -Loverboy
5. Copa Cabana, -Barry Manilow
(I know...I'm lame)

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1. get my boobs reduced and perkisized
2. Buy an island for myself and my family
3. Buy a HUGE yacht and sale the world
4. Never work AGAIN
5. Buy a plane and take flying lessons

Five bad habits:
1. Apparently I snore (Whatevuh!)
2. sleeping in my makeup when I'm too tired to wash it off
3. falling off diets
4. grabbing Pablo's package
5. Saying FUCK all the time.

Five things you like doing:
1. Reading
2. Sudoku
3. Singing
4. Dining out with friends/family
5. Being with my son & BF

Five things you would never wear again:
1. Stirrup pants
2. Acid washed jeans
3. Ripped sweatshirts
4. Yo-Yo's
5. flourescent colors

Five Favourite toys:
1. My computer
2. My Tivo
3. My Blackberry
4. My Sirius Satellite Radio
5. My kitchen (I love to cook)
6. AND of course Pablo's joint.

Sorry honey, no Valentine's gift yet...I'm a loser!

2006-02-14T16:43:00.000-05:00

I am the queen of procrastination.

Today, Valentine's Day, I am supposed to make dinner for my boyfriend. I put a huge turkey breast in my slow cooker at noon (I had to weight the lid down with canned good to get the lid to close) and I am baking him a raspberry pie as I type this out.

My plan was to work from home today, clean my house and go out briefly to pick up these memory foam soled slippers he's been wanting (couldn't find his size on his birthday). I have worked all day and done various cleaning duties here and there, but it looks like nothing is done. Now, he gets off work in about a half hour and will be heading to my house. Thank God for traffic because I have not even in showered yet. I didn't get out to buy his present nor did I get the house vaccumed and dusted. Yippee.

I am a slug. I need help.

But, at least he'll have Turkey Manhattan's, asparagus and raspberry pie to fill that empty belly I know he'll have. He is an eater. A very big appetite. Plus, he loves my cooking. That saying, "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach" is SO true. I think if I keep making him his favorite food he'll never not want to pork me.

Food is his turn on.

So, maybe if I don't have everything done I had planned to do he'll forgive me. I guess I could suprise him with the slippers, and a great blanket that he wants, over the weekend when I get to see him again. We don't get much time together so I feel like a loser not having his gift yet. I need to get it, but I just don't have time now.

Again, I'm a SLUG...I should have gotten it days ago, but I have been on the go and I seem to never have time for anything.

Still, I'm a LOSER PROCRASTINATOR!!

God save me.

10 Things I LOVE

2006-02-13T22:53:00.000-05:00

I just read KB's meme "Ten things I love" so I figured, why not. Tomorrow is the big "V"day.

So here goes:

10 Things Ms. M. LOVES

1. The sweet face of my baby boy, Peabody, sleeping peacefully

2. The smell of coffee in the morning

3. The smell of the air after a rainstorm

4. Weekend dinners with my family

5. Insane, multiple orgasms from D's hot lovin'

6. A hug and kiss (a rarity) from my Peabody

7. Getting any gift from Pablo (he is SO sneaky!)

8. Kissing Pablo's cleanly shaven face

9. Kisses from my lil' pooch, Phoebe.

10. Beer:30 on Friday after work!

Happy Valentine's Day!

MWUAH!!!

So Long Kwan...

2006-02-13T09:18:00.000-05:00

Atlanta Journal Constitution reporter, Jeff Shultz, is in Turin, Italy to report on the Olympics for his paper. Unfortunately he's a columnist and has decided to write opinionated editorials rather than report on the outcome of the games and the athletes as they compete.

Michelle Kwan aggravated an already aggravated groin injury (too much sex a'la CP?) and knew she could not compete at top performance. She backed out, losing her chance at finally winning gold. The back story to this is that Michelle Kwan didn't qualify for the Olympics because she didn't compete at Nationals (original groin injury). She petitioned the US Olympic Committee (USOC) to let her compete and she had a private try-out in front of them.

Emily Hughes was the 3rd place winner at Nationals, thereby earning a trip to the Olympics, but she stepped aside for Kwan to have her chance in what would be her last Olympics. Kwan did the same for Nancy Kerrigan after her knee wacking incident just before the Olympics in Lilihammer. Now Emily Hughes will be heading to Turin to take her rightful spot. She is young and will have more Olympics in her future beyond this one.

This Shultz guy was so rude in his article. Yes, Michelle Kwan probably handled her whole admittance to the Olympics in a way that may be construed as "under the radar" and selfish, but she has been training and training for this her entire life and this is most likely her last chance at gold. This was Emily's first opportunity to go to the Olympics. Michelle, realizing that her injury wouldn't heal fast enough, stepped aside in time for Emily to step up and do well. Shultz mentioned that Michelle's ego, which, I'm sure, is sizeable as a 3 time Olympic athlete, played a role in her getting to the Olympics. That her Q-rating is what got her there. I'm sure it did play a role, but as an althlete you have to have ego, self confidence, hutzpah, intestinal fortitude, balls of steele and real talent to get where you want...the Olympics.

In my opinion Michelle Kwan probably should not have gone to the Olympics. If you cannot compete in Nationals for a spot then you shouldn't be allowed to go. You have to be healthy, that's playing fair and square. My problem is that this guy Shultz is no figure skater, obviously, and he's probably one of those guys who never played sports because he wasn't very good and never got picked for any team. I think journalists need to take a step back and really read their articles and what other journalists are writing to see that they've been abusing their position as truth tellers. They aren't telling the truth as it should be told, objectively. They're telling their own truth's as they see them, putting their own slant on it to sway public opinion. Why bad mouth someone, who probably worked harder than he has any day of his life, when she is down on her luck? Her Olympic career is over, she stepped aside and is dealing with injury. This man slaps her while she's down.

Poor sport if you ask me.

Sphincter Boy thy name is Dave Shultz.

I Hate Mondays

2006-02-13T05:04:00.000-05:00

Here I am, up again at 4AM! God GAWD am I sick of this shit! I think it's time for a sleep aid.

I've been up trying to catch up on my commenting. I can't seem to get through all the blogs on my blog list.

My eyes always give up on me about half way through. Due to this I skip around, trying to hit those I might not get to if I just go down my list.

Still, I never make it to everyone.

My optometrist told me about 8 years ago that by the time I'm 40 I'll probably be able to be declared legally blind. WTF?

I go blurry after about a half hour of reading on my computer screen. It's an LCD flat panel so it shouldn't be so harsh on the eyes, but I think it's just my concentration. I have a weak focusing system and I absolutely cannot read without my glasses. Yah, they are quite strong...I look like I'm all eyes!

It's a bitch.

If I end up never being able to read again at 40 (only 4.5 years away) I will shoot myself. I LOVE to read and I LOVE blogging, but it will kill me if I cannot do even one of those things when I'm still young.

I don't know why my vision sucks so bad. I can see far, but not close. But the far sight is not as far as it used to be. I'm a tad worried.

It reallys sucks for work. I wear my glasses, but I have a HUGE monitor at work so everything is naturally larger on the screen which really helps. But, my company is moving to teleworking so I may have to buy a bigger monitor to be able to work 8 friggin' hours...while, essentially, blind.

But back to the continual waking up at 4AM. W.T.F.???

(AH, DAMN YOU CP! I'm scratching my head like a freak thinking about your scabies post...UGH!)

I'm sleepy, but have to get up in a few minutes (it's now 5:09 AM and I've been attempting to catch up on my blogging & commenting) to get the kid up for school. You know my kid...he is the sleep-o-holic that thinks he runs his own life. *snorts sarcastically*

I really want to get another hour of sleep at least. I was up till about midnight so four hours is not cuttin' it by any stretch of the imagination.

So, I guess it's off to attempt another hour of sleep that probably won't happen...

FUCK...

I hate Mondays.

Took KB's "WTF" personality test

2006-02-10T12:03:00.000-05:00

Interesting and mostly accurate results:

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion		66%
Stability		50%
Orderliness		50%
Accommodation		70%
Interdependence		63%
Intellectual		63%
Mystical		23%
Artistic		50%
Religious		16%
Hedonism		30%
Materialism		63%
Narcissism		30%
Adventurousness		43%
Work ethic		43%
Self absorbed		30%
Conflict seeking		30%
Need to dominate		23%

Romantic		43%
Avoidant		23%
Anti-authority		43%
Wealth		10%
Dependency		30%
Change averse		36%
Cautiousness		43%
Individuality		30%
Sexuality		76%
Peter pan complex		43%
Physical security		43%
Physical Fitness		10%
Histrionic		30%
Paranoia		36%
Vanity		30%
Hypersensitivity		50%
Female cliche		56%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Stability results were medium which suggests you are moderately relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.

I totally agree with this.

Orderliness results were medium which suggests you are moderately organized, hard working, and reliable while still remaining flexible, efficient, and fun.

Totally me!

Extraversion results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

Um, maybe. But I DO have an internally based identity. Anyone who has spent any time with me knows that!

Here's the rest...

trait snapshot:
expressive, open, self revealing, loves large parties (not LARGE), loud, social, outgoing, does not like social isolation, assertive, social chameleon, positive, always busy, likes to fit in, likes to stand out, enjoys leadership, brutally honest, trusting, optimistic, desires attention, dominant, aggressive, attachment prone (WTF?), wants to be understood, realistic

For the most part, this thing was spot on. Kel doesn't think she's as mystic as it told her she was. I answered everything brutally honestly and got pretty accurate results. Though I must say I'm not terribly materialist, sure I'd like to have some things I don't, but I do just fine without them. Sexuality? Yah, that's pretty accurate... Woohoo! Female cliche? Not really. I'm not typical as far as the female cliche is concerned. At least I don't think I so.

Take it and see what results you get...BE HONEST if you want accuracy!

"She's A Little Runaway" - Bon Jovi

2006-02-10T06:46:00.000-05:00

When I was a little girl I thought often of packing a bag and running away. The only thing that stopped me was a) I had no idea where I would go as I lived in a small town where everyone knew my parents and b) I knew I would miss my mom too much.

That certainly didn't stop my 13 year old niece Gothica from actually doing it.

Yesterday morning I get a call from my mother at 6:23AM. She's wondering how to get text messages off my nieces phone. It seems her mother (Zoloft) took her cell phone away (thanks Aunt Mo-Mo [ME!] for getting it for her for Christmas) because she has been staying up all night instant messaging someone or several someone's. This pissed little miss Gothica off so much that she went to her school counselor and told her that my sister beats her and broke her arm (none of this is true) and that she wants out of the house and away from my sister who does nothing but buy her a ton of clothes and allow her to go and do whenever she wants. My sister even gave her the "Goth" room she's been wanting. While she was visiting her dad over the summer she painted it, bought her a new bed and desk, painted her a picture of "Jack the Pumpkin King" and made the room look very cool.

The counselor called DCFS who met with Gothica the next day. When she got home from school she was pissed off and didn't want to talk about how her "date" with DCFS went. I'm sure, since there was no evidence that my niece is abused by any stretch of the imagination that the DCFS worker probably told her that she would remain in the home. What was Gothica thinking? I imagine she has NO idea what the foster care system is like. I shudder thinking about all those poor kids in foster homes. I know there are good ones out there, but for every good foster home I'm sure there are at least five that are not up to spec.

But alas, the child is so put upon and so abused she was forced to run away.

WHATEVUH!

She did NOT have her phone so there is NO way to track her (I work for the wireless company where I got her the phone so I have access to all sorts of convenient systems to track her GPS unit). She left in the middle of the night out the back door (left it wide open) with an apparently packed bag as her room was torn up and several things are missing. She must have been picked up by someone. She's been gone for over 24 hours now and there are no leads as to where she may have gone and who she may be with. My sister is freaking out to say the least. My parents are too since she lives with them. The cops? Well, they aren't worried. They say this happens all the time and that she'll turn up. Since her best friends don't know where she is I have to wonder about that. She's 13, shouldn't they be working diligently to find her? I mean, this IS Atlanta. There are child sex rings in this city. She is a beautiful, exotic looking girl so she would definitely be a target. I'm not freaking just yet, but I'm about to. I keep thinking that she'll come home on her own, but I think someone is helping her so she may decide she's fine where she is.

My son, Peabody, says he understands why she left. He's 15 and in the same wacked out, irrational, pubescent state Gothica is. It's been proven that hormones in teenagers cause them to be irrational and irresponsible. In essence, the hormonal imbalance makes them unreasonable, irrational, slightly off. Crazy is probably the word I'm looking for. Peabody thinks I'm mean and hateful because I wake him up for school in the morning and make him go sit though several hours of instruction. Yah, I'm a real evil bitch.

If I was really evil he would be sleeping on the floor with a thin blanket and nasty pillow and nothing else in his room. I would chain the cabinets and the refridgerator so he couldn't eat until I feed him nothing but table scraps. I would never wash his clothes and I would turn off his hot water. Now how is that for mean? The kid has it great. His teenage angst makes him feel otherwise and it's killing me. I'm going to start getting gray hair!

This generation is 10X worse than my generation ever thought about being. I'm part of generation X, well I'm EARLY gen X. In the 80's, when I was a teenager, no one had cell phones except the very RICH when I was growing up. I never had a t.v. or a phone in my room. I had to buy my first car with no help from my parents (Peabody expects me to either foot the bill or pay for half if he ever gets a job, WHATEVUH!). Computers were big and clunky and made by Radio Shack and were ridiculously overpriced. MTV actually played videos all the time and reality TV wasn't even on the road map. A Big Mac was $1.54 (I worked at Mickey D's) and a cheeseburger was only $0.69. Gas? Oh, that was really cheap. It was way less than a $1/gallon. We only had one TV in the house and my dad controlled the remote.

Strangely I miss those days.

I hope Gothica comes home soon. I love her to death and I can't believe that she's so much trouble, but I have seen it with my own eyes. She behaves differently towards me. Kind and sweet. Not sure why. I offered to my sister to let Gothica come stay with me for a few weeks if she comes home, just to give them some space once she comes back. I will be working from home more (my company is going to telecommuting for mobile workers - ME) so I will be able to keep a very close eye on her. I guess my sister is mulling it over.

It sucks to be a parent of a teenager from this generation.

What did we ever do to deserve this?

Ms. M:

A year has passed....

Top 10 reasons to hate my job

Playstation III, The Silent Killer

Freud would have a field day with me...

Whatdya Mean You Need More Pancake (tits)?

A textbook definition of cowardice

Lonely Weekend for Me

Mammogramajamma

RRRRRRRRIP!! OOOH! OUCH!

Human Pin Cushioin, At Your Service

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Pancake Tits Returns

Hell Week Revisited.

Mundane bullsh*t

GEEEAAAAWD!

Plop, Plop, Piss, Piss

Give it up for CP!

Naughty!

Those little suckers'll get ya!

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Is There Air Conditioning In Hell?

Maybe we'll all learn sumthin!

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I should be cookies or brownies because....

Random B.S.

My achy breaky back and asshat attorneys.

Where does the time go???

More random shit from a (temporarily) random poster!

No surprises here

Faster, Faster, FASTER!

Random Spewtum

Hurry Up and Wait!

Now I Lay Me...Wait, That's HIS Job.

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How about some cheese to go with that whine???

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Lord Save us. KFed has procreated AGAIN

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I've been TAGGED by Gidget!!!

Doh! I'm an IDIOT!!!!

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Die, You Gravy Sucking Pigs!

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Let There Be Light....PLEASE!!!!

Things you will NEVER hear a Southerner say ...

A, B, C, D, DD, DDD, BOOBIES

Christopher Walken 2008

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More Cowbell Anyone??

Blahging

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In His Pants

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Spank Me HARDER!...

Spank Me Now

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Whoa! My favorite! *drool*

OOOOH, DEEEEEP!

Monday, Monday

The Vagina Bitchalogs

Linquistically Speaking, ya'll

Whoa! My favorite! drool